I met my husband in Dec. of 93. He has always been a drinker. The only time he has ever gone without a drink has been when he is deployed. The first time he became violent was before we were married. He destroyed the trailor we lived in and tried to flush the cat down the toliet. He convinced me that this was not normal for him so I forgave him. Shortly after we were married he was tranferred to Germany. Within two months of arriving at the base I began working. We were in serious credit card debt. All of the cards were in his name. Any applications that came to me were torn up. Most of the debt was over stupid things like beer, liquor, cigarettes. One card became six. There were some items that were kinda of justified. He wanted to see his family before he left to go to Germany and they were spread out over 7 different states. My first job lasted for six months and I went to a higher paying job. There were some racial difference between the caucasions and the black people. It became to threatening an environment to work in so I quit. Three months later I found another job (jobs are not that easy to find at a small military base overseas). I was constantly touched by male co-workers. I watched another female file a complaint who was fired and blackballed. My husband refused to let me get involved. He didn't want me to lose my job. There came a point where I couldn't take it anymore so I switched jobs once again. This job lasted 5 months. In the 3 rd month I started working a 2 nd job. Later I chose the second job and worked there until we moved stateside. Things were bad when I was working but worse when I wasn't. Constantly I was belittled, once I was choked, my face was slapped, a computer, Tv, and stereo was destroyed, I was physically thrown out of the house with our neighbors watching who called the MP's. By this time I thought I was dirt. I had lost all self confidence. I tried to commit suicide twice. Then we went back to the states. His drinking continued. I found out about a program where I could go to college for free. All of my costs were covered. I jumped at the chance. He decided he wanted to get out of the branch he was in and join the Air Force. I called recruiters and they told me (I didn't reveal his name) because he had 2 DUI's that there was no way he could enter the Air Force. I told him this and he didn't believe me because his brother was in that branch and told him that he could get him in. He wanted me to stay there while he moved in with his brother. To support myself I quit with one class to go. I ended up getting a low paying job to support myself and my daughter. He came for visits. I didn't know it at the time but he financing everything with credit cards again. He was collecting unemployment but charging everything on a credit card. After 5 months it was decided that my daughter and I would move to his brother's house with him. After I had already rented a truck for the move and given notice to everyone he changed his mind. He wanted to take all of our possesions to his brother's state but wanted us to move back to where my brother lived. I knew there was no way my brother would have any part of that. He is not exactly the caring brother. I didn't know what to do so I drove to where his brother's house was and stayed at a motel. By this time I only had $500 in the bank. After he found out I was there he decided to make me wait another 4 days before he said that I could move in with him. Life with his brother's family was terrible. Everytime I left the house I had to tell them where I was going and when I would be back. They wanted my daughter to become a housekeeper for them. I made the decision to send her to her father's house. While she was there, she decided that she couldn't live life with us anymore. I can't say that I blame her. Even my husband was getting fed up with living at his brother's house. I saved up the money and moved us into an apartment. It wasn't much because it was all I could afford. He had quit his job and devoted all his time to drinking. He ended up getting 3 jobs in one year and he never lasted more than a couple of months at them. I was paying all the bills and I was only making $8 an hour. Every night when I would come home all I would hear is that I never helped him. I was not a partner in the marriage. I had been hearing this for years. I'm not making excuses. I wasn't equipped to handle the things that happened in Germany. They were beyond me. At this time he reentered the service and it was decided that I would stay in the states and he would serve an overseas tour without me. I have to admit I was kinda of relieved. I had held the same job for a year now. I loved it because I was needed and respected there. To me it was wonderful. I know it sounds crazy, but I still loved my husband and had been searching for the man I first met. The gentle caring man. He would always come out during deployments when he was gone. Then he asked me to go overseas with him. He told me that this time things would be different. All he wanted was for me to work and be his partner. I felt in a way like I owed him, so I agreed. When he arrived in Germany he bought a cell phone and called me all the time. I had to ask him not to call me so much at work. Then he began to expect me to call him all of the time. It was starting to take every cent I had in the bank to call him like he expected. I told him this and he just shrugged it off. If I didn't call it was because I was having an affair with my boss or I didn't love him anymore. Most of the conversations he can't even remember because he was drunk. When I arrived in Germany everything was fine at first. At the airport I mailed the payments off for his credit cards. He called and not a single payment had made it yet. He accused me of not making the payments, so he made them over the phone. The payments did arrive and to this day I don't know why they were late, but it was my fault. Shortly after my arrival his unit began training for a deployment. It was left to me to be there (just as it was in the states only in the reverse order) when our house hold goods were to be delivered which came in two different shipments and to pick up the truck. I also had to clean the house to make it livable. I had to also inprocess myself and get my driver's license. After the local nationals found out where he was going some trouble started because he was army and we were Americans. Our neighbors had family in the area he was sent to. He made the mistake of telling them where he was going. I had to find another place to live. It was so bad that they were leaving death threats in our mail box and throwing rocks at our house. So still with no job, I moved us into an apartment. Two weeks after moving in I started having chest pains. I called an ambulance and they took me to the hospital. I was told that I had an ulcer and that there were several erosions inside my stomach that needed to heal. This was in October. They also found a nodule on thyroid gland. The doctor was concerned that it might be cancer. He came back in December. At first everything was alright. He was even concerned about my health. Then it started over again. He is no longer physically abusive but the verbal is just as bad. All I hear is how I made an agreement with him. I found out a month ago I don't have cancer but I do have Hashimoto's disease which has left me with a lot of symptoms. My doctor is also concerned with the nodule growing and wants me to come back in August to see if it has grown before she puts me on medicine. She doesn't want me on meds if they are just going to remove my thyroid gland. I wanted to start looking for a job but he felt that I should wait. Recently he took leave and started drinking heavy again. He was watching a video by Cinderella (a rock group) for about six hours staight drinking. He had it as loud as the TV would go and I asked him if he would turn it down. He started cussing about how this happens all of the time. Then he left. I was concerned after an hour and decided to look for him. He has a habit of passing out on the side of the road and I was afraid the MP's would find him. I didn't find him so I came back to wait for him. For three days I was really upset with him, mainly because it was all my fault and I was too stupid to see it, so I kept away from him. On the third night his family called to tell him that his step-father had died. Then he kept throwing up how he didn't have the money to go to the funeral and it was my fault and that by now he should have 6 digits in the bank and if I had worked and been a partner then we would be prepared for this. On and on this lasted until he passed out. His sister didn't want to send a redcross message because she was afraid he would blow up there. He had cut up the credit cards and had told me before he passed out that if he hadn't have had to cut them up he would be on a flight in the morning. I pieced them together and got the information I needed to book him a flight, packed him a suitcase, and arranged everything with his company for him. When he woke up he saw the tickets that I had printed and the suitcase and blew up. He broke the fan, hit a few things, and then cussed me several times telling me I had no right to do this. Thinking back I know he was right, I just wanted to help. I know what it was like when my mother died. Things settled down for a bit. Then on his last night he told me he was going to start doing things and he didn't want me with him to f.... things up. I could stay at home and he was going to have a life. He is in the states right now and I'm trying to figure things out. I know that I need to get a job, but I also know as soon as I start making money he is going to want it to pay on the credit cards. I don't know how to get the money I need to build another life. I do know that I need to leave him, but I don't know how to do it. I can't see myself leaving him, but I can't see myself growing old with him. I'm on a base where I only know one person and she is in the states with her husband on leave. I don't have anyone who is close enough to confide in. On a small base rumors fly and I don't want people involved. Basically, I'm writing this to get it off my chest. I figured this would be easier than popping some pills and messing up again.
