Jeffie

I've never posted anything here for you all to read so, here ya go. One of my better ones, and means a lot to me.

Budding first

In a Springs widowed moonlight

It endured the dusks

And dawns of many

Not lost through the sleets

Nor through monsoons

Poised now elder and astute

By the changing of seasons.

With stillness, open faced to the brightness,

Exposed and abreast to naught.

Letting its tender sepals

Drink the warmth of a dying sun.

Falling from grace

With sadness

dropping its petals one by one

The stock, soon to follow

All coming to rest upon the dirt, frozen in darkness

Laying atop the solemn ground

They slowly wither

To be scattered away

By a silent tempest.

Time shall pass with days and nights

Holding nothing but memory

Of midsummer blooms for passers by

And for one,

Glows of sunlight

A divine redolence

Viewed afresh only in a reminiscence of a few.

Beneath the loam

Still resting in pieces

Cloaked in earth, its shattered pith

Solely in remembrance of the sweet blossoms of old

That will be breathless, just beyond

Yes right now I live at home. It seemed the best time to 'give it a try' I would rather struggle getting by now when I can fall back on my parents if I didnt make it. But I have made everypayment for every bill I have had so far.

I wouldnt want to risk that when I was older, married, maybey had a kid or two. Even with one person working while another spouse tries their hand at starting a business is risky, you are only surviving on one income until the business is off the ground.

Like I have said I have loved every minute of putting these businesses together. My latest try is showing the furthest a long and most successful of what I have tried. It is diffictult because there is no training like when you get a job that explains how you are suposed to do your job, nore is there managers or administrators that you can go to with questions. I like the challenge.

I quit my job back in February because I cannot stand working for someone else, it just doesnt make sense to me to get paid if I do well, or if I do a bad job... anyway whole other issue.

I have about $425 in bills I need to pay each month with my car, insurance, gas, and cell phone.

I have been able to make all these payments, some months it was a little close. All from small odd jobs I have done. I have been using this time away from work to do what I really want to do...run my own business. The majority of what I have tried has failed, though I understand I am not going to make millions, even thousands or hundreds right off the bat. It takes time to find what works. Though I am feeling pressure from friends family and my girlfriend to get a job, and also pressure from my self to keep a cash flow coming in, and so I dont need to worry how I will be making my car payment this month or something else. But when ever I have 'worked' on a business idea I have never really considered it work because I love doing it. I just wish I had some guidance or a mentor to help me along the way.

What do you think should I get a job? or continue making it my way?

Thanks!

Jeff

As far as saving money goes...

There is a part in the bool "The Richest Man in Babylon" that says to ALWAYS pay your self first. It is your money you should have it. Take 10% of what ever you make and put it into savings. If you make $20 of something take at least 10% and save it. You will learn to live on less than you make, while saving.

take that for what you will. Good luck in all that you do.

plus if she can get you off doing that, think what it will be like when/if you do it for real. Please give us some warning beforehand so we can cover our ears.

hahaha! I told, her, yes I didnt want to tell her because I was embarrassed (sp?) went a lot better than I had expected. Thanks everyone for the help (and the scare at the beginning: )

im 19 and she is 18

just to let you all know, Im not trying to fight responsibility and blow it off, 1 I am emberaased that it happened, and 2, I am scared (now) of what possibly could happen. I will tell her

Dude you to 2 better be old enough to handle what can happen.

Physically I am probably old enough, but mentaly I am not. I honestly never thought that bumping and grinding would bring me to orgasm.

I very highly doubt that because I was straddling her leg, and once I started to orgasm I moved, and sat up.

Today I stopped by my gfs house before I went to work. we ended up making out on her bed. We then started levi-lovin' we have done this before nothing new. but this time i guess I got a little more into it, and ended up having an orgasm, imediatly after i got up said that I had to go (i was already a few min late) and was making every effort not to let her see the wet mark on my pants. I'm sure she knew I was acting weird I started heading out of her room without my key and shoes. she had to remind me to get them.

Do I pretend this didnt happen? or explain why I was acting the way I was?

she hasnt brought anything up....but I kind of feel the need to tell her, I'm just afraid of how she will take it.

Thanks for the advice

ugh, im doing it again, its 11 I just got home from work about a half hour ago, talked to my parents and girlfriend. I am just very edgy and have a very short fuse and at the same time I am pretty depressed. but I dont know what about. could there possibly be hormones or chemicals out of balance with me?

Thanks for all the input, those are all awesome suggestions. Im really not doing much at the moment, school doesnt start till next mon, and I am sick of my job. I did just put a bike on layaway because I love to bik, but I still have a ways to go before I pay it off.

i think if you had a qustion on if ejaculating is when you orgasm, tantra may be just a bit to advanced for ya

I don't know what it is but lately I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. I will be fine, and then the smallest things will set me off either angry or depressed. for an example....

