johnbarney

Thanks. I'm feeling so depressed now 😞

But my understanding was that she didn't want a relationship with anyone but that once she was ready then she would consider me. I also got drawn in by the fact that she put lots of hearts in her messages to me when we started chatting but then I realised that she does this with everyone. Yes but despite her behaviour I really enjoy spending time with her and this didn't change how I feel. She said she's not to be messed with because of how her ex's have treated her - mainly her horrible ex husband. Fairly young but I think it's worth making an effort with someone that I really like. It's tough to go from seeing her every week and messaging most days to not being able to chat to her at all 😞 And the crazy thing is that she's always commenting on the Facebook posts of one of her ex's who ignores her so I would have thought that she'd realise how horrible it is to cut someone off.

I would make every effort for someone that I want to spend time with. And even though it seems that she lied, she told me that she's trying to be a good friend and hasn't messed me around which did make me feel bad for calling her out. I feel sorry for her because her ex husband treated her very badly.

I made it clear that if she doesn't want a relationship with me then I still want to be friends. She never said to me that she didn't want one - even when I asked her about this boyfriend I asked if it meant she didn't see me in that way and she denied it. We didn't actually hook up. She would have never done what I said - in fact I felt that I was the one doing what she said sometimes but I didn't mind because I really enjoyed spending time with her. If her boyfriend were to have a problem with me trying to continue the friendship with her then he'd be the one in the wrong.

It was in the evening and too late for her to get back. I offered to drive her back the next day as I'd never let her down but she chose to pay and get the train; I did drive her to the station though and we parted amicably although she didn't hug me which she normally does when we say goodbye. I don't think that spending time with a friend is using someone. If it wasn't for her new boyfriend then I'm sure that this would have gone on for much longer. I wouldn't be surprised if he told her to block me and she just did what he said.

I feel as though it shouldn't be awkward because if she felt the same way then it would be happy for both of us that I asked and if she wasn't interested then she could have just said. I tried to tell her this. So I do think that she was considering me in that way at first but clearly not since she met this other guy. I didn't manipulate her. I've been nice to her and there was no pressure - she could have said she's not interested at any time and the fact that she didn't indicated to me that she was still potentially interested. I think that blocking someone is a horrible thing to do and implies that she really hates me! Especially after I had her to stay 8 times, kept driving hundreds of miles to her place and back twice a week to get her here and generally made an effort to do nice things with her. Yeah I can try. One of the mutual friends already understands as he told me about the relationship but I doubt the others are aware at the moment.

Thanks. It's very daunting 😞

Well if she's going to tell our mutual friends that I'm a narcissist then it is something to worry about because if this had happened between her and another guy then I would have trusted her side of things as I thought that she was such a lovely person. Yes because although she locked herself in the room, I managed to pursuade her to come on a walk with me the next morning and we had a nice time together as if nothing had happened and I bought her lunch. And then I drove her to the train station. Don't you think it's pretty horrible to block me after having a nice day together without even sending me a message first? Well the other part of the story is that she got upset and locked herself in her room a couple of weeks ago because she was upset with me for the following reasons: 1. For falling asleep in front of films (the reason is actually that I was losing sleep over not knowing where things would go with her) and being on my phone a lot (which is crazy because she's on her phone way more than me!) 2. For relying on her for things (e.g. asking her if she'd make me a smoothie with the smoothie maker that she brought with her, which I hardly think is a big ask seeing as I was putting her up!) 3. For "labouring things on" and repeating things I'd said before when we spoke sometimes I didn't want there to be an issue with her so I just apologised and she said she'd give me another chance but warned me that she's not someone to be messed with. So after locking herself in her room this time, she did say it's a major flag for her that it's happened twice. But having said that, isn't it insane that she blocked me after we ended up having a nice day together afterwards? The thing is if I just tell them we're no longer in touch then they might ask her why and then if she says it's because I'm a narcissist then wouldn't it be bad if I hadn't explained what happened to them?

