Hi, new here. Not sure exactly what I am looking for. Someone to give some advice, suggestions, hints... I don't know. Let me give you the story and I know that I am the one to blame. I was married about 2 and a half years ago. It was my second marriage. My first, I was with someone that I got pregnant and she was just a horrible person, but I tried to do the "right thing" by marrying her. She was a drunk, druggie, thief, abusive and a cheater. I ended up getting custody of our daughter (which that should show you how my ex-wife was - since you hardly hear of a guy getting custody). Anyways, I got remarried after 7 years of being a single parent. So i brought some baggage into the marriage. We were great together. She become the mother my daughter never had! She got pregant about 1 1/2 years ago and that is when things went bad. I know it was my fault. I didn't want another kid, not at that stage in our relationship. I know I had issues, scars from the first relationship. I was not supportive during the pregnancy like she needed (and she understandable resents that). I was afraid to have another kid. I know they were selfish reasons. After being a single parent for 7 years, I wanted things for myself that I couldn't have in the past. Things that with another kid would again be put on hold. My first kid was 10 years old and I would now be able to do things. Go out, buy what I wanted (money situation got a lot better) just more freedom- which I wanted both my wife and myself to enjoy. Moving on, sorry. We had the kid. A son. i was instantly in love with him. How could I not be? I did not help the wife out with the early stages. I did not get up in the middle of the night when he woke up. Why? A few reasons. I was working-she wasn't, I could not get him to stop crying and she would end up getting having to get anyway. We moved to Germany. I ended up with a job I hate, working crappy hours, long hours and different shifts. 6am-6pm then a few months later 6pm - 6am. This of course did not help the marriage. She started hating Germany. We started fighting all the time. She would come to me, talk to me and I would let it go in one ear and out the other. I thought she was just letting off steam (like that horrible book says - men are from mars, women from venus- don't ever read it, all lies) but obviously, I was wrong. I am trying to give the short version and just hit the high notes, so to speak. Now she is back in the States. We have talked on the phone on a regular basis. Sometimes every day. She says she refuses to come back to Germany, she hates it here that much. (I have 2 and a half years left here) One phone conversation she wants divorce, the next she wants to work it out. The next she misses me, the next she doesn't think about me at all. All our conversations ended with love and miss you. I at one point told her she didn't have to say it if she didn't mean it, she got mad and insisted she meant it.I have the steady opinion that I want to work it out. Our last conversation was the worst. I am in the military and told her I would try to get out, come to where she is so we can work it out (this was two conversations ago). She liked that idea. Now back to the last conversation. When I brought up that subject again her statement was: " I (as in my wife) think the only reason I am saying that I want to work it out is because you want it so bad. I don't think it would be a good idea." She has been see-sawing for weeks, but this one sounded pretty harsh. I know what I did wrong. I was a grouch, I was not the good father (as in I didn't help her enough) I didn't pay enough attention to her. I don't know why, but I didn't see it then, but since she left I know. I feel horrible. I miss her and I miss my son. I love them both terribly and I want the chance to correct what I did wrong. I don't know what I am looking for here, to just get it off my chest, hear some opinions, suggestions or what. But, it is out now. If you read it, sorry for the length and thanks for reading it all.
Josh
