suzyq1225

I need someone to talk to me really really bad. thursday is my ex's birthday and for 11 years we spent that day together and always did something very special. Last year I maxed out a credit card and threw him a surprise party. He was sooo happy that night. Now we have NC at all for about 6 weeks. My therapist says i should not even send him a card. I am so sad, miserable and lonely and can't bear the thought of him spending his special day with a new woman. I am trying to get through all of this, but having a really rough time of it. Susan

sorry if i came off harsh, just kinda desperate for someone to talk to. intellectually i know the other woman is innocent, but somewhere in my soul its like she stole him away, irrational, but normal according to my doctor. sort of misplaced anger. i wrote to his sister because she and i were friends and she had always told me how grateful she was to me for taking care of her brother when she lived so far away. i guess i was looking for a little kindness and sympathy from her or some phrase that might give me hope that he would one day return. she chose instead to be cold and nasty which shocked me. i have very few people i can talk to. i invested all my time and energy in him and his office for all those years. i learned the hard way that i should have held on to my old friends. i just got all wrapped up in him. thank you all for your interest, good advice and kind words. susan

To answer your question, he has 4 grown children from his marriage. Two sons and two daughters. He has had not contact with either daughter for years now. He has a fairly decent relationship with his younger son but he lives far away. He is trying to work things out with his older son, but they simply are on different wave lengths. Apparently, when they got divorced all of his kids sided with mom and she was responsible for a bit of parent alienation so to speak. His sister lives far away too and felt that as long as I was taking care of him it was not necessary for her to come. If it had been my brother, I would have been on the first plane out. She is kind of weird and in fact when I wrote to her about my sadness over the breakup with her brother, she sent me a rather cold and nasty email saying things like, stop whining about him, he is gone, face it. There are people in his life that think he is a selfish man, its just that until he did this to me I never saw it. My biggest problem now is that I can't get angry at him, I am very angry at the woman he is now dating, but not at him. Only hurt, crying and sad........... Susan

I am so heartbroken over the loss of my guy and i found this forum by accident. I joined and poured out my whole story and only one person responded. His birthday is coming up and last year I maxed out a credit card and threw him a surprise party. This year I guess its not appropriate to even send him a card. I don't know how I will get through November 4th

Thanks for your response. In a few minutes I will need to leave to drive to my therapist. I see him every week. I am feeling especially bad this week; I think it might be because his Birthday is coming up on ll/4. Last year I maxed out a credit card to give him a great surprise party; guess he won't even remember that this year I actually forget what it feels like to be happy. I live on the verge of tears every day. I have had zero contact with him for about 6 weeks now. It all hurts so very very much. Susan

stumbled upon this board quite by accident while i was feeling extremely low. I was with my guy for 11 years. We were not married, nor did we live together. several years before we met, he had gone through an awful divorce and custody battle and told me he swore off marriage forever. I loved him so very much I accepted the way things were for 11 years. We lived together on the weekends, mostly at his place and I was happy. After a couple of years he asked me to manage his office, he is a doctor. I did and it was wonderful because I got to be with him each and every day. We were best friends as well as lovers. you all know there is always one person in your life you can talk to about ANYTHING - well he was that for me and ditto for him. He ran into some health problems along the way and I was the only person in his life that stayed by his side night and day. He has four grown children and not one came to see him even when he was in intensive care. He has one sib, a sister, and even she did not fly in to be with him. My God, the man could have died. I ran back and forth from the hospital to his office, I hired covering docs so that he would not have to worry about his business. I would have done anything for this man. 7 months ago on a normal week day in the office we had a little spat. please bear in mind that we really never had fights. we just didn't. all of a sudden he says, "that's it, its over". I was shocked and could not believe what i was hearing. well, he meant it, without warning he left me and he left me completely. I did all the usual dumb stuff, begging, crying, pleading for an explanation. he remained stoic. So I lost him, I lost my job, and i lost my very best friend in the whole world. The weekend before he did this was a fabulous weekend for us, we had so much fun and made love repeatedly and he told me how much he loved me. In fact, on the phone the night before he dumped me he told me he loved me. I had a nervous breakdown, lost 20 lbs. and am in therapy. Its been 7 months and any hope that he would come back is gone. I have lost the love of my life forever. We are not young, like many of you are, I am 56 and he is 58. I recently heard a rumor that he is dating someone new already that he met on the internet. How can he do that? and just wipe out 11 years of history. We adored each other, loved each other and had such wonderful times together. I would appreciate any comments on my situation, as sometimes i feel so terribly alone and scared. I still cry lots and when i look in the mirror i see a very sad look in my eyes that never goes away. Thanks all for putting up with this lengthy post. email removed