Amod47

I hate you for this.I swore to myself I would never let another man make me feel this way again. I was doing so well. I hate you for making me feel like we had a fairytale story that was just made for us and I hate you for making me believe every single word you said to me. I hate you for selling me the dream and ripping it away over night. I was desperate to keep you, I knew you were leaving but still you fed me more b.s and said you wernt. I was awake all night crying and holding on to you whilst you slept, dreaming about your ex. You told me you didn't love her any more and made me feel silly for thinking there was still feelings there. You told me every single day that you wouldn't never let me go, I wa tour angel, thst any man who has let me go before is crazy. You told me I was your future and you could see yourself marrying me. You told me all the dreams you had of us having a family and how happy it made you. You told me you've never felt this way. You told me all this and then shut me off overnight whilst I'm still lying in bed next to you. You wouldn't even look me in the eye. You're a coward. You're a coward with your own feelings, you're a coward with the way you ended it with me and you've been a coward with your ex. I would have given you the world and you knew that bevause you promised me the same. How dare you play me. How dare you play on my wants in life to make me fall for you so quickly and then leave. How dare you shut me off so coldly. How dare you perause me to come bavk to work in the same building as you knowing you were going to do this. How dare you tell everyone one about us when I was so nervous to incase that happened. You told me you wanted to shout about me bevause i was yours. How dare you make me feel like my feelings are stupid when you are the one who caused this. You wanted this fairy tale love. I have the message to say so. You wanted all of it and despite me saying I felt vulnerable and scared, I gave you everything you wanted and offered even more. I hate that I'm still waiting for you to change your mind. I hate that I WILL be waiting for you to change your mind. I hate that I dont care if you're not over your ex and I'd wait for you to process it. I hate that I still want you more than anything and anyone. I hate that you have got me questioning everything. I hate that will never trust another man again. I hate that I fell for you and i hate that you made it so easy. I hate how it hurts me to get out of bed and so the most basic of things when you're back to normal. I hate how every single thing reminds me of you. I hate how you've taken my peace away and made me want to isolate..I hate how I feel all this. I hate the thiught of not speaking to you every day and waking up to a good morning text off you. I hate that you've done this to me and I hate that I know I'd forgive you.

I lived in a shared house right now so when we see each other we spend the whole time in my room unless we go for food etc

Hi all. Hoping for some outsider insight as I'm really struggling to get out of my own head. I've (27)been with my boyfriend (32) for slightly over 3 years. We were a Pandemic relationship so we never got to spend our honey moon period together but otherwise we were strong for the first year. After things things started to slip and it's just got worse since. To cut ! very long story short, he still lives with his mum and because of a lot of mental health issues since his dad died she is extremely dependable on him. She doesn't do anything in the house and won't leave the house. This means in our whole rationship ive only met her once and never been invited to his house. This is where the main problem starts, I can not ignore the fact I've never been invited into his home life. There's a whole side to him I dont know about and he keeps giving me false promises that it will happen but it never does. He said it won't happen until his home is clean and much better than how it is now. I've also never met his friends. On a side note I don't believe there's any other reasons apart from that noted, or that he's hiding anything. He's not willing to budge on the matter and I'm not willing to let me desires go of having a close family. He wants children one day but I'm struggling with the thought that my future children will be going to a stranger, because he's made it clear I'll never have a strong relationship with his Mum but she will want to be part of grandchildren lives. I've dreamt of having a large family and having strong bonds. I don't want to give this up and I feel selfish but I also feel terrible because it's only him and his Mum, so he doesn't have anyone else. My family live an hour away so it's sometimes difficult for me to see them and I've always made it known to him I'm nervous to start a family because I'll be so isolated. So not having any ties to his side either makes me nervous. He only has his Mum.n Another side issue, we never have sex. It's always been a problem and no matter what we do we just can't seem to get it to happen. We both want to, but when it comes down to it we both get into our own heads and it just vets awkward. We're both so used to it failing now both of us are too nervous to initiate it. There's also been a few instances along the lines which have made mess attracted to him. We can't seam to come to a solution. It's very much I either A) get over the fact I won't be part of his home life and start being a good happy girlfriend again or B) move on but feel like a terrible person for doing so. He promises me it will happen but those promises have lasted 3 years already. I feel like 27 is too old to start again. I don't know what to do. I love him but i can't trust his promises anymore.