Charlie1984

Hi, For some of my life when I was a kid, I didn't give it a whole lot of thought when it came to eating food at someone's house or the dish they made at home and brought to a gathering. Slowing through my young adulthood, I found myself straying from this. I take issue to eating something that I can't assess the cleanliness of it or how it was made. But now well into my 30s, I find myself repulsed by eating at someone's home that isn't my own or eating something made elsewhere. It's getting to the point that even when I see someone cooking on TV I am grossed out by the thought of digging into their finished dish. I do eat a restaurants with no issues, well at restaurants with A ratings and look clean anyways. I find this is becoming an issue when a co-worker or friend says they intend to bring something for me to try. It's such an uncomfortable topic now and not sure how to go about it. I have gotten some, thrown it away and was petrified someone would catch on. I have faked stomach issues. I have lied and said I did get some. I have been direct about my issue, didn't seem to go off well. Any advise on how to go about this? I really can't stomach it. I shouldn't have to feel this way but I do and I need help. Thanks so much!

@Jamie425 Update: Husband and I had a good heart to heart last night. Throughout the day I had given a lot of thought as to how I wanted to effectively and directly articulate myself in order to keep things calm, on track and not let it drag out longer. I think I did very well at letting him know that I was not on board with him spending and extended periods of time in which no actual work is being done (i.e. long car trips). I am fine with quick travel via plane because if he has to get there, he has to get there of course. I am ok with them grabbing meals together while traveling (lunches at the office as usual also) because they do have to eat I am sure on the way back to hotel it just makes sense to eat. I did go as far as to say "keep it limited to grabbing a bite to eat" meaning no special outings in which freshening up and nicer clothes are worn. None of that. Keep it business as much as possible. The great part of this all was he never once questioned why all this came about cause he knows her history. He agreed to the boundaries I would like set, didn't seem put off by them and said he appreciated me still being willing to go to dinners with her and her husband (I know there is a bureaucracy to these dinners). So I am happy how it went but still need to see these boundaries in action. I know he doesn’t take calls from her after 7:30 anymore, so that is good and a step in the right direction. She called a couple times while we were on vacation, specifically on the morning of our anniversary a couple weeks ago on 7/15. I wasn’t happy cause she knows that’s our anniversary but still called with some trivial things as it to prove a point. Point here being, things change all the time and I know she wont be his manager forever. That woman seems to be gathering rope, so lets see if in fact she does hang herself at that company. Thank you so much again, for your compassion and concern. It really helped me so much and I am truly grateful.

@Jamie425 Again, your kindness is having a very soul nurishing and warmhearted affect on me. To be told I am the problem or that my marriage is not happy or anything else so negative is damaging at the moment cause I have such a saddness and uneasiness about me. Your kindness and compassion is needed right now and I appriciate it so much. Seems like the plucking of time is becoming more frequent and I never know when its going to happen and it's so heavy on my heart. I didn't jump on here to talk about something that happens once in a while. It's an issue. No matter who is contributing to it, it's still happening to me and I feel helpless. So the last thing I was to read is mean things. Thank you kind hearted Jamie.

@Jamie425 I am actually choked up reading this and got misty eyed. Thank you so much. I dont think I am articulating myself correctly and I come across super insecure but truth is I am not. I just was looking for help in communicating to my husband why it's weird and tips to help us fix it. I know this woman and the intentions are not good. I also know my husband is too passive. But I am just a woman that has feelings and is trying her best to do right. Thank you for understanding that.

@MissCanuck I think because he is unsure how to handle it, so perspective on it from someone who I know has been through it and has a wife that has never taken BS like this lightly, the GM can be a great source of guidence on fixing this and setting boundries in the future. They have great heart to hearts and are friends, so I dont see this as unusual. This woman keeps pushing and enough is enough. He has to learn and be assertive.

Hmmmm, I dont understand this. So he doesn't do much beyond doing the daily to do's and you keep suggesting he do something else other than what he is doing? He sounds like he is feeling perhaps judged or attacked. Why not set up an activity to do together? Put that romance back in action. Sounds like he's going through something and sinces hes retired set in some ways and you trying to change that is not going to go over well no matter how you do it.

@Wiseman2 Everything you say is valid and correct. The thing is she crossed some sort of line with previous subordinates in the department...to the point they quit. I don't want my husband to be the next one cause aside from her crap, he has done well there. He is growing. I wish he'd just find his voice to tell this woman what is what and ease himself and me.

@Seraphim At this point I wish he would. But he has grown so much there and continues to grow so much because he has the GM as a mentor and I would never ask or insist that he give that up. Hi GM has been a blessing to him. Actually during a conversation about this topic I told him to seek guidence on boundries from his GM. His GM has a very demanding no nonsense wife so I know the advice would be great. No word yet if he sought it out yet...my gut says no.

@Jamie425 She honestly does seem flirtatious...but with all men. Like she is attention hungry or something. He talks about her a very usual amount, nothing concerning. He says he doesn't want to be driving but she is insistant. He is never evasive about anything including her. If she is casting the line, I know he's not taking the bait, the problem is she is not understanding or caring about boundries and how it's costing time in his personal life with his wife and I have grown very frustrated by this infringement and lack of consideration.

