sj

Yes, thanks. Good for you. So you're assuming I'm distrustful and insecure. Okay. So what happened with these secure and trusting guys? If they called me all the time, every other night, and then didn't one night, I suppose I would wonder why. Your focus seems very one-sided to me. You seem to be leaving out the parts where I have stated that she calls me all the time, and likes having me there for her. She likes "checking in" if that's what you want to call it. But is it fair to have me there, but then resent me when I get concerned, or make me feel like I'm sort of being used when it's convenient, and all of a sudden I'm putting "pressure on her". As far as I'm concerned, it's not pressure to check in, it's just being cool and understanding of how it is on my end. The voice of reality can be presented in a gentle way, can't it? Also, I don't think the other's who have responded were not speaking the voice of reality. Their responses were perfectly valid. You may be giving yourself a little too much credit. Well we've worked it out, and she now understands where I was coming from. Again, it's not about her accounting for her time. I am usually very cool and understanding about her freedom to do what she wants. Let me just ask you, since you never really answered my question: Would it bother you at all if your boyfriend was hanging out in his hotel room with a friend and 2 girls, drinking beer, at 1:30 or 2:00 am? Or are you so secure in yourself, and so trusting in your boyfriend and these 2 girls that you don't even know, that you wouldn't even think twice about it. Your reaction would be "alright! great! didn't mean to interrupt or suffocate you, have fun!"

Scout-How come other people were able to post their opinions without saying things like "ugh". I don't mind hearing things if they are presented in an intelligent and thoughtful way. Your comments sounded childish and flip. And as far as the "require" thing goes, I never said I "require her to check in", like I'm her boss or something, I said I "ask" her to think about my position, and I "ask" her to be understanding, and I "ask" her to shoot me a call if she's going to be out real late. And she is free to do what she wants. But when someone calls you all the time, every day, of their own volition, and then all of sudden doesn't, you wonder, hmm, that's weird. Shoot me for being caring when my girlfriend is accross the country. The fact that you are manipulating what I'm saying into me be some kind of task master shows where you are coming from. And to take time out of your day to say things like"ugh", and in so many words insult me, well why would you do that? No one else did. That's why I have a problem with you. You could have simply answered my question. You could have said, "I wouldn't have a problem at all if my "boyfriend" were out, didn't call me, and was in his hotel with 2 girls and another guy drinking beer at 1:30 in the morning." I would have excepted your reply just fine.

Scout-I do not "require her to check in", and if you could read, you would see that she does have a problem...sometimes. She also is very lucky to have me here when she needs someone to talk to, she calls me all the time, and I am always here for her. Having said that, I am very lucky, not only to have her, but judging from your reply, to not have you, as you come off like a real jerk. I pity your boyfriend, if in fact you have one.

Thanks very much for the replies so far. I really appreciate it. Yes, the "double date" thing crossed my mind. 2 guys, 2 girls, beer, hotel room.... That's why I had to post this, because when I question the situation, she makes me feel as if I'm insane to even think anything. As if I'm truly nuts to feel at all bothered. So I think, 'really? is it me? would no one else be bothered by things like this? am I some sort of jealous lunatic?" She did cheat on me, a long while ago, and though we got over it, and I don't believe she would do it again, it's hard to completely put that out of my mind. And I don't know who these guys are, or what their intentions are, I have no idea. I just wish she would be more understanding as to how it is on my end. She may simply be trying to have a good time, and doesn't need me on her back or questioning her "or trying to keep her on a leash", but it's not exactly fun being at home, wondering and worrying or feeling jealous all the time. It's no fun at all.

My girlfriend has a job which takes her out of town a lot (half the year). On the job, she works during the day, and then often parties with the oither workers at night. Most of the time, this doesn't bother me. I ask though, that she at least call me to let me know she's alright (we've gotten in a number of fights over this, because I often am left worrying about her till very late in the morning because I have no idea where she is or what she's doing). Anyway, one night she was apparently going out for dinner with the entire crew. I figured she would be back to her hotel around 10:00pm (she usually has to get up early, and always complains about not getting enough sleep). At around 1:30am, I finally decided to call her. Turns out, the "dinner" was over at 9:00, and she and 2 guys and another girl were in her hotel room, having beer and pizza. Now this may have been innocent enough, but nevertheless, it bothered me. She doesn't understand why. I'm not sure I understand why. Should it not bother me?