She lives hundreds of miles away and likes to come over to this area for events. It might seem crazy but I was driving all the way to her place every Friday and then driving her back on Sundays because she can't afford the train so it's the only way I could spend time with her. Not sure it's relevant but she's in her thirties. Well seeing as she's blocked me it's pretty clear that she doesn't want to come back now! Which will be tough for me as she's been here for 8 weekends and it's hard to imagine the weekend without her 😞 My understanding was that she might want a relationship with me one day. She said it's hard for her to trust someone not to hurt her so I thought that spending lots of time together would help to build the trust but also I valued her friendship and really enjoyed her company. I don't think anyone else has ever made me feel so happy.

Well it's a real shame that people can't just say what they're thinking! Her ex husband did terrible things to her so I did think that it was genuine that she needed time to trust someone new because of that. Despite everything, I've really enjoyed her company and I would never cut someone off so it's deeply upsetting that she has done that to me. Especially seeing as I took her for a walk, bought her lunch and drove her to the train station before she left yesterday so I thought things were kind of ok but then she blocked me when she was on the train and I was driving home!! I would have wanted to stay friends so my intentions weren't anything but. I volunteer with those people and get on with them well so am not going to avoid them because of this but I don't know what to do because they may have speculated that she and I were dating and if they ask me how she is it's going to be really awkward to explain that I don't know!

My view is that it wasn't clear whether it would be a friendship forever or become a relationship and I was waiting for her to make up her mind.

If she didn't want a relationship with me then I really think she should have said though. Rather than making it look as though we're dating in front of our mutual friends and then throwing me under the bus! The friendship wasn't a front - I really enjoy her company and it would be great to be in a relationship with her but I'd still want to be friends with her if she doesn't see me in that way. And if she'd just said no when I first asked her about dating then I'm sure that would have happened! I didn't see it as ego driven - rather, my interpretation of what she said was that she would be going into a relationship with me if she was ready! I didn't say she's a narcissist - I said that she labelled me as one. She may well have lied but I enjoy her company and so would still be friends with her. Things aren't going well with my family and I don't have a very big social circle 😞

Well the thing is I asked to kiss her on the first weekend and she didn't say yes but said she enjoyed my company so I asked if she just saw me as a friend and she said it's not that but she's taking things one day at a time at the moment because of what she'd been through. So I took that as an indication that she would be interested at some point - wouldn't it have been easier for her to just say yes when I asked if she just saw me as a friend otherwise? My view was that I like her more than anyone else in the world so surely it's worth waiting for the right person rather than ending up with someone who's not as good. No but as we were good friends and she knew that I was waiting for her, don't you think that she owed it to me to let me know asap if she was seeing someone else? Rather than me finding out because a friend saw a post saying that she was in a relationship!

Well the thing is, when I spoke to her about it she said she hadn't messed me around. I do wonder when she was going to tell me about the relationship if my friend hadn't mentioned it! Yeah well it's pretty hurtful and it worries me that she might tell our mutual friends that I'm a narcissist if they ask about me! And another reason she called me a narcissist was that I went and spoke to her through the door after she had shut herself in the room in my house for several hours when she was upset but all I said is that it would be good to chat because I don't want her to feel this way - was that an unreasonable thing of me to do? I do feel that it's a bit bizarre for someone to shut themself away like that when they're a guest in someone's house but she was happy to come out of the room briefly to use my shower and washing machine! The crazy thing is that she came to stay with me this weekend when she was already in this relationship and also when I asked her about it she said she was going to mention it to me but there hadn't been time yet which is ridiculous as there had been plenty of time and it seems as though she wants to create a picture that she's done nothing wrong and convince herself of that! I had actually said to her a couple of weeks ago that my worry about going on waiting is that it would hurt if she ended up with another guy but she reassured me by saying that she's not dating anyone at the moment! Regarding hints, I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt because isn't it possible that someone would genuinely make excuses to delay going into a relationship?

What I don't understand is why she wouldn't be more careful not to hurt someone else when she said she's so worried about being hurt again. What I meant was do you think she was justified in saying that I'm a narcissist for asking her about the fact that she was chatting to him 8 weeks ago when she had said that she only met him a week ago, and then for me apologising for asking about that the next day? It's tough because she's been so friendly though and I really don't get it when someone can go from being so friendly to blocking someone? And it's also very rude to me when I had her to stay so many times, gave her lots of lifts and was always really nice. I do tend to take things literally. If a woman isn't interested, why doesn't she just say so instead of making excuses and making it seem as though things might go further one day?

