little_lady00

Thanks again all for your comments... VERY HELPFUL!!!! Just when I thought I was done crying ... the tears come back... but I am doing ok. Well we did go to counseling on Friday... this brought out alot of tears and pain for him and somethings in his childhood. Since this was a new session not much was accomplished. He did admit that the porn he looks at on the net is an addition and that he will stop. he constantly says, I am not worthy of her, I don't want her to forgive me.... that was on Friday. Well last night I constantly asked him if there was more. He kept saying no. I said... yes it is... i can tell when you are lying. THEN He said that he talked to another chick he met on line on the phone few times. But that he never met up with her. That hurt so bad... Hearing all these things it's so devastating. He has turned my world upside down and made me want to leave him. He sometimes say that he doesn't know if he wants to be married or not. But it's not that he wants another woman... he says it just something inside nagging at him. He says if we broke up he wouldn't be with another woman... whatever... He has tried to turn this around on me and make me feel that I am not doing what I need to do in bed and that's why he cheated. I am sorry, but I refuse to take the blame for ANY PART OF THIS!! He just doesn't get it. He says he's wrong, but i don't think he believes it. Now I am just thinking and praying should I be with this man? He promised that there were no more lies. How can I trust him again?? How can i love him again? I know people go through this but I don't see how it can be like it was... ever... We are supposed to go to another session this week. But I don't think we will cause he has to work all week. more later...

Thanks for the messages everyone... they have really helped me deal with this as i go on... Its nice to see other points of view. We talked last night. I had to force him to talk. Now he is saying that I'll never trust him again, that I will never respect him, etc. So why should he try to make it work. He says I have hurt you so bad that you could never recover.... In my heart i feel I can forgive him after sleeping on it and talking with him. I have NOT told him this. I asked him repeatedly if there was anything else that he had not told me. His answer was no. But i feel in my heart he is lying. Cause i don't think he could bear hurting me again. He even said, "i shouldn't have told you and you wouldn't be hurting now"... Today he is supposed to be looking for a counselor for us to talk to. I want to work this out. I really do. But i am sooooo scarred. And sooo injured right now. I feel so weak, small, unloved, undesirable... [/b]

My husband broke down and confessed to cheating on me last night. About 4 months ago he went out of town to a football game. And I was out of town too. Aparently he met some chick on paltalk and they met up and she gave him oral sex. This is what he told me. He constantly told me that he could have taken this to the grave blah blah blah... that i would never have found out. (like he deserves a metal). Now he is constantly asking what do i want to do.. do i want a divorce? do i want to leave him? i don't have that answer yet. I am hoping to get it soon. I know that i can't trust him now. I have had the feeling that something was going on. He is really secretive with HIS laptop. A few months ago I found out that he had a secret cell phone, he claimed it was for work. And then I found out that he had a secret e-mail account that he claimed he was using for work. But there were several emails from women. He claimed he didn't have relationships with these women but that he was faking it trying to build his case against them for his work. He is in law enforcement. I bet some of you already thing i should have seen the signs. Maybe i should have. but i was hoping the signs were wrong. and that my man would never cheat on me. Well i really don't think that the blow job this chick gave him was his only infidelity. I think he is holding out more info. I want to know everything. There may be some other things that he is holding till his grave... Most of all i am just hurt. I feel so alone and so vulnerable. I thought we had a good relationship. I thought i was happy. I thought he was too. But apparently not. I just don't know if I can forgive him and continue to love and live with him. I am sleeping in the guest room and haven't said more than 2 words to him over the past day. I spent the day holding back tears at work and trying to make it through the day.... i would do anything to get this hurt to go away...