BobPlant

Sounds like she may have borderline personality disorder. When you first meet them it’s like winning the jackpot with your first coin and the rush is amazing. Then you’ll keep putting coins in for the rest of the relationship and never get a return. Then they hate you out of nowhere. Been there. No matter what you decide you should work on yourself first. Best outcome in any scenario.,

Apparently he only went back to his wife for the sake of the kids. They only live together for the kids. I’ve checked out her social media and this part appears true. She hasn’t had a photo up of him since 2018 and her relationship status isn’t public. I still can’t wrap my head around it that because she’d ended it she felt that it was ok for them to be friends. We still don’t have an apt for couples counselling due to the waiting list, but I’m muddling along best I can meantime. She does have many good qualities and I find it strange that she’s trying really hard to keep me in her life/ willing to go for counselling. If she didn’t love me I don’t think she would try. I doubt I’ll ever be as close to her again though and I’ve certainly no intentions of moving in with her or proposing- things that were on the cards before I found all this out. Thanks for your response.

It’s a tough one. She’s never lied to me, she just hasn’t been truthful.

Yes, yes I do. If it ever happened again I’d sever all ties.

Yes, I believe she would still be doing it.

After.

Thanks everyone for your input. I’m not fluent on how these comments work yet regarding replies and quotes, but I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it. My anger is subsiding a bit now and a little clarity is beginning to form around my situation. Self care is the key, no matter which way the relationship goes. I’m going to come out of this a lot stronger and not be taken for a ride ever again.

I caught HSV ten years ago from a long term partner and only had the initial outbreak and nothing since. I always tell new partners and if anything it has stopped me playing the field, opting instead for proper relationships. I’ve never passed it on to anyone, but I do know it could pop up at anytime. Hope this helps.

She’s no longer seeing him or messaging him.

It’s more because I can’t make money in my usual way because it takes up so much of my time, not as a punishment. She’s still getting a bargain.

I’m actually a musician, but during lockdown I got a job working with a builder. My first job was building a conservatory for her and that’s how we met. I’m still a musician, but I’m helping build an extension now. I originally intended to do it for free, but it’s taken up so much of my time I’m now being paid. Or should I say since discovering her secret I’m now being paid.

She’s no longer seeing him or messaging him and I do believe this. Obviously she will bump into him at work and she’s only in the office two days a week. We don’t live together and I’m currently building an extension on her house.

Well, after reading some of their messages where she’s asking him if he’s seeing anyone at the moment because if he was “she’d like to know? “ I can’t help but feeling that the feelings were put aside. I think had the circumstances been different and he hadn’t gone back to his wife she’d still be with him. Many years ago when I met my ex wife she was still hanging about with her ex boyfriend. He was in her group of friends and he became my friend and we went to his wedding etc, so no issues there if there had been honesty from the start. He was also asking her “ Was I ever with you ? “ and her answer was “ Yes “. I do believe she loves me, but I can’t believe for a second she didn’t think she was up to anything wrong. When I confronted her about it her heart was racing and she started to panic - not the reaction you would expect if it was strictly platonic. As for being mis - sold - I’d have never got with her if I’d know the full story. I’d have politely declined, but I fell in love and here I am 2 years later thinking that the relationship wasn’t as real as I thought it was.

It was never brought up that I should meet him. I usually work weekends and they’d meet up on a Friday once a month/6 weeks. They work in the same building, but not the same office and they would go out for lunch regularly. She’s a lot of photos of him clowning around in the office.

She mentioned him often. At one point early on I was going to ask about him, but I didn’t want to come across as the possessive jealous type. She usually went out in a group of 4. I found a lot of selfies with this guy all taken whilst she was in a relationship with me. They look like a couple in the photos. I was never shown these. Quite often the other two would leave early and they would share a taxi home together late on. I have met most of her uni/school friends, but never her work friends. I’m 51 and she’s 43. Not my first time round the block.