My father and I have had a strange relationship. He cheated on my mum when I was 6 and they separated for 12 years. I did not see him the first two years of the separation and then when had a regular if not particularly close relationship. When I turned 18, I went off to college and my father moved back in with my mum literally 8 days later. I was a little bit upset by the timing of this but never said anything. In fact my father and I have never had a particularly deep converation about anything.
This thanksgiving I went home and played some golf with my father and his golf partners. They had this strange conversation about my father taking someone to play in the junior golf championships. I though it was a little strange but i didn't say anything. Later, my father started talking to me about he wanted to adopt this little girl and he wanted me to meet her. This is completely out of his character so I had to question him about it. After some prying on my part, my father divulged that he had an affair shortly after he moved back in with my mum and that I have an 8 year daughter with another woman (that he just found out about). I was accepting of it then, but the more I think about it the more pissed off I get. I called my mum and we talked about it, it turns out he lied to me. He told her about it three years ago when my uncle died, so he has probably known 4 or 5 years.
This has really "broken the camels back" in the relationship between me and my father. I really would rather not ever speak to or see him ever again as long as I live. My mum thinks I am being unreasonable because I "can never really divorce your family" and "he still your father." I think she is just a glutton for punishment and I'm not going to put myself through it anymore.
In another wrinkle to this dysfunctional family saga, my father and I have both already disowned my brother (my father's pre-marriage bastard child) beacuse he's a crack addict who only uses us to get his next fix and has basically been in jail for 18 years. They only one in the family who speaks to him is ironically my mum (he lived with us until I was 6 and he was 16). On top of all of that, he was shot the day before thanksgiving. If I disown my dad none of the men in the family will be on speaking terms.
Between shootings, drugs, infidelity, and bastard children my family is like a bad jerry springer episode, all we need is a good fight. I think it is best that I remove myself from the family situation (i'll still speak to my mum) and work to make sure history does not repeat itself. I could just be overly emotional becuse my grandfather (mum's dad) is also about to die; which is compounding on top of all of this. Please share your advice before I do something rash and make my family situation even worse.
Seamus
