lost....

Hi, Thank you all for your replies. I'm so glad to hear that I wasn't the only one to go through this. I would like to thank you each individually. And personally to Tabytha, since your situation sounds similar to mine, I would like to say that you should be proud of who you are and the way that you turned out to be. I know that everyone's life is tough, but just the thought that I can come here and find support is enough for me to know that I can't give up. What I realized from last night is that it's okay for life to not be normal. It's okay to have some kind of dysfuction, because reality, no one lives a perfect life. But, once again, thanks for listening and thank you all for your advice. I wish you all the best.

Hi, I can't let go of this thought. When I was a kid, my mom tried to kill me once. She set our car on fire while I was in the backseat sleeping. Child services took me away for a whole year while my mother was in prison for her trial. Now, I'm an adult who is still finishing school. I can't help not crying. About a year ago I posted under a different screen name, just for privacy reasons. To make a long story short, my mother is back in my life. I stay with her because I need the fiancial support, and I think she's financially supporting me because she feels guilty for what she did. Our relationship's never been stable. She was always cold and distant to me as a child. After my father died, she became more and more physically abusive torwards me. As an adult, I have a hard time coping with things sometimes, because of the verbal abuse she put me through. Not only that, when I complained about her bf abusing me as a child, she told me, "Please understand me. I need to stay with him." Well, what I went through severely affected who I am as an adult. I feel as though no one will understand me. Not only that, I still have scars of going through sexual molestation as a child. When I told my mom about what happened, instead of being sympathetic with me, she told me that I deserved it because I wanted to be molested. But I was only a child for goodness sakes! Not even a teen! I'm so pissed at the court for letting her go. Sometimes, I wish they would've just sent her to prison. It still hurts just thinking about all of the trauma I went through. Now, I'm much older, and the abuse continues. I don't know what to do. I am by no means, financially stable enough to move out. I'm saving up some money, but don't know if I could afford to move out. If I move out, then I will be perpetually broke and will never be able to finish school. Living expenses from where I live is high. I don't know what to do to survive. As of this point, I really don't know what to do. Please tell me what I can do. I feel hopeless. Thanks for listening.