cath

I am going through your situation. It has been two years but I thought some of what I learned might help. Often in these situations you can only see the bad in your spouse. Your brain won't let you see the good because you are trying to justify leaving and the new relationship in your mind. Time, counseling, and an open mind can drastically alter feelings and discord in time. All you have to do is put your feelings on hold for a little while and then open your mind. My two little boys are 4 and 2 now. I have found research that, unless there is real physical abuse, children do better in intact families even when there is discord. Use whatever reason you need to open your mind towards reconciliation. Also, I have found many professionals who agree that the chance of success in a relationship with someone you found while married is almost never successful. Your brain can only see the good in your boyfriend right now (the same way you probably first saw your husband). It is important to take an honest look at good and bad qualities and to look at others as they really are. Accepting others as they really are (even if it is better than you think right now) is key. Marriage is a committment to stay together for better or worse. So many people throw this commitment away too easily and then end up getting divorced again. No one always feels the feeling of love for their spouse. Feelings can disappear for months or even years and then return full force. Feelings and emotions are just part of love and they can change for the better if you understand them and work on them. Feelings are like a puppy. They are wonderful if you lead them around and enjoy them. Try following a puppy anywhere he leads you and you will end up dead in the middle of the street! My sister, a friend, and I all went through separations after three years of marriage. I believe this is an important time when people either "grow up" in the marriage and eventually reach a deeper level of commitment and real abiding love (not just a feeling) or they throw away thier marriage and divorce. Often the divorced people realize that they probably could have salvaged their first marriage if they had made a directed effort. You are not hopeless. I assume you loved your husband at some point. You can love him again and even better. It would be ashame to find yourself in the same situation with your boyfriend in a few years (or months) when the "feelings" fade and the fighting begins. Your relationship with your boyfriend feels even more passionate because you are a united force against your husband. This is one of the many reasons these things don't last. I hope you will look towards home and soften your heart to the possibility of saving your family. There is beautiful hope for change and transformation in marriage. Your bad situation is just a wake up call that things need to change. Change how you view things and feel about things. Change how you both treat each other. A change to empower yourselves in your life and your marriage. You can have it all.