Sugar-Rush

I’m not the type of girl they love

That type of girls not me!

I’m not tall or slim or blonde

I’m not short or cute or quirky

My legs don’t go all the way up

My tummies not flat

I have fat stubby fingers

I don’t speak French or Italian

I don’t have great big doe eyes

I don’t have a feminine walk or voice

I’m not graceful or elegant

I don’t have high cheekbones

My bum is not pert

My boobs are not perky

I look awful in the morning,

I have bad morning breath too

If I don’t wax I get hairs on my tummy my face and my toes

Sometimes when I have a cold I snore

I get emotional and cry some times

I get stressed over stupid things from time to time

I don’t understand history, politics or science

I’m not a virgin and I’m not a * * * * either

I can’t walk for miles in heels

I don’t look good in tight jeans

They don’t make bikinis in my size

I’m 5 foot 4, with long dark hair

A waist the size of a tree

My legs are short, my bum is big

Why can’t they get there’s more to me

I’m not complete without you both

Yet that could never be

I love you both so much

But do either of you really want me?

I tie myself in knots,

Hating the way I’m forced to feel

I often I dream it’s not happening

Wake up and pray it’s not real

In many ways you’re so different

In some ways you’re the same

All I want is to be loved

Not to play this sickening game

I thought life would be simple

When you gave me that gold band

Then he walked back in my life

Setting questions to everything we had planned

Now the plans that we had carved

Seems so insecure

Do I want you one or both?

I can’t decide anymore

If on my own I’m not complete

And with you both I can’t be

Maybe I should walk away

Learn to set myself free

Nothing that I’ve ever said,

Was a lie to you

I didn’t know this was coming

That I’d feel the way I do

They say you can only love one man

How I wish that to be true

I love you both so completely

My heart is sworn to you

To have my cake and eat it,

That’s a thing I’d never do

I’m not that type of person

I wouldn’t do that to either of you

So here and now the question lies

To go or should I stay

Will a weight be lifted?

Or will I regret it everyday?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's a work in progress, i particularly don't like the highlighted line,

let me know what you think,

Sugar xxx

This is really touching but i'm sorry she did that to you, be strong xxx

This is so lovely, thankyou xxx

I wrote this for my better half

Valentines Fairy Tale

yes i did, fixed now x

It's my grandads funeral tomorrow nearly a year after my dads

I wrote this today to read out in the service do you think its okay?

I believed in always

never saying goodbye

I believed in forever

We'd never die

I believed it happened

Just not to us

I just saw them crying

Making a fuss

Now life has changed

It's easy to see

Things can never be the same

for you or me

Times a healer

people keep saying

Yet for that day

I'm still praying

Gods own plan

or so i'm told

he takes them away

out of our hold

Now they're protected

In everlasting bliss

no pain for them

for the people we miss

The angels that surround us

so easy to see

they're not strangers or saints

There my family

When I think of Smiling I think of you

When I think of Laughing I think of you

When I think of Dancing I think of you

You have the world at your feet,

Wings on your Heels,

Hope in your Heart.

Only you can make those prayers come true

Only you can prove them wrong

Only you can be the gurl of your dreams

Don't give up, Take a deep breath

Hold the arm of a fallen Angel

Walk into your sunny future

Be Her, Be you

xxxx Love you baby sis xxxx

My Ex was really into being dominated by me big time. I was never really into it but i never minded doing it if that makes sense. He liked to be hurt...not like super violent....he liked to me to scratch and bite lightly...also being whipped and spanked.

I think the main turn on with the dominace is that he spends all his day being in control and responsible and occasionally he likes to reverus the roles and become completely submissive.

As Joe said the main thing is confidence....just boss him around big time, make sure he's enjoying it too tho....also its important to agree a saftey word...just incase it gets too heavy.

Hope thats not too graphic...

Sugar xxx

Hey Fans,

It's Christmas 5 hours here in the UK, My boyfriend bought me the gorgeous new rock boots i've been wanting for years, i'm pretty sure my sister bought me the designer make up i'm too poor to afford myself.