@lostandhurt He does get reimbursed for travel and milage. Sorry, never made that clear. The part that annoying is that his vehicle purchased in December 26th, 2020 now has a ton of miles and has been hit by a semi on a work trip to another location (devaluing and landing it on the carfax). So he has grown unhappy with using his vehicle for these trips. If he goes anywhere with GM they fly. For some reason she has grown insistant on drving. No, to confirm I don't know if she wants to get her hooks in my man, I am just seeking perspective and what it seems like to you all so I don't end up jumping to bad conclusions. I know i might have dipped my toe in the bad conclusions water but I want perspective.

@catfeeder I know of conversations between him and all higher ups by way of him telling me or me hearing them. There is an obvious difference in the way he handles the male higher ups and her. She wanted to ride with him before and once she knows I am going, she ends up flying. But since we end up all having meals together, she talks to me as if she thinks we are friends, confides in me, vents to me about her relationship. She is an oversharer. Annoyingly, she loves to act like she knows my husband. His likes, dislikes, charactor traits... it's so weird. Almost like a sisterwive. Another reason I find her off putting as person. I really wish I could ask that, but I know he wont go for it. We are not the type to lead anything with lies or misleadings. I am growing very frustrated.

@reinventmyself I wish my situation was like yours and she understood boundies. Bluntly said, she once told my husband she and her then boyfriend now husband hadn't had sex in 5 years. He said he quickly changed the subject. Husband: boundies Her: not a single boundry.

@tattoobunnie It doesn't. I am trying to get perspective on her and if it seems weird to others too. Lots of back story here. She is inappropriate and this is becoming the straw that broke the camels back.

@Andrina Yes. Recently had to put the breaks to him accepting calls from her at 7:30 pm after noticing that she called at bedtime a few times within short period of time and nothing business related was dicussed. He was annoyed and I was more than annoyed she interupted snuggle time to tell him where she was eating and how her steak is something she knew he'd like. History of inappropriate behavior with him and others that have left the company. So yeah, lots of back story and I do absoltuley trust my husband but the devil never sleeps and I am sick of her antics.

@Rose Mosse I agree. He doesn't like it. He'd rather fly. Also, he is growing frustrated by all the miles on his car now. Yes, he uses his car at her request. But he says it feels more like a directive. So there is that. I think he has to be firmer and is being too passive. He doesn't hesitate to give the CEO, General Manager or Owners the business but seems to have a "yes boss" attitide with her. Frustrating.

@Wiseman2 4 years, we have a great relationship. I trust him and knows hes uninterested in cheating. Our marriage is a work in progress but a blessing. She on the otherhad has a history of being boundriless. She doesn't act appropriatley. I do appriciate the deep dive of your questions, I know my whole post was rather lame and unequipped.

@Blue_Skirt Nope, that would solve it. Shes been all around the world and used to fly all over for work. She has upcoming trips that require flying. No fear there.

@MissCanuck I am basing on her excessive oversharing. She is not happy, she thought marriage was the answer to a bad relationship and it wasn't and it's worse now. In this time, she has been even more insistant on spending more and more time with my husband and calls more too (not even about business).

@Lambert The last time I saw her (I went on the business trip with him) she was upset cause her husband caused a fight, told her ugly things and left in the middle of the night to go back "home" in another state. A guy on their department quit about a year ago but before he did, him and his wife came to have a strong distates for the manager becuase form what they illuded to, she crossed lines and got inappropriate. This is the position of another co-worker thay had that left as well. This is all contributing factors to my discomfort over her constant need to spend more time with my husband. I trust my husband but I know what I know and the devil never sleeps. He likes his job, seems to like the trips when I can swing going with him. I love your questions though, you are very objective and see all angles. Thank you.

@catfeeder I am 100% in agreeance with you. I asked him "How do you expect to ultimatley become higher in the chain the command when you don't speak up and let yourself be steamrolled by this woman?" He has no issue speaking up to CEO, General Manager, Owners but not her. which of course makes mind run on overdrive. I thank you for your input. Helps me understand where I need to aim.

@lostandhurt I feel like she is not happy with the way shes allowed her own relationship to go and misery loves company. I don't know the rules because they dont have any it seems. When he travels with execs they fly. But she vetos flying and I can't understand why.

Hi, I am curious if the follow strikes you as weird as it does me. So my husband's manager is a female and they been working together for about 5 years or so. When she came aboard she was in a relationship with a man who she claimed was her husband but it turned out not to be. They actually just got married last year but even beyond the wedding dont even live in the same state. It's a whole mess. Well it very much seems like she doesn't understand boundries and now more than ever seems to be pushing it. They tend to have to travel to different locations of the company they work for and she seems to want to insist on driving and they both end up going together. This is begining to irk me like crazy. The car rides could be upto 7/8 hours one way. Is this as alarming/offputting as it is to me? Thank you.