Thank you all for your valuable comments. I can't say 100% why I feel wrong about the relationship, I agree I have cold feet problems and have a tendency to see the grass as always greener, but there are things I've always had my doubts about. We used to fight A LOT and he is a very volatile person, and sometimes I'm not sure whether I want to be with someone with that kind of temper. I worry that he will be a strict and autoritarian parent. I also have developed a style of sort of being the one who always backs down because he is so moody and difficult. I've come to resent my position that way, but I find him intolerable to deal with otherwise. He's gotten a lot better, and we fight a lot less, which is good, but I have residual issues about his temper.
I'm not sure that I ever really felt that passionate towards him, maybe at the very beginning but I certainly haven't really felt into the relationship physically in a long, long time. Sometimes I feel like I just agree to sex to make sure he's happy and doesn't complain.
It's true, that true love is hard to find, but I've been in love before him and I remember how powerful it was and I don't think I've ever really felt that way for my current boyfriend.
I'm not so much afraid of things ending and being horrible, I used to be afraid of that but I've developed a great deal of trust for him and I believe he really loves me and is going to stand by me.
I agree I should get into counselling, I need someone with an objective stance to help me sort out whether this is fear of commitment or whether this is issues with my relationship in particular. Even if its just fear of commitment, part of me thinks I still need to date other people before I decide to give up on the single life. I've met a number of people in the past few years that I really would have liked to date, and I've even met people I felt something really special with but of course never pursued it and I feel sometimes like I'm young and this is the only time in my life I'm going to have to explore what's out there, and I've never had a chance to do that.
I worry that if I stay with him, and eventually we get married or move in together, I'll end up cheating because I'll have never gotten over my feelings of needing something else.
Anyway, my mom also really thinks I should see a counsellor. She married when she was 22 and was divorced 2 years later, because she married a guy in a similar situation to mine, where she knew it was wrong but she was too far gone to have the guts to get out - she felt obligated to see it through. After him she met my dad and that lasted 17 years, even though they got divorced later I think 17 years is a pretty successful relationship, and she got two great kinds out of it Anyway, the point is, I have internalized my mom's issues with committment a bit, and I definitely should speak to someone to get this sorted out.
My next question is, should I share this with him? That I'm having these doubts and these fears and I'm going to see someone about it? Because I can't tell him the counsellor will make it "all better" and guarantee our happiness, there is a chance I will find I have to take a break from this and be on my own. Part of it is I feel like being alone is something I've never had a chance to do, to explore me as a separate person. Anyway, so do you think I should tell him, if it might hurt him and make him anxious that I will leave him? I feel that may cause him undue stress. Maybe I can sugar coat it a little and just tell him I'm trying to deal with my committment issues? I mean, he knows I have issues, he is judgmental and difficult about it, understandably because I think he wants to move forward to some extent. What do you all think?
Thanks for replying, I've been going through hell and this helps.