I posted all my cards out, wrapped and delivered all my presents, put up the tree and turned on the sprakling lights, that reflect the pretty tree tinsel all around the room, lighting up the presents underneath, with the fire turned on and the frosted window, my lounge honestly looks like a greetings card.

Yet i fear that when i come down the stairs in the morning, my eyes will bypass the presents, my nose with ignore the smell of bacon from the kitchen and my heart won't be warmed by the glowing fire.

The huge daddy shaped void under the Christmas tree will break my heart truly completely.

It's four months today daddy since you grew your wings and became an angel. It's strange how little has changed here, your cars gone now, mummy couldn't bear to see it in the drive any longer, but your clothes still hang untouched in your wardrobe, the final cigarettes you smoked, sat in your ashtray. Your smell still fills your "Den/office". I'm sat here right now, typing this message to complete strangers using your computer, my fingers tapping on the keyborad just as yours did the night before you went to heaven.

I know your not far away daddy, i can feel you close by as i sit here alone, but never alone anymore because you're with me. I wish i could be hugged by you, safe in your big bear arms, warm and protected from the world.

I want to tell you i love you daddy, you were my protector and provider, my inspiration, my friend.

I will look after mummy and moo, i'll try as hard as i can to give them everything you would have done daddy.

Merry Christmas xxxxx

I know my post is random, but i needed to write and i hope you don't mind, Please cherish your loved ones, hold them tight and thank god for them.

Sugar xxxx

Hey sorry for the late reply Jen but yes, i sell to loads of 5o's+ women, that said our main customer base are 28-35.

Sugar xxx

I work for the UK's largest sex toy company. I sell lots of "toys" to lots of women, single or in relationships or married, straight or gay. Women from 18-101.

In my experience it has abosolutely no indiciation of the guys ability in the bedroom or ability to satisfy his gal. I own lots of toys personally and my boyfriend is great in bed. I would never chose a toy over him.

As a generalisation most men masterbate, well so do women, its just easier to use toys. Nothing compares to sex with someone you love. You don't get conversation, lust, foreplay and cuddling and closeness with a toy. Just like a guy with his hand.

xxxxx

Thanks for the comments, regarding the cooking and cleaning bit, its not a femmist issue, i love cooking and i clean when i'm stressed, i always make sure he does his bit too.

It’s not that I don’t want to explain it to you,

It’s just that I can’t

It’s not that I don’t want to wake up next you, everyday

Just my fear I shan’t

It’s not that cooking and cleaning for you would be a chore

I just don’t want you to know I’m really a ...

It’s not that I don’t want to change

It’s just been so long I don’t think I can

I’m dying inside wanting you

Just to be my only man

They don’t seem to understand how addictive it can be

I just really don’t blame them for judging me

I’ve hurt so many people,

Just broken so many hearts

It’s hard for me to understand why you

Just want me, when I’m the queen of Tarts

I don’t get a rush from lying, even though it seems that way

Just one time, I want to be faithful, it’s getting harder everyday

You know I want to live with you and be there in ever way

Just you and me forever

No risk that I would stray?

I wrote this a very long time ago, when i was in a bad place, ...well not a bad place as such just a very insecure one, i hate this poem, not only its content but it just feels all wrong to me, i personally think it's rubbish. I would love your opinion please, don't worry about offending me.

Sugar xxx

Convinced you love her more.

You are to me,

Everything I ever wanted anyone to be

You are what I want now,

What I wanted then and what I'll want forever more

You are a good person,

Hiding in a deep dark persons shell

You are exciting,

You make my heart skip and butterflies rush inside

You to me,

Are more than anyone before

To you,

She is more, more than me, more than us

Why?

That was beautiful, really touching, if it comes from the heart, it's most effective xxx

never got the foot thing, but i find it fascinating

do sexy shoes do it for you too? (aimed at feet guys and gals)

I am bisexual, and i definitely go for legs everytime, my boyfriend is all about the boobs through

Sugs xxx

Your best friend should never have betrayed your trust like that, but are you really ready to throw the towel in on the friendship, maybe talk to her, ask her why and tell her how hurt you are.

