Bothered2021

I feel like you said you talked about this with him several times, BUT how did you talk? Passive aggressive comments? Or did you make him fully understand this is a deal breaker? you have dealt with his shortcomings and you can do so forever I suppose. But most likely you will get sick of it and love won’t be enough to stick with him. I don’t think he’s a lost cause if you make your stance clear and find a way to establish boundaries. You can’t make him grow or change but you can encourage it.

He’s not worth it. He decided she was “cool”? Yeah so cool she sent random weird, Sexual things to a guy with a girlfriend. And obviously she knew about you since she messaged you too. Seems like a super cool girl and he’s an excellent judge of character 👍🏻 He allowed her to disrespect you and then he turned around and disrespected you too while hanging out with her. Not the kind of guy you should waste your time on. It’s been a month, count your blessings and block anything associated with him.

Ok, so get your own ice cream as everyone said multiple times. Also something your boyfriend could have said before letting it stew for whatever reason. There has to be something more to this. The ice cream thing was just the catalyst for him to vent how he’s been feeling

Idk, it really seems like it is him. From the times the person texts to the things they say. Especially if it’s things only he could know. How would this person get your number and know your past and even know about your relationship now? Even crazier is they found a way to contact your family. Who would have their info as well? Him. Motive? I can’t figure that out. Like you said, maybe to get you to leave. Maybe he likes messing with people for whatever sick reasons. Maybe it’s some kind of test to see if you will stick around. Idk. But his lack of interest in figuring it out makes him very suspicious. I even think he sent prostitutes to your house to throw you off. You would never think he would take it that far.

Not working isn’t an option, unless you’re an heir to a massive fortune. You can love him all you want but that won’t make up for struggling the rest of your life with someone who contributes nothing. I would express to him that he needs to talk, listen and make a plan to secure a job or it’s over.

I don’t think you are wrong for how you feel about the situation. I do think it makes 0 sense to be in a “secret” relationship

I wouldn’t go to the authorities either. I know that what he did was repulsive and scummy. But I don’t think in his twisted mind he thought what he was doing was going to hurt you. He assumed his little gang of buddies would be impressed with him and he could have an inflated ego. He’s disgusting but I don’t think what he did was full of malice or any desire to ruin your reputation. What also confirms his ***ty character is telling his mother you thought he was seeing someone else. He took no responsibility for the break up and instead made it look like you were the reason for it. I’m glad you are done with him. He’s untrustworthy and at 51, it’s probably too late for him to ever grow up

I get that. I mean I just don’t get his thought process. No matter what, you don’t do that to someone you claim to value. Idk

His word is worthless. He proved he’s a liar and a manipulator

Cute. Classic maneuver. You don’t trust him so he does something untrustworthy? Doesn’t make sense. He did it because he is sneaky and a liar. Newsflash to him, now you trust him less. Smh. Then he tries the whole I wasn’t sure if I saw a future with you? Should have said, nah you don’t, bye. You are still finding evidence of his sneaky behavior and he’s really laying on the guilt trip. He wants you to fully trust him after being untrustworthy and continuing to do so. That’s a NO. He doesn’t deserve your trust and you’re just going to end up hurt and miserable constantly suspecting him of lying and finding trace evidence. I can’t stand the manipulation tactics people use. Do things wrong and make the person you are betraying look like the one with an issue. Sick

***?! I don’t understand why he would want his friends to see him or you naked. First he violated your privacy and ultimately shows you can’t trust him. Gross. But why would he want his friends to see him have sex and why would they want to see it? Yeah people love porn. Totally normal. Porn starring your friends, kinda weird….

Lots of things to address. I don’t think after 7 years of dating and 4 years of living together you are “just a tenant.” I do think it is weird that he didn’t consult you about buying the house and doing it together. And also not making it clear that it is your house too. Why have you been dating for all this time if he wanted to do everything alone? I would certainly bring that up. It sucks being in a relationship but feeling like a roommate. It’s not petty to say “hey I would like to have some say in the home decor if this is our home and we are building a life together”. I guess you will find out where he really stands when he responds. I also have trust issues and I know that I wouldn’t be able to have a functioning relationship or even anxiety free day if my significant other had the type of job and come in whenever you like mentality yours does. Figure out if he is willing to work on communication and letting you know when he will be out until the early morning. You’re not his mom but he does owe you respect and simply letting you know where he is and what time he plans to come home shouldn’t be a big deal. And when you have these issues coupled with feeling distant all of a sudden it’s going to play on those insecurities. I guess you have to figure out what you want in this relationship and what You are willing to live with

Weird that she saw one attractive guy at a wedding you were her date to. And you had a fight and suddenly she wants to break up and pursue this guy? It’s not even like she had been spending time with him and grew feelings by the sound of your post. So if a handsome face is all it took for her to do this, it seems like you’re better off. There are so many attractive people in the world but we don’t throw our relationships aside to have a chance with them all. Clearly she has been thinking about ending it and that guy was a “reason” for her to do so. I know you feel awful. What she did and how she did it is awful. You don’t need a person like that.