johnbarney

I made it clear that I still wanted to be friends if she didn't want to me more than that though. So how hard would it have been for her to say let's just be friends? And over Christmas when she had a weekend off from coming, I said she'd be welcome to come and stay whatever she decides but still she said she'll think about it. Giving me hope that we were about to go into the New Year as a couple. I find it very frustrating that people have to change because personally if I like someone then my feelings for her don't change and I'll make every effort to try to make things work.

Well it took a lot of courage for me to ask someone out in the first place and I don't want this to be difficult if I manage to move on from her and find someone else I like.

Don't you think that if someone says maybe to dating and then they come to stay with you, it's reasonable to imagine that it might be a date? We went out for dinner together on the first night and then went bowling, for a walk and watched a movie together on the next day and things were going really well so I asked to kiss her and that's when she told me that she's taking things one day at a time because of what she's been through. So I said I wasn't sure if this weekend was a long date or not and she didn't say it wasn't - she just didn't answer that question.

I did actually ask her first on a message before the first weekend she came to stay but we had spent a bit of time together already. So I messaged her and asked her if she'd be interested in dating each other. She put a heart on my message and said it's not a no and it's surprising. So I asked if it's a maybe and she said yes but she doesn't see how it would work as we live so far away from each other. So I said that she can come to me and I can visit her in her area and if things got serious we could live together. After all that was it not reasonable of me to imagine that when she first came to stay that was a date?

I'm personally not a fan of blocking people as I think it's a horrible thing to do. It can be very distressing for the other person.

She did say a few times that she'll think about it. But having said that she also wanted me to stop talking about it which was tough for me.

The thing is that if I'd walked away and then seen that she's in this relationship now then I'd be thinking that I'd missed out by not waiting. So it's only by doing what I did that I really know that it's not going to happen with her. I don't think there's any such thing as over investing in the right person because a relationship with her would be worth more than anything else in the world Well one thing I don't understand is that I've offered to lend her money loads of times when she moaned about her financial situation and she refused. So if she didn't care about me at all in the end then why wouldn't she take some money before blocking me?

Well my perspective is that she's been a huge part of my life for the last couple of months so she should have let me know asap when she was seeing someone else. Ah well it's awkward not knowing how it would be if I saw her in front of the mutual friends.

Not really. She told me several times she'll think about it.

Is it really self-centred to be upset about this?

Yes but what I had thought is that we'd still be friends either way as I've only ever been nice to her and tried to keep things friendly and I thought she'd only ever be nice too.

I still think if she wasn't interested then she should have said this. I took what she said literally meaning that if she was ready for a relationship then she might want one with me.

If she's not interested then I think it's incredibly rude not to just reply and let you know. I'd personally give her the benefit of the doubt and send another message.

But one time when she said it's hard to trust someone again, she said it's not me. That signalled to me that she would be interested once she is ready again.

😢 It's still great to have spent all this time with such a special person

Isn't it worth making every effort to be in a relationship with someone that I really like though?

I see your point. Personally if someone that I really like wants to spend time with me then I'm not going to say no though.

Because if I really like someone then that's not going to change and also I see a relationship as a serious commitment. I valued her friendship and didn't think she'd end up cutting me off so it wasn't just about changing her mind. True but on the other hand I'm feeling so depressed now because of what's happened whereas if she'd said no 8 weeks ago then I wouldn't be having to go through this. So can you see that it causes a lot of distress not to just be honest if you're not interested?

Ah I get what you're saying, thanks. I have seen When Harry Met Sally and love it. I know how it all sounds looking at it objectively but for me, she seemed like such a lovely and genuine person and I thought that she meant everything that she said. So when she made excuses I tried to overcome them rather than assume that she never wants a relationship with me. Why does dating have to be so difficult? 😞

Well she was happy to keep staying with me. But she's not on her own because she's clearly with this other guy even though she tried to deny it. I would have always stuck by her and made sure she was ok though.

We'll never know what would have happened if she hadn't met him though

Well if she'd developed feelings for me then I'm sure we would have both been happy

Spending time with her made me feel so happy though, isn't that what matters? And as she's been messed around by other people, I felt sorry for her and wanted to try to make her happy. Well most of her friends are male but I don't know if that means anything? I don't know how to move on from someone that I like so much 😞

Ah sorry to hear that 😞 I think if she definitely wasn't interested then she should have told me rather than letting me keep asking and getting more attached. You say she didn't want to hurt me but why would she block me if that's the case? Isn't it normal to look at her new boyfriend's profile in that situation? I don't know what will happen if I bump into her sometime because she may stay with one of the other friends sometime to come to one of the events that we go to.

It's hard for me to see anyone else in that way when I like her so much. I've used dating apps quite a bit but what always happens is I get attached to someone, then at some point she ghost me and I get really depressed and I don't understand why other people can't just keep things friendly! It was the happiest part of my week, picking her up and having that feeling that I had the whole weekend with her ahead of me.