Sugs

xxx

Thank you coollady, my thoughts are with you too xxx

My daddy passed away in August and it's his birthday on Saturday, i wrote this for him.

What you are to us.

To my Daddy,

Since that fateful day,

the day the angels took you away,

The clock hands stopped turning

The fire stopped burning

It seems we're just learning,

what you are to us

On the day you learnt of you fate,

You made a list, no time to wait

You ticked them off one by one

In 15 months they were all done

Still we're learning

what you are to us

You stood tall made us unite,

You never gave in, you won the fight

You protected us, arms open wide

The strenght you bore gave me such pride

yet we're just learning

what you are to us

You watched the sunrise from your bed

Your angel of mercy around your head

You told us of heaven in your very own way

Then so peaceful so calmly you lay

We're still learning

what you are to us

Though all is not lost, without you near

with your ambition, your passion, your lack of fear

Together again one day we'll be

Until that day you'll watch over me

I know

what you are to us

Not a day goes by when i don't see your face,

A joke a smile so full of grace

Now i know you're not far away

I feel you with me Through-out the day

So much

You are to us

Sleep tightly now daddy, your work here is done,

The love that you showed us will never be gone,

In memories of you, Spirts run high

So God bless you daddy, but never goodbye

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I wrote this for the three men who made me, well me and for the one man who loves me for it:

You were my first love,

I gave you my innocence,

My heart, my soul, my dreams,

My secrets, my body, my mind,

My childhood, my womanhood, my trust.

You let me find out from her, at my birthday party, that what I'd given you wasn't enough, she tempted you with her high tide, and you jumped in.

You were my first dream,

You were everything I had dreamt of for an eternity,

You were the most beautiful boy in the world,

You had the blondest hair and the bluest eyes,

You were dangerous but you made me safe,

You drove so fast, but you loved me so slow,

You made time stand still for us.

You left me for him, why was I the last to know? Why did I believe you could be so perfect, you'll never know how much I cried for you.

You were so innocent and so alone,

So sweet, so open so true,

Slowly I gave myself to you.

Being burnt it the past only made me want you more,

You were the source of knowledge I craved,

You were the answers to my continual questions.

You blew life back into my deflated heart,

You showed me a new way of being me.

You hit over and over again, you broke my ribs my nose my arms my fingers and my toes, I kept coming back for more, you were addictive, you were dark inside, like me, I loved you most.

And now you,

You don't belong on this list,

You are not perfect,

You don't make me promises of everlasting love,

You don't offer me the world tied in ribbon,

You don't embellish everything with diamonds,

You are not the man of my dreams,

You weren't the man I fantasised about as a child,

The day we met I didn't go weak at the knees,

Our first kiss was not a foot-popping experience.

You, you are my future, you're real, you make me real, you complete me, you know me, thank you.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am on the larger side, i am not hugely fat, but deffinately on the bigger side of curvy, however i excersize regularly and eat well...i have the odd take away now and then but i feel my diet is quite healthy. I have never had any trouble finding a boyfriend, infact they find me.

I am atractted generally to tall muscular men, but i would have no quams about dating someone who wasn't if i liked him as a person.

To me size isn't an issue, looks do matter you have to find someone attractive to you yes, but eyeone is different and everyone has there own positives.

Sugar xxx

I decided to talk to him about it tonight as he popped round to get the car from mine. I told him exactly how i feel. He listened and hugged me and said he was really sorry if he had done anything to make me feel insecure. He admitted before we started dating he wasn't over his ex but as soon as we got together he decided it was me and hasn't thought about her like that, she was his first love yes, but she's his past and not relivant to his future.

He said he can't stop being polite to her ( i don't want him to at all so thats fine) and he says he won't bring her up ( not that he ever has apart from once when we were discussing friends who had travelled abroad)

I feel so much better now we talked it over and i know i was just being silly. But thanks guys xx