We were together for 10 years. On the day that I proposed to her she told me she can not live with me anymore and wanted to separate. Two weeks later she told me there was someone else. It has been 5 months, I cannot eat, sleep or go to work. I loved her so much and she betrayed me. I read some of the posts and I know I did everything wrong during out break up. I just couldn't help it. I love her so much and I felt the need to tell her. I truly feel she completed my life as corny as this may sound. I am ready to throw away my career and my life, if I can only win her back. The pain is sometimes unbearable. We were so close. We were each other's firsts and lived together for 8 years. She told me we got together too soon. She needed to explore! She called me about a month ago. I don't know why. She just stood silent there while I was reassuring her once again of my feelings. She changed her phone number and hasn't called me since. My friends tell me to forget about her and that she does not deserve me after everything she put me through but is not that easy. I wish it was!
I asked her about the new guy. She did not tell me much. I found out later from the phone log (her cell is on my bill) that they had a relationship two months before we broke up. She told me that she loved me, but she is not in love with me. What does that mean? Do you always have to feel like the first time? I find this hard to believe, that the feeling you have for someone new will last such a long time. Maybe it's the routine in our relationship that drove her away and she longed for something new. I don't know! I am searching for the answers in myself. In the way I look or maybe in the way I treated her sometimes. Our relationship was not perfect. We had our quarrels and hard moments. Who doesn't? I am blaming myself for everything and I wish I could tell her how truly sorry I am.
I know what you are going to say, that I need to learn from this and move on, but I can't. I cannot accept the fact that I had something so beautiful in my life and let my stupid ambitions destroy it. I put my school and career before her and now I am paying for it. I graduated and I found a good job, but I wanted her right here beside me. That's why I was pushing her so hard. She graduated also, but says she is comfortable just being a waitress. I know I was wrong for trying to change her. I should have accepted her for who she was and not for the person I was trying to create.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
