WyseOne

I agree with the others, don't be so hard on yourslef. You admitted yourself, you have done the theory and this was your first time putting the theory in action however there is really nothing that can truly prepare you for real life scenarios. Learn from what happened and you will be fine. Never mind going over the could/should/would haves.

It happened and it is in the past now, soon you will just react instantly to what is happening and you will be fine.

I'm sorry if my post sounded like it was a physical problem, that was not what was meant by it.

For me it has nothing to do with words... I feel secure in the relationship by the actions of my partner. I know this may not help you at all but it is the things that you do, not what you say. It may not have anything to do with what you are doing or saying, I suggest you find out more about his past, how he was brought up. Let me give you and example, if he never had affection in his life he may find it hard to give it since he has no experience of it.

Something else may be his previous relationships. I used to let people in so easily but since my last relationship I have become a different person. I thought what she was saying and more importantly showing me was genuine however she just turned out to be a very good actor and I mean very good until I found out she was a lesbian. By no means am I saying he is gay however he may have been hurt in a previous relationship and may be protecting himself. Just giving you things to think about, they may help.

Just remember don't assume it is something you are doing or not doing, look past yourself and start focusing on what issues he may be having.

She is emotional when she fights with her boyfriend, she probably just uses you as comfort, knowing you are there for her makes her feel better about herself, same reason people go into rebound relationships, it eases there pain.

I tend to agree with CluelessGuy321, sounds like she is playing you. Stop letting her, it's not healthy for you.

Yes it is very possible...

This is what I feel may have happened. She had a fight with her boyfriend or he left her, she reached out to you and the boyfriend came back so she no longer needs your support.

This tells me a few things but I would have to say that she still wants you however she wants her boyfriend more than you.

Were through? come on, be creative...

Uhhh, tell her she is boring and the sex sucks, then walk out and never speak to her again. Ok nevermind the sex sucks part. The nerve of some people, you are together and she is putting you down infront of others, no respect.

Teacup, you alright?

Hey, we all feel and wonder the same things you do. I have been on both sides and I know I still think of the ones I left, how can you not? You were a part of their life. The memories do not go away, they may not think of us how we would like them to but they do think of us from time to time, they have memories too.

Hang in there.

Empty room, empty room

How am I gonna fill U?

How am I gonna fill this empty room?

Love is strong, however long

We should've been 4ever

How am I ever gonna fill this empty room?

Found a strand of your hair

By the bathroom window

How am I ever gonna get U off my mind?

In my bed, in my head

Every word U've spoken

Now how am I gonna fill this empty room?

Lonely hearts, worlds apart

Why should they be broken?

When we could be somewhere makin' love

Love is strong, however long

We should've been 4ever

Baby, why did U leave me all alone?

Why'd U do it?

Barren walls, tears fall

What's the use in cryin'?

I gotta find a way, find a way 2 fill this empty room

Teacup:

Yours words I will remember.

Shamus:

The more I hear about your ordeal the more I see we went through almost the exact same thing. I have said it before and I will say it again, I feel for you, I understand everything you are feeling and what you are going through. It's not right but we have to put it behind us, I just wish I knew how.

Tell me about it...

She went from saying "I want to marry you", "I never thought I would ever meet a man like you" (remember she was a lesbian), "I would eat meet to prove how much I love you" (she was a vegetarian). Within one week of saying all this she ups a goes without any reason besides she met another women.

Sucks I tell ya.

I have just replied to another one of your posts and I see this one...

I know what you mean about the trust thing, it is hard isn't it. I have lost my ability to trust, I had a problem with trust before and lost a very special girl because of it, how the hell am I suppose to trust now? The words she spoke, they were so convincing so real and then within a moment you find out you meant nothing, it was all lies.

I feel for you man, went through the exact same thing except she took off with another women. She played me big time and it does hurt like hell. Hang in there, I feel your pain.

Hang in there girl, you are doing the right thing. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him and start putting it behind you. I know how you feel, I had recently been left by my girl and we were only together 2.5 months, after all the promises and everything she ended up being a lesbian and left me for another women, turned around telling me things did not work out between us and that was 1 week after crying to be with me so go figure, all lies from the beginning. I know how much it hurts, they were the best 2.5 months I have spent with anyone and I do understand the missing, it hurts like hell. I really feel for you and I wish I could give you the strength to get through this. Just remember one thing, you are better off without him.

My ex had them, I hated them.

