Charlie1984

I am so sorry. I truly feel for you. I wonder what could have happened to it. I received the title to my car in December 2022, moved the first of February this year. Received a great offer for my car recently, went to look for it and it's not where to be found. I told the buyer I would go to AAA with them to transfer it since I didn't have the pink slip and they seemed put off and said they were hoping to get title and bill of sale and go take care of it. After that he backed out. I feel like such an idiot, however I know I put it in this binder I keep all of our pertinent and my husband confirmed seeing me do this so I have a feeling in the move one of his friends dropped it and or it feel out since I ended up noticing the lack of care used. Really sucks to lose anything let alone something that could have panned out well.

Two-week update: For those of you who recommended communication, you were right. After lots of conversations, I feel like we are returning/ returned to a place that feels so familiar in which we are in sync again and talking more, sharing, comforting each other, laughing a lot again and I am feeling blessed for this positivity. For those of you who said I need to find my own interest and a hobby, you were also right. I have been doing some home Pilates and learning "YouTube" and am exploring options of a potential career change. I feel passionate about it and feeling less cloudy, mopey and I have not had one single day in the last 2 weeks where I wait for him to be home because I am too busy doing something on my own and it's just a cherry on top when he walks through the door. Tomorrow we are going to our niece’s birthday party (his side of family). Next Saturday we are going to our other niece’s birthday party (also his side of the family). I am trying to go beyond myself (with the help of CBD) to go with him more for certain events with his side of family. One last thing. I did make a couple attempts to apologize for the whole living with my Mom for longer than we should have or at all and he insisted that where he wasn’t super happy about it, it’s not the biggest deal. He even expressed he kind of missed certain things about living there like my Culinary Mom’s meals and the treats she would send to our work to share with our co-workers. He missed certain things we did like watching certain shows all together. So rather he was blowing smoke, or it really isn’t as big of a deal as it would seem. He said that when he had the outburst about us getting a place of our own there were several issues including work and his family drama that went into it and he was regretful of how it came up. So, I don’t know, but either way I am glad we have our place and I learned something as a result of all this. Again, thank you all so much.

@routinezucccini I understood once I read it a couple times from other’s comments. I now understand completely reading yours. I think perhaps he didn’t want to voice it and when he did it was so late that it had festered in a way already. I acted quickly to accommodate him since when I married him I vowed before God to put him first. The pandemic surly didn’t help at all cause it would have been sooner. I appreciate you.

@Volio Thank you so much for your kind, warm and thoughful response. "You can physically be around someone but still be lonely." I know this all too well. And I am deeply sorry you're going through this too. As I pray on my own issues, I will pray for your's too. @MissCanuck I did ask and he does. @LootieTootie @Batya33 I was going with him to the gym for a while, then when our friend came back to town as a result of his separation now divorce, I got cast aside. I was going with them for a little bit, but stopped when we moved and now due to our work schedules can't make it on time anymore. I will start going independently as part of my new "Doing things on my own" chapter. @Tinydance We have swapped recently. I used to be the one dragging him places for years and years, now the rolls have flipped. I am not opposed to going out, I like it. I just don't want to always be going out and it would be nice to just spend time at home together. We have been married almost 5 years, together 11 years. @Big Stan You're right about there being two sides to every story, but if you were to talk to my in-laws or former in-laws (people who married into my husband's family) we all have the same story. So I will not go out of my way for people who have dragged me and others on numerous occasions, said cruel and unneccesary things to me and were mean and rude to my Mother. I don't keep him away becuase God doesn't want me to do that, but I also know I don't have to put myself in uncomfortable situations to make him happy, and that is what my husband has told me. He is grateful I don't see it bad or disloyal for him to go spend time with them and I have been there with him on occasion too, so I do try. I know everyone on here works without every detail, but as far as this is concerned, I am confident that I do the right thing. @spinstermanquee @Lambert @Andrina UPDATE: My husband and I talked last night, for a long time. We did hit a rough patch. We hit it and then failed to communicate about it. We both came out of the conversation lighter. It's going to take a lot more than one conversation, but it was a great start. He expressed and reexpressed some feelings he had to me about things that both had to do with me and things that did not. He said he felt heard and I feel heard too. We agreed to set at least one weekend a month to devote to each other and not to use other weekends of the month for back to back outtings, meaning 1 day off a week is reserved for each other. I am going to start going to our primary gym on my own and he can continue to go with his friend to our secondary gym and the goal is the get home about the same time. He agreed that he dropped the ball and will begin cooking more for us and I even offered to be his sous chef. Everything right now looks bright and I look forward to better days. I will continue to update. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much for your time and insight. 🥰

@Batya33 I’m not understanding how someone can be friend that seems to be so energized to go out so much.

@Batya33 This line hit hard. I think you're right. I don't know how to give him space. He's the most important person in my life and I just can't understand how he can see me hurting and asking for more time and not find it in their heart to either speak freely on how they feel or try and lift that person even just a little. I don't even feel like I was even thrown a bone last night. Felt more of the same and I needed to take a number.

