CadusBane

“now I know it can happen again and again, in any unexpected“ Thats right brother, we’re on the beach for a bit. Hey happened to me also. I got feelings for old crush more than ever had for my girlfriend. I loved the feeling, was one of many reasons I ended the relationship on my side at least. We’re going to get to our ones meant for us through God.

Wow! So well said 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻!!!! Please do take the time to be single, get to know yourself fully. Find out what you need and don’t, what you want to give and do for your future husband. Being single is a blessing again, didn’t know how much my relationship was stressing me out till it ended. Resting heart rate is down 12 bpm and stomach isn’t tied into knots. If you feel it’s one sided, get out. In my relationship it was all about her wants, sex, needs, and support. When I needed to talk about my life and issues, literally she said “oh my poor baby.” That’s it, all she would say because she didn’t know what to say. When I didn’t have the energy to talk or lift her mood, she was silent on the other end of the phone. It’s awful being in a one sided relationship. You’ve got great handle on what’s going on it sounds like, it is tough to end it. Even though I was happy to have it end, didn’t mean wasn’t going to cry hard and have my chest ache from the pain, because it did. Yet it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Praying for you.

Sorry you have to deal with those that can be backhanded in a negative way. Want to tell you small part of my story/testimony. I am 44 and gave my life to Christ at age 12 and 22, yet both times I kept living in sin. Felt a call on my life since I was young to serve the Lord, and yet I kept going and God kept trying to get my attention. I’ve battle a nervous system illness, long battle to prove it, painkiller addiction, liar, lust, and so much anger. Last two years I’ve battled a chronic infection, to make it a full year to be hit May 30 with Lyme’s disease, I was broken and useless man as I fell to my knees and asked to be forgiven. Yet felt nothing this time, then June 26th had a day where I wanted to rage and stop talking totally. Till God got my attention and I asked the Holy Spirit to fill me. I felt changed and my mind and body changed with it. My girlfriend of 9 years didn’t like this. She said I was different, to two days later angry I was bribing up the Bible and sin suddenly, and finally she couldn’t walk the path I was going to walk. I ended it in my heart as she said that. The next day we’d agreed to end it. I say all of this because once I removed the sex from the relationship had nothing left. I was a lair, cheat and hypocrite in the relationship, she was emotionally draining, needy, jealous, and we always had different core beliefs. If I spoke out of line it was like stepping on a land mine, and I’d have to back off and shut up to have peace. Reading what you wrote about the dishes, I could feel the anxiety for you good sir. Dealt with OCD mom and sister, at the same time. It’s a nightmare to live like that, as my mom is now in decline from early stages of dementia. She had a stroke in 19 and another the day we planned my dad’s funeral held two years ago today. Everything of her’s is out of order and it eats her up inside. I don’t have all the energy to do it all either for her. After almost 30 years of dating let be honest with you. Relationships are already a lot of hard work, this relationship for you seems far more stressful then joyful. Her faith will always play a role in her life and so will order. Think about past relationships, weren’t they more fun? The hardest thing we have to do sometimes as adult is tell ourselves the truth or in some cases learn to tell ourselves the truth. I understand the fear of being abandoned, used to be like that after was divorced in 02 after only two and half years together. Yet I was a painkiller addict, was awful husband and in a lot of pain. I got clean and therapy, learned not only about telling myself the truth, also about I’m responsible for my feelings no one else. Tell yourself the truth, are you happy? Or are you stressed out? Is she really the one? You can be single again, you’re strong and wise to seek the council of others. Know that you have the enjoyment to be happy and content in life with your future partner. Take care of yourself, and know you’re not alone ever.

Agreed! Be honest, as Billy Joel said “You got to tell her about it, before you wait too long.” Is it true how you feel about her? Be brave, there is no shame in the truth! We are all out of high school, and you don’t sound shy. Long talks and flirty photos are a sign, and believe me as a teen back in the 90’s I was flirt oblivious. You’re both adults, and if she isn’t into you more than a friend. Tell her your understand, but think you in your heart know the answer to the question. edit Bane here. Sorry. Didn’t see where the energy changed with you and her. Trust your spirit if it’s speaking to you. It’s God’s gift. We all can read how others talk and text. Out of 9 year relationship as of a week ago Friday, when she was mad she’d start using , and - because she was a journalism minor in college. Understand the hurt and know the heart heals, maybe a mark for awhile. It’s the ones that scar we remember most. Be honest with yourself, you’ve gained some new insight about a different woman in life. That can be great building block for your future relationships. All the past ones I’ve been in have taught me so much. From 15-44. We gain new insights with each new person we share a bond for a season and a God given reason.

