This is my first posting and I'm not quite sure were to begin. My wife and I are happily married for 6 years. This is a second marriage for both of us. Essentially we were both starting life over again at 40 something. She began a teaching career 6 years and ago and I work as an electrician. She has two boys (21 and 18 years of age) whom I am helping to get through college and for the most part have always gotten along with. They havnt seen their father in almost 17 years since she left Ireland (where they wer born) because of an alcohol related abusive relationship. I too have three children (18,20 and 23) that have not had much to do with me since I was remarryed as my X has and always will have a problem with it. The last two years of our marriage was tough, not rough, just tough as she needed $30,000.00 in dental work and worked and completed her masters degree..another 32 grand! In order to give her the space she needed I kept busy remodeling the house, mainly a new kitchen and bathroom whcih I did entirely myself.
Now that it is all behind us, there is a tension between us and she keeps stating that she needs her "down time". I cant get an exact definition except she claims I am too needy. My needs are simple, let me love you on occasions and be my best friend..thats why I married her. The more I try to talk to her, the more I feel resistance. Our sex life that was once wonderful has gone down the tubes and Im on the fence as what to do next. I feel like a utility with a big wallet. The lastest thing is she needs a few days to herself to go to Southbeach. She went last year with a friend and everytime she tells her story, I get different versions. Like the time she was telling a friend she was sun bathing topless when 6 months prior she told she wasn't. I cant help but to get the feeling there is someone else in her life. Today I stopped home to do some paperwork and she happened to come home from school, she was a bit surprised to see me there and told me she had to get back right away. I keep asking myself, did she come home because her cell phone is not working and needed to make a call? I have gotten several calls at home in which the caller hangs up as soon as I answer and say hello.
Maybe Im being paraniod, I so damn confused I dont know what to do. If someone there can tell me what "down time" really is that would help, or maybe its time for me to move on. I love her with all my heart, but cant take much moreof the hurting.
Any advise would be appreciated.
Thank You
Dennis O
