Father of 2

Well, here's the latest. I suggested we try counseling again, she shut me down. I'm going by myself now. Here's the kicker, I've been checking the cell phone records and found that she was calling the same # several times a day for the last 2 weeks or so. After some investigative work, I found out that it is a guy she slept with prior to our marriage. How can i find out if she is having an affair? I know the guys first and last name and the city and street he lives on but my car is way too obvious to stake out the place. I can't afford an investigator and i don't want to get friends involved because....loose lips. I know that if i give her enough time, she will screw up and i will find out. ???????

Here's my story, I'll try to keep it brief. I've been married for 5 1/2 years. My wife and i were friends in high school but lost contact. I contacted her 11 years after i graduated and we started dating. 6 months later we got married.(mistake #1) We started having problems almost immediately. She began to be very controlling. I couldn't even get up to go to the restroom without her asking where i was going. (still the same today) Just 8 months after the marriage, she stated that she was pregnant. She wasn't supposed to be able to have kids, but i was blessed with a healthy baby girl. (almost 5 now) We continued to argue constantly and about a year after the baby, we seeked marrital counselling. The counseling didn't work out well because she didn't like what the counseler was saying, so we seeked it through our church also to no avail. At this point, the sex stopped and i began to notice alot of changes in myself, changes that i didn't like. I'm usually a happy, silly, fun guy but now i'm the exact opposite. Long story short, one night, in a drunken stuper, she let down her guard and we had sex again. (almost 2 years later) As luck would have it, she got pregnant again.(don't trust birth control) I've been trying to make it work for the entire time, we talk about what bothers us and i do what i can to change, she does not. One day she decided she didn't want to work anymore. Without consulting me, she quit her job. I did everything possible to keep up with the bills and the mortgage, but failed. We ended up selling the house.(mistake #2) and moved in with her parents.(huge mistake #3) She wanted to be in charge of the bills, now we have to file bankruptcy because she failed to pay them and now has destroyed mine and her credit. Everytime i asked her about the bills, she would say we were current. There is soooo much more, but, the bottom line is i want a divorce. I just can't bare being away from my kids. I work 10 hours a day, come home and play with the kids, cook dinner (if i didn't cook, we wouldn't eat) give the kids baths and put them to bed while she sits on the couch. After they are in bed, i clean the house. I can barely take a step without tripping over something. I clean it everyday because i come home to the same mess everyday. I don't want to lose my kids, but the bankruptcy will make it very difficult to establish residency elsewhere. Will the courts be lenient and give me time to find a place to live before custody is established? Thanks for reading, Father of 2