Hello all, I'm new to the forum. I've been reading many of the posts and I'm so happy to have found a place where people can express their feelings and get support.
I'm going through a hard time at the moment. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months about a month and a half ago. He was very full on at the beginning of the relationship inviting me on trips and telling me that he loved me after only a few weeks, talking about us being together forever. I felt it was too soon for this, because in my eyes you love someone truly over time after you get to know them. I told him that I didnt want to rush things. He said he understood. I also didnt want to have sex right away with him until I was sure. My sexual experience is VERY limited even though I'm 30. He obviously wanted to have sex, he is 5 years younger then me, but said he'd wait.
As I got to know him I did fall in love with him. He has many qualities that I like. He seemed very sensitive and kind. He said he has always made most of the effort in his previous relationships and has been cheated on in the past. I got the impression that he felt he was one of the nice guys that finishes last. To make a long story short I decided to sleep with him because I wanted to show him that he meant something. I told him that I loved him and we tried to have sex. It was painful and I had to stop. He didnt react as I thought he would. He was quite insensitive and said "You either make up your mind to do it or you don't!". I said sorry that I couldnt because it was painful. He pulled away and went to do his laundry for two hours, while I sat on his bed holding back my tears. I was hoping that he would sit with me and put his arm around me. He made us dinner, we ate in awkward silence and then I left without saying why. I regret that not saying why.
We broke up over the phone I iniciated it. He agreed. While I was in tears he didnt sound bothered the least and said he was happy that at least he had found a good "mate". That night I called him to ask him if had meant it when he said he loved me and why he had reacted the way he did when we tried to have sex. I told him how hurt I was. He apologized and his voice cracked. He sounded quite different from how he did earlier on in the day. We ended the conversation on a sad note but decided to stay friends.
Since then I made the efffort to text and call to see how he was doing. Why? Because I was secretly hoping to get back with him. I love him and I don't know why. I think about him every 5 mins. He never called me or text me. Until last week, he replied to my text, always calling me gorgeous as he did when we were together. He said to check my e-mail as he had something to tell me. In his mail he said he had met someone through his family but he still wanted to be friends. The mail was so formal and polite. Like an employment rejection letter. He mentioned that he didnt want to get back with me because he would have guilty if we slept together and spilt up anyway. Huh? I wrote back and declined his friendship. Mostly because I don't want to hear about him and someone else. It's so ironic, he's moved on and I'm in shreds. While I was the one who wanted to take it slow and be sure. I'm so hurt that he couldnt even call me to tell me he was already seeing someone else. He had to e-mail it. How could he move on so quickly? During the relationship he was the one talking about kids. houses and marriage. And I was like whoa there lets' not jump the gun. I feel horrible. I feel like it's all my fault.
