sunshine85

I keep thinkning about calling hime...telling him all that.. how the past won't hurt us etc....but we talked about that to death before he left... he just kept saying this is too big of a problem, and he doesn't know how much time it will take to get over...He reminded me I'm not a bad person, and he doesn't want to not see me again....he even confused me with maybe in some time we'll want to date again, or he would want to and I wouldn't, but these could just be statements people say when they leave he just packed his stuff and we haven't spoke since... I feel like when he is ready he will call, but who knows? I suggested the couseling thing, but he really wasn't into that before he left. thanks for listening

I guess I should also add more specifics, so the situation is a little clearer. We had moved into together...started planning the wedding, he was just saving for the ring. We had booked it and everything. Then when he found out about my past, he said if the wedding was tomorrow he wasn't sure he could do it. We went on like that for a few weeks, post poned the wedding...yada yada and everything was fine except he couldn't getr over that. His big concern was how long would it take hime to get over it...he went to see a therapist once......but he got nothing from it he said. We talked for weeks about how this wasn't part of our relationship now, and how much we loved each other....but he couldn't get it out of his head...especially my past partners....(when he had plenty too!!) He said his gut told him to leave, the same gut thattold him weeks before he wanted to marry me...so I am very confused!! I want to break NC and see if he changed his mind, but I know if he did he would call me....still it is hard. I keep thinking in time, he will miss me and what we had, but the future is never clear. I am also worried, that he will change all his contact info etc, and he will be out of life forever....he also owes me some money, but I am too tired to try to deal with that now. Maybe time will make him realize that the past is just that the past! I can only sit here and try not to think about it...and how easy it is for him to move on. I keep thinking about how he cried like a baby when he left....was that just an act? so many ???'s and no answers thanks for listening

I hear ya... In the past I had problems with eating, and sleeping with people....but it has been years!! I thought if I was going to marry someone I should be honest with my past...but he feels he would rather not know. We thought about giving it time, but he kept saying that he didn't know how much time it would take to get over these things.... I guess I keep thinking if I do NC, that will give him the time to "get over it" but I guess you are right....if it is affecting him now it is a problem thanks for the post

Hi all, just found this board...and it has been sooooo helpful! Trying the NC thing although...doesn't seem to get easier!! To be short and sweet, me and my ex-bf(almost fiance), broke up because he cannot get over things that happened in my past (problems, crazy behavior, other partners)...all of which have not affected us now, except the fact that he "can't get them out of his head" When he moved out he told me that everything was perfect...us getting along etc...and he would marry me except for those issues, and that maybe another guy could handle those past issues better than him. So my question is will time help him see that we had a great realtionship and those past issues are not going to affect us...I cannot understand giving up a great relationship because of somthing in my past.... I have done 2 weeks straight NC, even though his mail is still here and some of his stuff, I haven't used that as an excuse to call....although I want to!!!! Thanks for listening