Towny

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

- Do you ever find an interest in anything? Anything at all?

- Are you able to talk with anybody other than your girlfriend?

- Do you think it could be depression or maybe just a slump?

Sometimes people have different opinions of what is interesting and what is not, which can make it difficult to ever really feel "connected" with another person.

Speaking from experience, torsion occurs because of what is called "bell clapper" syndrome where the person is born without small "anchors" which hold the testis in place. Without them, the testis swing freely, much like the gong inside of a bell. Most of the time there will be no problem, but it can happen that the testicle can twist and cut off circulation to itself, resulting in extreme pain and, eventually, a dead testicle. Unfortunately, in my case, the pain was there, but I didn't acknowledge it until much too late and nothing could be done (You need to catch it within hours...I thought I had somehow hit myself in the groin or something like that and tried to "wait it out"). But the pain was so great afterward that I hardly think you could be walking around for a week, let alone months. The testicle will also swell and be very hard, so I don't think this is the case with you. But, like everybody says, see a urologist very soon to diagnose what is happening.

OK, after reading your symptoms, I would highly suggest that you see a urologist. This type of pain is not normal and could suggest something a lot more serious. Do yourself a favor and do not put this off any longer and when you see the doctor, don't downplay the pain as something you can handle day in and out. Trust me, I know from experience and I learned the hard way what happens when you ignore it.

I don't want to scare you, but I do want to give you the best advice possible.

Hey bilal, let me ask you a couple questions first:

- Where exactly is the pain coming from (i.e., within the testicle, on the outside, etc.)

- What type of pain is it (throbbing, sharp pain, etc.)

- How long has this been going on?

- Is it interfering with urination or ejaculation?

This might clarify the situation and help to pinpoint what is happening.

Thanks

I agree with brtlangst on this one. When you are in high school all of these relationships seem so much larger than life. The "thinkers" among us spend way too much of their time worrying about them and not enough time doing the things that they enjoy and experiencing the company of other people. Rarely do relationships that begin in a person's teens last very far into their 20's and a miniscule amount make it past that. Everybody has their first loves and that is just part of growing and learning. I mean, if you only had one, then you couldn't label them your "first", right?

If she is using you as a sounding-board for her problems then she feels comfortable with you. Use this as an opportunity to walk away feeling good about the fact that she'll remember you as someone who listened and cared. But, yes, lessen your contact with her. Give her a few years to date some real "winners", but don't be surprised when you get that unexpected phone call as you're on a date with your then *current* girlfriend.

I would most certainly have to say that you are overreacting. I mean, if my arithmetic is correct, you've been out on two dates in three weeks? And she has vistors in from out of town. Um.....I'm fairly certain you'll be hearing from her again.

If not, then she went pretty far out of her way to hire a fake family to escort her on a date for the sole purpose of "letting you down easy".

I'm going to give it to you straight here, friend. Without knowing any more than what you have written here, here is what I see:

1) She does not communicate (did she before, or was it always a bit hard?)

2) Decline in sexual activity (four months without her being "into it" is noteworthy)

3) The Big One: She has begun partying like a rock-star with moral-deficient companions

Now, keep in mind that she may be just feeling a bit overwhelmed since she, by what I can gather, was never on her own and has now moved in with her fiance (that means "forever"). It may be just a phase but you have to keep your eyes and ears open, but your mouth shut. Believe me, if you love her and want her around, your insecurities and accusations must be kept under wraps. You have three years in with her, so you don't want to end it over anything transitory, but when/if she starts getting getting argumentative and even more distant, then it's time to sit her down and get it all out.

I know it's a little rough, but sometimes being objective helps to separate your emotions from your intelligence, which helps curb the temptation to worry.

Good Luck.

OK, I understand everybody's position on her having fun, but four weeks? C'mon....it's not that expensive to call. The only reason I can figure "no contact whatsoever" is if she doesn't see the relationship the way you see it. Not to worry you or anything, that's not the reason for my reply, but if you two have been seeing each other for longer than six months there is no reason---short of something awful (again, not to worry you)---for her not even letting you know she is OK.

When you eventually hear from her, however, don't make a big deal of her not calling or writing you. Just listen to what she has been doing all this time and then in a very casual, joking manner ask what happened to all of the letters and phone calls you talked about. Her excuses will tell you volumes.

I hate to be the spoiler in all of this but even I called my GF of four months at least once when I was overseas for a week.

This is a very good way to generalize the way I have seen relationships work: giving vs. taking. And I also agree with the parental aspect of the argument since I think that at least a portion of the way we view relationships comes from how our parents viewed theirs. I am in a similar situation with my girlfriend where she is a habitual taker and I am the consummate giver. I see this and I know this but as we all know, when you are in a relationship where feelings are involved, it's much harder to break things off. Yeah, sometimes she does little things for me, but it's almost like she feels she "deserves" much more attention. She's had a rough past so I think she feels the world owes her something. I can't begin to tell you how many times she's blown up over excruciatingly trivial things. I, on the other hand came from a very healthy, loving family and it blows my mind that people can be so selfish and blind to whole-hearted attempts to show love and affection. I guess it scares them a little. Too much effort is needed from them to make a relationship work, so they make every excuse not to try. I think in some ways it's just laziness, or perhaps just an extreme form of passive-aggresiveness.

As far as advice goes, in my heart of hearts I think that my relationship will end at some point due to these inequalities. At that point I think I will have learned my lesson and find a "giver" of my own. I think that the same will happen to all here in the same situation.