Trust me when I tell you this, lived this same life till last Friday June 30th. Nine years this last May. We are older, yet very similar situation. Roles reversed, I was the man asking for her help with life and my mom. She’s struggling with early stage dementia. She and I lived apart, I am disabled due to an illness called reflex, sympathetic dystrophy. She saw pasted that and enjoyed that I liked to learn and collect pop culture items, movies, shows, and games. Yet I felt hallow empty, because two years to today was my dad’s funeral, it was during this funeral something happened between the two of us. Honestly didn’t know could happen to a man, happened day before and after the funeral. My dad had just passed, wasn’t really in the mood to do anything but be hugged and let me talk. Not what she wanted and she took it and I was in shock, didn’t say a word or make a sound during. When she went back home, I was very messed up. Last year got in touch with a high school friend/crush. We got to talking and it was night and day how she and I could talk and laugh together. We got close really fast, she is married and I was with my girlfriend. By a month in flirting more and another month in we were sleeping together. Noticed how different I felt with someone that got me and knew me a long time. We quickly noticed we were being stupid, we tried to slow down but we couldn’t. Suddenly she was struggling one night and set me some disturbing videos from “another friend” she had, well wasn’t I the fool there. Broke it off she got passive aggressive real fast. So lost a friend and an amazing relationship, so I thought. I am not ashamed of what happened to me on June 26th though. I’d been told end of May I have Lyme’s disease. By second day in I was done and wanted to die. I got on my knees and prayed “Lord I am a broken and useless man, if you’ll have me forgive me. My life is yours Lord, my life is yours Lord, my life is yours I’ve lived 44 years in a lot of pain and drowning I sin. I had a very rough day, June 26th and wanted to rage, scream, and stop talking to people period. I was done with people. Wanted to be alone with my stuff and I’d be fine. Then was lead to first Corinthians chapter 13. “If I speak in the tongues a a of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy b and can fathom all mysteries c and all knowledge, d and if I have a faith e that can move mountains, f but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor g and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, a h but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, i love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. j 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, k it is not easily angered, l it keeps no record of wrongs. m 6 Love does not delight in evil n but rejoices with the truth. o 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. p 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, q they will cease; where there are tongues, r they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part s and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, t what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood u behind me.” Simply I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to fill me He did, and life changed from night to day. The Bible made sense and I have a real relationship with God now. My girlfriend noticed right away that something was different with me. She said I started being all formal. I’d prayed God would give me the words, He did. I started explaining all that happened and what changed that Monday, on June 26th of 21 was last day whole family spent with my dad. He was a follower of Christ, know that night he was praying so much for each of his kids and mom. As I’d texted her during the week the less she liked it, “I was talking about the Bible and sin, I was flirty or responding when she’d be trying to get me to say our names for each other.” By Thursday the 29th I told her I was on a new path and nothing will make me leave it, as God has been part of my life and I’d been fighting the call of my life. She simple says “what about our sex?” I lied at the time saying I didn’t know and could this wait? My mom was coming home from eye surgery, and I needed to take care of her. Soon as the call ended I was done with the relationship. The next day we ended together over texts of all things. Because in spring of 22 when I tried in person at the hotel she scream cried, in summer of 22 over the phone she cried and cried till I took it back. I was a lier, a cheat, and a hypocrite in my relationship. She wanted all my time for her, gave me no emotional support, no encouragement, and when I took the sex away that’s all it took to make it fall. Took me 44 years to find the issues I’ve been dealing with a long time. I ask that after nine years together, and you’re wanting to be his wife and he has to think about it for even a second? Be honest first with yourself, learn to tell yourself the truth, highly recommend Boundaries by John Townsend and Henry Cloud. If you believe or not, this book teaches you about what’s health in love and relationships. Think about what your needs are, then honesty talk to your boyfriend. Ask him why he needs to wait or think after nine years. Encourage you to be strong and know that you’re loved no matter what.