New to the forum, but here's the scoop. The long and short goes like this....been married 9 years, he's had 4 affairs, and we've sperated several times but always reconciled mainly for our child. But now things are a bit different. I'm the one that's over it. As I said, I've been married 9 years and have a 7 year old daughter (a daddy's girl) who is the world to me. Her father on the other hand isn't as much of the world as he once was. For 9 years I have been cheated on, verbally abused, mentally abused, lied to, and taken for granted. I've always been the type of person that wants to keep everyone happy and take care of everyone that's important to me. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not the perfect wife by any means. I don't clean house as much as he would like, and I don't cook dinner 7 nights a week. I used to, but this got old after not ever getting any help with it or it never being appreciated....just expected. But the most recent events in our life go like this. As I said before, my husband and my daughter have always been my top priority, what I wanted or needed didn't matter, I basically lived and breathed for them. But about a month ago I began to realize that not only did my opinion not matter to me, it didn't matter to him either. He did what he wanted when he wanted and didn't ask my thoughts on anything. So I started being a smaller version of this. Now, not to the extent he is, I mea his stuff is all personal stuff. He never spends any "family" time with us. What I mean is I would go the store if I needed to and work late if I needed to, and go visit a friend or family if I wanted to without asking him if it was okay. Well, needless to say this didn't go over very well. He accused me of cheating and also accused me of being a lesbian because I was spending more time with my best friend. Which is crazy. He has packed his bags twice in the past 2 months to leave for good and I always talk him out of it. I'm not sure why, but I do. Then we move to sex. My husbands theroy about sex is "it's a race. he who gets off first wins." There is no forplay, and when he's done he gets up and walks away. So I decided that if he couldn't show me that there was more to our relationship than sex (for him) then I wasn't having sex with him. Again..this went over like a lead balloon. So we began seeing a marriage counselor 2 weeks ago and he told the counselor that he didn't care what I thought or felt and if I didn't have sex wth him within the next week then he was leaving. the counselor agrees with me that he only wants someone in his life to service him....to cook, clean, and have sex. He now says (after only 3 weeks) that he is going to try and put me first in his life and try to make this work, but he's already told the counselor that his patern is to do what I want just long enough to shut me up and get me back in the bed. Then he goes back to his old ways. There's a ton more to this story, but those are the highlights. So......what do I do. After 9 years of the same old stuff, could this really be the time that he could change? I'm so over this life and don't want my daughter growing up thinking this is what a happy mariiage is like. I'm miserable and I don't know how much more I can take. I'm tired of trying and being the only one that's trying. I swear I truly think I want out until he's one step away from the door and then I panic. PLEASE....any advice will be appreciated.