@Lambert I know how you meant it, I didn't take it bad at all. I was just using your words to express that I wasn't aiming for that at all. The shift has made talking and communicating harder than it's ever been. But I need to just act like an adult and do it, even if I don't like what I am hearing. Also, need to head everyone's advise and do some things for myself. The waiting by the door image you all are getting is accurate and I feel pathetic.

@Batya33 He is the one who says he doesn't want to pay anyone else's mortgage by renting too long. I mean sure I would love to be a home owner but I have never been as vocal about it as him. I am going to have to shake it up and do something different for sure. I feel like in trying to be the best wife I lost aspects of myself along the way.

@Andrina Your imput is valuable. Funny part is when we got together and up until maybe like year 2 of marrage, I was the one who liked going out. Sporting events, clubs, lounges, group kareoke were all something I enjoyed, but didn't really get to do super often cause he liked us staying home and watching TV or just going to eat and then going home. In the last few years I have become more like that myself and now he wants to go out. And he has become very ney saying about things I throw out there to do. I can't even consider seperating laundry and just doing mine. It feels sad. But yeah something's gotta give there. When we go out with friends it's usually some singles but other couples. I enjoy them, just not every weekend. We have joint everything so I am putting away. He does seem spendy latley. Great point and didn't realize that aspect until just now. I sure will update. Thank you.

@spinstermanquee 😢 You have me in tears. I am so grateful to you.

@spinstermanquee I really appriciate you. I feel understood, and I am going to take your words and make a plan of action on my own. A few months of this doesn't constitute as a stage 5 marital emergency but I am trying to keep it from getting to that point. I want to get in front of it and nip it in the bud early on. Thank you sooooo much.

@itsallgrand We only lived with her for 4.5 years. We had an apartment lined up and realized she needed a surgery 6 weeks after our wedding so we decided to stay short term, then thought to just save for a house, but the time we got to the point of buying, the pandemic hit and pushed the plans out longer. It will be 5 years for us in July married and 11 together. Hell, even that is becoming an issue. I talked to him about a vow renewal even if it's just a cheesy Vegas one, he has shown no interest so I scrapped the idea.

@Lambert I have had a few conversations about the lack of time and reminding him that he agreed to the cooking. The conversations were calm, he felt bad for slipping in these areas and would be ok for a few days then go right back into not cooking and being gone. This time felt much more emotional becuase he had plans Saturday night, I was aware of them. Not happy about them, but he tells me those plans were canceled becuase no one was confirming and it bothered him enought to just call it all off. Nothing to do with spending time with me. I was releived and ready to take the benefits of us doing something. So when we were trying to make a plan to remediate the situation, he tells me my weekend can be the one after next. I asked why since his plans were cancelled, then he hits me with the Sunday plans he has. So I got pushed away yet again, I was out of the loop yet again and it showed no effort to actually care to make me a priority. It was so hurtful. Rather there is something more he's not telling me or not, how do I continue to have a conversation with someone who is making no effort to show me any kind of immidiate care. It's not about kissing my butt or even really him apologizing. Its just me wanting time with someone who for 11 years now has been my best friend and even going to costco with him feels fun. A few months ago, we were falling asleep on Facetime because he was away on business. I dont want to lower myself and beg for time, but I also am trying to find the happy medium for us to get back on track.

@Wiseman2 Thank you, yeah I thought it was a big step in the right direction to get out own place. Which is why now that I am in this predicament, I am so confused by it. The CBD is just something I take on occasion when I feel to tense and need to force some relaxation in order to sleep so I can function at work and well, in case he ever wants to do anything spur of the moment. I take it about 3 times a month. I have my yearly coming up so it's a good suggestion to talk to doctor about it. I try and put suggestions out there about things we can go do and there is always some sort of reason why not to do it. Traffic, too far, what if it's not fun...and he had something else to do or the mood killing "yeah if you want to do that, we can" with a demeanor that says hes just really interested. One thing I think I ommited, is that I called him a few times while away this last weekend and each time he was out doing something and rushed the conversation, so it was a stretch to say we were one the phone more than 2 minutes. Also when I would text him, he would take forever to reply. He aknowledged this last night and apologized, but it's all connected and it's a problem. I don't need to be connected at the hip, but even the most basic effort is not happening, so its heartbreaking.

@Lambert You're right in much of what you say. It's just super hard cause I have expressed myself calmly and directly before a couple time and it ends up the same. I thought we were making progress last night and he drops the bomb of doing something with his family Sunday so I felt pushed away first. And if someone clearly doesn't have the intentions of immediate action, then it's hurtful. Why would I want to sit anymore and feel like I am begging for time?

@MissCanuck I would absolutley do couples counceling. I would do whatever to get back on track. Thank you for your replies.

@MissCanuck Embarassingly, I don't have one. I have friends that moved out of state that I still talk to but not see very often. I have never been super social. I keep to myself much of the time. I instantly felt comfortable with him since the day we met. Kind of like that is my person I knew it.

