Satis

Hope people don't mind me dragging this back up, just wanted to say I'm doing a little better now (still a long way to go though), after what everybody said I had a long think to myself and asked what I really want , and act to make this happen so I swallowed my pride and asked people I know if I could go out with them on Christmas eve to which they answered yes this cheered me up and gave me hope that I'm not such a social outcast and people would hang-out with me. So I'm determined to continue this into the new year, make it a resolution as such. The one thorn in this plan is the girl, yes this is still getting me down a lot every time I try to build the courage to say something to her I think of some excuse to back out of it, this is the one side of me I really don't like I either need to ask her out or try to forget about her. :sigh: Anyway sorry for rambling on I helps me a lot to get my thoughts out in the open it really does take a weight of my mind.

Hi Misty at the moment I currently don't work I left my job of 3 years to travel for a bit, will be looking for a new job in the new year. My one big passion in life is movies, I like all genres and just love to lose myself in a good story although I do have a tendency to like more dramatic sad tales with Requiem for a Dream being a current favorite. Caldus thank you, I try not to let it get me to down but its hard sometimes especially with my inexperience in this area. I see that you are in Charlotte North Carolina I had a stop off there on my way back to the UK from my travels. rvr350 unfortunately when I do call her to go out somewhere I always make it seem like it is just as friends, I think it is because I'm less shy this way. Yes I do think its really unhealthy to keep this all bottled up one way or another I have to get closure.

Yes I have put considerable thought into telling her everything but I'm pretty much certain that the feelings are not reciprocated and also the situation is not that simple, as I said earlier we have talked a lot and she confided in me that she has feelings for one of our old work colleges and asked for some advice me being me I tried my best to help her out and give her some guidance (ironic huh) which was totally unbiased but inside it was killing me, in the end they did hook up but she has told me it was not right and she is trying to get over him. In reality I'm scared to tell her for 2 reasons one I don't think I could handle the embarrassment of rejection and secondly I don't want to ruin a friendship, which means a lot to me. Ultimately I know what to do but it's easier said than done.

Yes deep down I believe I do want a relationship with her.

Well somewhat typically my problems stem from a member of the opposite sex. In all honestly I've never really felt the need to have a partner I am independent person who likes time to myself but then I'm also very shy which makes it very hard to start conversations with people when I do want too. This all changed 2 years ago when some one new started at my work place initially I was my typical self don't really talk to her just got on with the work but because of the nature of the job (small retail store) we would often be on a shift together just the two of us so really I had to try and get over my shyness and try to make a pleasant working environment, so very gradually we started talking and to my surprise we got on very well and had a lot in common this went on for a year or so we talked a lot at work and I got to know her very well but we had never socialized out of work that is until she invited me to her 21st which was a pleasant surprise (especially as I didn't have much of a social life) after this every now and then we would go out to the cinema or a group of work people would go out to a club or bar it was a very happy time for me. Now as i said I've never been to bothered about having a girlfriend and I just saw her as a good friend which I was very happy with but then I started developing serious feelings for her although i refused to let myself accept this as I did not what it to get in the way of the friendship. We have both now left the job but still keep in contact although not as often as I would like, she never knew that I did not have many people I would call a friend and I tried hard to develop a strong friendship with her but as is the case with a male and female friendship other emotions got in the way. I would like to try and keep in regular contact with her just to hang out go for a drink, watch a film etc the problem being I don't want her to think I want anything more than friendship from her. Sorry this has probably turned out to be a bit of a anti-climax but I'm truly sad that I'm losing touch with a person who i could see as being a friend for life, one of very few chances that I have had. I hope that at least makes a bit of sense

I think the main reason for my sadness is the lack of someone I can be completely open with and have a close friendship, Although my parents are not far away physically, emotionally they are and it is very hard to talk to them about my problems, the only person I felt completely at ease with was my grandmother who sadly passed away some years ago Yeah there is more to my situation than I have let on, i plan on posting the whole thing soon it's just quite a long tale and with me not being that great a writer it will take me a little while to get something coherent down.

Thanks guys for the kind words its nice just to have someone wanting to talk to me and see how I am, it has cheered me up no end, I think its time I went to sleep now as it is gone 1am here in the UK but ill be sure to check in tomorrow. Goodnight everyone.

Throughout the last year I have come to realize that I am just so lonely with no one to talk to or confide in, for various reasons I have be very down and unhappy and the future just looks the same a never ending road of heartache and unhappiness. Anyway thanks for reading and it nice to see a place where people are so supportive and understanding of the problems people go through and if anyone out there is like me and just wants to make a friend or someone to talk to please drop me a email.