We didn't actually sleep together - the reason she stayed at my place is that she lives a long way away. She didn't say she didn't want a relationship with me - she said she wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone at the moment but she didn't say it was a no to me so my understanding was that once she was ready for a relationship then there was no reason that things couldn't go that way between me and her. I don't understand why she wouldn't have just said no when I asked her about it if that was how she felt. Seeing as I had made it clear that I was waiting for her, meaning that I had made a serious committment, don't you think it's reasonable for me to question her about why she's suddenly in a relationship with another guy which she hadn't told me about?

She told me she wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment but that she didn't have anything against me in that way. And she knew that I was waiting for her and not seeing anyone else. So why wouldn't she have just said she wasn't interested in me if that was the case? If she'd just said that the first time then we would have continued as friends without me asking her about this again.

Thanks for your advice. We were just friends but spent the whole weekend together for a couple of months so it kind of felt like dating in some sense but where she wasn't ready to label us as more than friends yet. She seemed like a really genuine person and what I don't understand is if she didn't see me in that way, why didn't she just say so? Because I told her that I was waiting for her and not seeing anyone else. I've become more and more attached to her over the weeks and I cannot believe that she could start seeing someone else and not tell me when she knew how I feel! But when I asked her about her new relationship (which she tried to claim was just a friendship), she denied not seeing me in that way when I questioned her about it. I'm not going to delete our mutual friends - I see them more than she does but it's awkward because they know I've spent a lot of time with her and will probably ask me how she is when I see them so I don't really know how to handle this because if I tell them we're no longer talking then it could sound as though I've done something wrong when I haven't. I was speaking to one of them last night and she asked if I'll be bringing her with me next time we all meet up so I said I don't know but that's kind of just kicking the can down the road. It's going to be hard for me to move on and want to be with another woman because I like this one so much. I do feel as though it would be best if she hadn't blocked me. How can someone go from being so friendly to just blocking me? I would never do that to someone.

I had a good friend and I asked her a couple of months ago about the possibility of a relationship between us to which she said maybe, then we spent a weekend together and I asked again and she said she enjoys my company but because of bad experiences with other guys she's not ready for a relationship at the moment so I suggested that we spend lots of time together and that I'll wait for her and she thought that was a good idea. We spent many weekends together and I brought this up every so often and got a similar response each time, with her saying it's not me but it's really hard for her to trust someone not to hurt her again. When we talked about it a couple of weeks ago, she said that as she's got so much going on in her life, she isn't in a place for a relationship at the moment and I asked if she might never have another relationship again and she said maybe. We spent the next couple of weekends together but during the last weekend a friend found a Facebook post by another guy confirming that he was in a relationship with her and he told me! I was shocked by this as we had just spent the day together and she hadn't mentioned it at all! So I asked her about this and tried to keep the conversation friendly, but I did say that I've always been honest with her and would never have messed her around. She claimed that he was just a friend and that she's not sure why he did that and would need to talk to him about it. This seemed odd as my understanding is that the post would only show up if she had confirmed that they were in a relationship. She had removed the post from her page and probably didn't imagine I would see it on the guy's side as I don't know him. She also said that she'd only met him a week ago but I found a Facebook post where she and him had been chatting 8 weeks ago so I asked her about this. She then got very angry with me and said that I had thrown what she had said back at her and that I was a narcissist, and that she hadn't messed me around. Soon afterwards the guy who she seems to be in a relationship with blocked me so I can only assume that she told him what happened. Although I don't think it was unreasonable of me to ask her about that, I apologised the next day as I wanted to keep the friendship going but she said that it's a sign of a narcissist to do something and then apologise the next day. She has now blocked me which is very upsetting as I considered her to be a good friend and also it's awkward as we have several mutual friends and I don't know what to say to them if they ask about her or what she might say to them about me. I'm wondering whether or not it would be a good idea to make contact her at some point on another channel to try to make things ok. I'm struggling to sleep and can't stop thinking about her.