MelanieM78

Thanks for your reply fancy, I really do appreciate it. I have talked with my boyfriend (?Ex) this weekend and he is very open to help us get through this mess. I sometimes have the feeling that I want to date others just to make sure that it is what I really want. Is this normal to feel? I told him that I feel like that sometimes because I know when I go out with these other people that I wont have the feeling that I am with a person who hurt me so bad. My guy has told me that if it is something that I feel that I have to do that I should go ahead and do it. I told him that I didnt want him to date though..which is so hypocrital of me I know. I always try to treat everyone the same way I would want to be treated, thats always been the force behind my actions. My guy has said that he doesnt want to date anyone else at this time being and if i wanted to then he may not like the idea but he understands and that I'm worth the wait. He also did say as long as it is for the time being and isnt still going on 6 months down the road...understandable. I know or think I want to do this just to erase any doubts from my mind that our relationship is worth fighting for...but, I dont know if it will do more harm than good. I have so much to sort out its crazy =) Thanks again for your input and advice. Melanie

I have been reading various posts about cheating boyfriends, husbands, girlfriends, etc. and I have found that I relate to a lot of the situations but obviously every situation is a little different. My boyfriend and I had been dating for about a year and recently decided to end things (for the 2nd time) because he told me that after a year he really couldnt say "I love you". So...obviously I was devastated but decided to just let it be. Well, he continued to have contact with me via email or online just to talk about things and said that he had time to reflect and realized that his feelings for me were a lot stronger than he thought they were, he just didnt realize it until he didnt have it any longer. He admitted that it was like a ton of bricks hit him one morning and he realized he had more feellings for me that he admitted to himself before. He said he understood if I didnt want to take him back and that he would have to suffer the consequences for his actions even though they would suck. Well, I ended up hanging out with him a few times and we had a connection that we never had before...it was great. Well, after about three weeks he decides that he needed to tell me that while we were together he had a one night stand after a bar night. He said that because we were starting off anew and it seemed that things were going great, he had to be totally truthful and let me make my decision from there. He was scared to tell me before because I always told him that cheating was never forgivable in my eyes because it is something that I highly value. WEll, to say the least, your thoughts are totally different when you are in the situation yourself. We have talked about things a lot and he has said that he is really trying to reflect on his actions and what he does and that his feelings toward me are stronger than they were before and he wants to make things work. He isnt pushy and he is leaving the ball in my court. I have told him that if we were to try and work things out he has to bare with me as I begin tto build trust..knowing that I will be suspicious. I also told him that there will be no sex for a long, long time and that he has to go get tested for everything even though he used protection. He has agreed to do whatever is necessary. The hard part...I want to make it work, but will things ever be the same? And....do I take his word that he will never do this again because it kills him to see me in so much pain? For those of you out there who have been through this situation and worked through it, what helped? Are things the same or is there always that pain in your heart? Sorry this post is so long but I felt the background and most details were important for sound advice. Thanks for listening.