@spinstermanquee You're laying down all the facts. Reading that I got a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I am very lonley and I do long for my husband. We used to be romantic and buddies. Now I feel like he's more a roomate that is closer than usual. When living with my Mom, and even now, he doesn't part take in chores. I do all the cleaning, laundry, bills paying. We tend to go together to supply shop cause we like browsing. He is supposed to do the cooking (me the clean up) but he falls behind on that so I end up doing it or eating out. Either living situation has had landscape included. So nope, not like he has any more time than he did before. Don't I know that feeling of wiping down the counter over and over, almost imagining spots I missed or reorganizing the fridge. Tricking myself into thinking I should revamp something like a closet or cabinet when it's already organized it to a T. I find myself feeling very OCD. Talk about a desperate housewife (well I work full time) but you get it. The first month felt very honeymoon, but quickly vanished. It was so weird. I even asked him last night if he felt like he might be mad at me for failing to get pregnant, he said he wasn't. So I just don't understand.

@Kwothe28 I know it's not his job to entertain me, I just feel like it might be a part of being in love and married to spend time with one another and not be so quick to abadoned me so quickly. It hurts a lot to try and understand what is going on when he insist there is anything going on and that time is scarce, yet uses his time to be gone with others. Kids, yup. We been trying for 2 years and nothing yet. So you hit on another reason this is painful because not only do I not have a baby or two we so deeply want, I can't say I truly have him latley either. Yes, I need a hobby or two, but those hobbies will never satisfy the need I have to be with my husband.

@redswim30 His family are leechey. If we pay, they are down, if not, then the agenda goes no where. Also, they have never been warm towards me and that's putting it mildly. I am just not one of those woman who will keep him away, I know God wouldn't want me to do that. I know there is a lot to the situation and I am grateful that he good to my Mom, but she has been really receptive to him since day one. She sent me something on instragram that says "Of all my kids, my son-in-law is my favorite". So the family dynamic very a lot. I agree with what you say a lot and am thankful you took the time to outline it like that.

@spinstermanquee We like concerts, going to Vegas, movies, trying different restaurants, watching something interesting on TV, things like that. Now that we are saving, we don't do those things quite as much. He is 30, I am 39. I work 2 days from home and rest in office. My Mom is very active and self sufficient. I do worry about her but not an abnormal amount. You're just trying to understand, which I appriciate. I'd rather get asked questions than someone assume and spew something negative and wrong.

If the Groom is ok with it, then what's the problem? I don't see it being much of an issue. It wont look any way but a friend being there for his friend on her special day.

@spinstermanquee Thank you for that. I do like to spend a moderate amount of time with my Mom and sister. But I don't have to always be with them. I have become a home body recently especially since we are still saving for a house. Can't say I have too many hobbies. When I am home alone, I tend to clean a lot (seems like it passes time until he comes home faster) plus it's a productive use of time. Also, I just like things to be clean and tidy.

Recently my husband I got an apartment after having a pretty big conversation in which he expressed how he was unhappy with just how long we were living in same house as my Mom. He kind of held it in for about 4 years then it came out pretty aggressively. I quickly hopped-to correct the situation. Within 2 months of that conversation, we were in a place of our own. It's going on 4 months of living on our own, and I have noticed that I find myself alone a lot. He goes to work before me, gets home after me and has quite the affinity for the gym and goes with his newly separated friend. He has also taken to going out more, with friends and family. I know I am invited but don't exactly feel comfortable going out with his family so I either stay home alone or get together with my Mom. I like the outings with our friends, but don't need to do them so frequently. He tends to travel for work about once a month or more for a few days at a time. I was upset to come home to an empty home yet again on Tuesday after going away for an extended weekend to celebrate a birthday. It led to a conversation last night in which he seemed to understand my feelings and concerns, but then still deferred a weekend together until the weekend after next because of something he planned with his family on Sunday that I didn't know about. I was very upset by this. I felt like he hadn't heard me at all. I shut down, went to shower and when he tried to continue the conversation, I said something snippy like "don't worry about it, I will patiently wait for my time in 10 days and any other time you have to pencil me in". I showered, took some CBD and went to bed. I know comments like this do not help anything, but I was so hurt over the deferral of time with me that I didn't help myself (I am sure I could have but didn't want to, to be honest). What do you think? Should I be concerned? What is the best way to approach or handle going forward? I love my husband so much and miss him. Between his work, gym, outings, I am feeling his distantness. Thank you in advance.

I am here and I have read through everyone’s comments and am totally in awe of the deep dive everyone has done into my issue. You all are a very comprehensive bunch and I am very grateful. I stand corrected and vow to never take the food only to throw it away. Those who addressed that, I took it to heart and you’re absolutely right. Unnecessary action and it it’s even disrespectful to the person who made it and the person who didn’t end up getting any when it was done. I don’t want to say it’s the worst issue to have but I notice it peaking its head more and more. I think rather than seek out help automatically, id like to just take the “no, thank you” approach first and see how it goes over. I think I have been too nervous over hurting feelings to say that so I really don’t recall doing that. Dumb but true. I don’t know if I mentioned this in my original post but it not so much of an issue when my husband is around because he just slowly eats the food on my plate if we are in a setting that it would super off if I didn’t eat. I always end up feeling like a blessed woman when he does that. Thank everyone so much.