They do not look natural and they sure as hell don't feel it either. They are a turn off for me as well. Live with what you have, I would rather have a girl with small rather than fake.

I am right there with you guys as well. One day she is begging to be with me, crying to be with me and I take her back and a week later she vanishes just like that. I know she met someone else. This was a month ago and it just happened to be on my Birthday, actually her birthday too, yes we had the same borthday but I am not letting this get to me. Sure I miss her voice and her touch more than anything in this world but one thing I have learned is that actions speak louder than words, if someone can be like that and then just up and go with someone else well she was not worth it to begin with. I know it is hard, believe me I know and I also know that this will come around and bite her in the you know what as soon as that relationship fails.

I think you are the only one that can answer that question.

Do you want your ex back?

If you do then go for it if not then remain on NC. Of course this is assuming your ex does want you back.

I can see how you would be in a tough posittion here. If you start talking to your ex about getting back it sounds like the other women will find out.

You do have a tough decision to make however I feel you are going to have to make the call. I don't think there is anyone that will be able to give you advice with this one, it is catch 22. All I can say is follow your heart.

The only thing I am concerned about is you not being over your ex and dating a little too soon. You have put yourself into a position to not only hurt yourself but this other women that looks like she is starting to have feelings for you.

If he is going to "Pull Chicks" with his friends then I can agree with her however if he is just going to hang out with friends and she has something against that then there is a trust issue here. I had a problem with my ex going out with her friends but it was only because I was never wanted around her when she went out with her friends (long story) so that bothered me and I would be upset because it made me feel unimportant to her and felt like she was embarrassed to be around me but I would not tell her she couldn't go. I did get really upset once and told her I don't want a girlfriend that went to clubs without me and I know that was wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I have done things that I regret in all my relationships however I also know that I come out of each relationship a better person due to the mistakes I made, I learned from my mistakes and I guess you can say I also grew up. What ages are these men that you have running around in your area looking for women like that?

Going back to the friends thing I understand completely. I did fail to mention that one of my ex's is really close to my parents, always has been and always will be however I have not remained friends with her, I have not spoken to her in years and I can't exactly tell my parents what they do however saying that they also respect my relationship and do not allow it to interfere in anyway so I can't complain. The other one just contacted me a few times because I still had her belongings in storage and she had given her mother some of my things, she contacted basically to get her stuff back and to send me mine. I did email her sister once to get a recipe that I really liked and the other times were for something I had installed for her sister and they didn't know how to update the device and they didn't know anyone that knew about the device, come to think of it now it was her sister that emailed me asking.

That is funny, what you just described that you are looking for is me to the letter. Well except for one thing but it is something I share with my partner only if she is comfortable with it.

Hey, don't give up. There are men out there that are like that. You just need to find one. It really is unfortunate what you had to go through.

Don't be afraid of it. Love like you've never been hurt. Just keep your eyes wide open when it starts. Look carefully (but not too critically that you chase the other person away before it starts).

After that all I can say is hope for the best and try not to think about it.

You seem very bitter about this ex thing, if you were my women than yes I would tell them never to call again. Let me tell you one thing, As long as I am ever in a relationship I am devoted to my partner and would not even think about getting with anyone else, ex or not and I would not end the relationship to be with someone else if I love the person I am with. I am not going to get into what the questions were and all that but just because an ex called me does not mean I am going to jump into bed with them, it does not mean I am leaving the door open. It only means that they called me 1 or 2 days out of 365, it is harmless. I am sorry what you had to deal with however not all men are like them.

SALLY_ANNE that is why I said if they started calling frequently I would tell them. If they call once or twice a year just to ask a question that does not pertain to me or the relationship we had then I simply answer them, I do not let the conversation carry on and if they even tried to make the conversation personal then I would tell them on the spot.

Out of respect for my significant other I do not remain in contact with ex's. Sure they may contact me and I have no control over that but if they do I do not make time for them, I tell them I am busy and get off the phone. I do not tell them not to call me but if they started calling frequently I would tell them.

I have one ex that is very close to the parents and they even know if she is going to be coming for a visit to let me know so I am not around when it happens.

It's just all out of respect.

Nothing that a psychiatrist can't help with but he did push it over the line by forcing himself onto you regardless of what he realized after that is just demented and again the showing up uninvited, he has got issues and needs help. He should realize he needs help and get it, until then stay away from him. How could you have any feelings for someone that does those things to you.