I work for Wells Fargo in collections, I used to always treat the customers with great respect, and truly tried to help the person i was dealing with, but lately I have found my self being much less understanding on the phone and being sarcastic with them. I come home, and just want to be by myself, althought I want to be with someone...if that makes sense. Its almost like there are some chemicals out of whack in my sustem because I can be talking with my girlfriend on the phone and she will ask me whats wrong because I really enjoy talking with her, but I am very quiet on the phone with her. I dont get it.

just let go don't look back

Much easier said than done.

I would love it if my GF wrote me a poem like that. Did you give it to him?

thank you 11 flower!

how can you hold that long thats incredible. i dont think there is nething you can do about it. why does it disgust you? you dont seem comfortable with your sexuality at all.

Finchabald was this ment towards me?

He sounds like he knows "what he is getting into" and if he doesnt have a problem with it. then great thats better for you. He might be the same way that you are, enjoying doing something pleasing for you.

If he wants to do it i'd let him and not worrie to much about it.

Melatonin gives most people more intense dreams

You could also try things with seratonin, such as cerals and breads. and then L-tryptophan such as milk, tuna or turkey.

When you sleep at night you go through 5 stages of sleep, stages one through four and REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. you will only dream in REM sleep. You cycle through these five stages about 4 to 5 times a night. so if you happen to wake up in the first 4 stages of sleep every morning, you wont remember any of your dreams. But I do gurantee that you are dreaming.

Here is a few poems I've done.

First one is just a quic cute one I jotted down. I can't remember if I had heard the first part of this somewhere sometime, or if I came up with it on my own let me know if it is from something else.

if wishes were kisses i'd have only 3

one from me to you and one from you to me

and one for the night thats cold and grey because

i havent seen your face all day.

The Snowflake

I have held my mouth open always

watching thousands of snowflakes

dancing circles above my head

forever I have wished to catch a single flake

and let it melt upon my tongue

I have seen many tumble towards me

missing by only inches

not until the present have I caught one

and felt the way I am

I barely saw this one coming

just before its gentle landing

it was distinct from the others

and fell in a different way

I closed my eyes just in time

to feel the snowdrop's pleasing chill

It warms me from the inside

and paints a gentle grin

I hope through the summer

the fragile snow will sit upon my tongue

never melting completely

or be taken away by the summertime wind

Twin Pools

While the pools are filled

To blur out the world

Amongst a confused and soggy twilight

there is battle being lost

Lost to a sky of a

Thousand thoughts

When the heavy clouds shall be

Whisked a way

To reveal the light that has been smotherd

by a cloud that sits

alone

and gray

This question is a riddle

That can only yet, be answered by one

That sits in a quiet solitude with unknown lore

Somewhere cloaked in a vast unseen

Knowing of the rain that fills today

While resting on those cloudless days of yore

After the pools are drained

Of their somber

bleak thoughts

That once filled there chambers

On the light of the prior

The day must be the today

But it once sat as a tomorrow

That was hoped to bring

A clear and cloudless hour

That awaited hour

Has brought forth the present

And perchance may still bring

A bygone shower

that may fill the pools

With a saddened dew

That shall not be dripped

Just left to reflect the sky

To those who stayed near

When the weather held warmth

And a pleasured daystar

Yet those who perched close

When the days sat wet,

Clouded and drear,

Shall view Deep Into the pools secrets

That were hidden before

The rain has ceased falling

From the clouds that hold no more

It has all fallen to rest in the pools

That will reflects the thoughts

That sit with many others

in a clouded and confused sky

I pray these pools to reflect

the image of one

one that has filled the pools

but also helped empty their contents

the reflected one has looked deeper

into them than any other

knowing of the secrets that rest

on the bottom

deep below the surface

and if the pools holdings

are cold and chill

the reflected one knows

how to bring warmth and solace to the pair

I welcome comments to all, please let me know if you would like to me to post more as I have many others.

Cheers!

Jeff

No we didnt have concrete plans to go to lunch. she likes little surprises. This is what I was planning, just be down there, whne she called i would tell her i will be there in a litte bit, and then walk in a few seconds later

i relize all these comments. I know i am the one at fault, i just hate myself for becoming irritated at her for it. I know she has no controll over the situation. This has only started lately and I dont know why, thinking back I can see how truly stupid and immature I am acting. I just wish I would be less irratable with her.

I used to play "hide the gum" one person would hide it in there mouth while the other one tries to find it.

i still love kissing after my gf has just had a really cold glass of water. her mouth is cold, mine is warm... very nice