ssimons77

Well I agree with you hockeyboy...I shouldn't stay in an abusive relationship because it isn't healthy for me and I'm not happy. And I'm not falling for anything with my ex-bf actually. He doesn't want to be the other man or anything like that. He just wants to work on our friendship because he doesn't want to be responsible for breaking up a marriage and I don't blame him...that's not what he's doing. I know it's easy to give in when you're emotionally distraught and are not getting the attention or love you deserve, but I recognize the problem here and just need to find my next steps. Thanks again for all of the advice. It's good to hear both sides of the coin.

Thank you for your words of advice. I know I need to work on me first and yes I am going to counseling. My husband doesn't believe he's part of the problem so he will not go with me...this is where my dilemma lies. I know I cannot replace my abusive marriage with the new relationship I have with my ex, but I know I'd be happier either with him or alone but I cannot be happy with ANYONE until I'm happy with myself and I'm working on that. I will eventually follow my heart I am sure...it's just getting to that point that is the scary part.

Just so you all know as well...we have not done anything that would corrupt my marriage vows as in a physical or sexual relationship...that is actually the furthest from my mind at this point. I just want to figure out what I need to do...

Ok well here goes nothing...about 2 weeks ago, my ex-boyfriend from 11 years ago called my parents for my phone number. He knows I'm married and he wanted to rekindle our friendship. That's fine...except for the fact that I am in love with him and always have been. I don't feel that I married my soulmate, but more married out of comfort and convinience than love. My ex and I since he called, have gotten together and hung out and went to dinner etc. and it feels so natural like we never were apart. His family loves me and we just have a lot of fun. I have been married for almost 5 years, with him for almost 9 years and I am so confused and lost right now. My marriage at this point has been abusive, and I told my ex that I don't want him to be my "out" or my excuse for leaving...it just happened that he has impeccible timing for coming back into my life. Being with the man I've been with for 9 years, I don't even feel as close to as I do my ex and it is driving me nuts. I don't know what to do because I truly do love him with my entire heart and always will. I have told him exactly how I feel, and he feels the same but is confused and nervous and scared because he doesn't want to be the "other man" and he doesn't want to be the reason I leave my husband...he also won't clarify exactly how he feels or what he thinks would happen if I did leave my husband because he doesn't want to cloud my thinking which at this point is already clouded. I guess I don't know what my question really is other than I don't know what to do anymore or where to go and I'm scared. Has anyone else had a similar situation?