Hey, I really need some advice. It's a bit of a read, but if anybody can help me I'd really appreciate it. Thanks in advance.
There's this girl who has had a boyfriend for 2 years. I'm crazy about her. Thing is, she used to have feelings for mefor about 4 years now, and about 1.5 years ago we actually almost got together, but I let that chance pass cause I didn't think I could offer her as much as her boyfriend could (I was actually homeless at the time, I tan away from my parents, moving between friends' homes, and had nearly no extra money to spend to ever really treat her well. And I was really not in an emotionally stable point at that time). So at the time I just got scared and turned away, and it hurt her.
Now 1.5 years later, we've met a few times and i feel like she still liked me. My situations changed. I've patched things up with my parents, and I've had very well paid jobs, and even though I had been involved with a few girls since then, I still couldn't get her out of my mind. She really is special to me.
I contacted her this last week with text messages, and she ignored me at first, but I really persisted as confidently as I could and I told her how much I liked her and that I wouldn't turn away from her again if she gave me a chance. Apparently what I said hurt her (her boyfriend texted me saying that).
Anyway, I think she still has some feelings for me (just from the way I've seen her act around me, and from the fact that she got hurt when I told her how I felt). But she's told me pretty firmly that shes in love with her boyfriend. It took her a few days before she was ready to reply to me.
Anyway, now I feel really regretful about turning her down before, even though it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. And I do really want her to be as happy as possible, even if it means she's with her boyfriend, but I really can't stop thinking about her. I sent her a text when I was drunk last night telling her how I felt again, and made myself look desperate.
This time, I really put myself out there for her, cause I knew I'd regret it if I didn't give it my all. I ended up getting hurt. Anyway, I told her I'd leave her alone now. I don't want to make her uncomfortable and her boyfriend seems like a nice guy. And I told her I was pretty much over it already now, cause I didn't want her to feel bad about it or be sorry for me anymore.
I know I can get another girl quite easily, but this girl was really special to me. I can't get her out of my mind now. I wish I could erase all my memories of this just so I wouldn't have to stay up all night feeling guilty, regretful and depressed. It hurts worse knowing she still has some feelings for me, but I can't find anyway to make her mine. I know if she just gave me a chance, it would work out.
Anyway, I just need advice on how to get over these kind of feelings. I've tried to get over it so many times in the last year, and I just could never stop it. Being with another girl makes it easier for a while, but it doesn't really help that much. I don't want to take drugs anymore. I've never really been like this before, I'm usually able to keep my cool in front of people and not let emotions overwhelm me, but it feels like whenever I'm around this girl, that she was made for me and I was made for her, and I know she feels that too. And I'm haunted by the possibility that there might be a way to get her to give me a try and that I haven't found out how yet.
Thanks for reading. I really needed to vent this out. And I really need some kind of advice for getting over someone.
