i have been broken up with my ex now too long for me still to be thinking about it. it hasn't been a year but only because there was some time of long-distance when he was still "pinning over me," then a period when he had decided to "let go" but didn't , a period of back&forth indecision and then after an evening with a nice meal, lots of laughs and good connection... it was over. that was back in October now.
we work together and although i know it's never smart to date a co-worker i did... he asked me and i thought why not. my dilemma results partially from not being able to steer-clear of him since we are in a small office and secondly because i am so confused about what exactly happened between us. see when i first met him i really didn't even notice him... i was actually in a relationship at the time and happy. but he not only noticed me but dreamed of the day he would finally get to kiss me- or at least that is what he told me the first time i did kiss him.
our relationship was different then any i have had before. on our first date we went for coffee, listened to music, read poetry and just chatted &laughed the whole night. it was by far the most real-feeling first date i'd ever had. and on it went. we never needed to fill our dates with dinner & a movie, we would spend our time talking about our passions, our dreams, our fears, and we were always happy together. infact he told me once he was the happiest with me that he had ever been in his pervious 28 years. this boy told me that i was the girl he had been looking for all his life, that he knew it was me from the moment he first saw me smile. he told me not to make big summer plans... because i would be busy with the wedding. he said many many things to me and now he won't even talk to me. when he returned from the summer he told me that he couldn't date me because he wasn't able to make me happy, that he wanted to give me more then he was capable of right now. our career choice is rather demanding at times and he said in order to get through the next couple years he needed to concentrate solely on that. he said that i was still everything he wanted but that he just couldn't be with me right now and he really never gave me a reason as to why that was besides... it was for me... because i deserved better. i didn't understand it then and i don't understand it now. he is dating someone else. i am glad that he has found someone to make him smile and i hope it works out for the both of them, but still i am sitting here confused because the man who once told me my love was all he needed now wont even say good-morning. i could go on and on with reasons that i am confused but i don't think it would do any good... i just want to know how does someone do this? how can someone want you to the point of tears on moment and then just not seem to care the next. why would a guy try so hard... if in the end he didn't even want it? was i played? and if so why go to so much effort?
anyway, i am at a point where i do feel healed about it all. i've stopped blaming myself and to be honest i think he is a coward. i think he did find something real & true with me and i think that scared him. we spent 5 months together before he went away in the summer for 3 months. during that time i was busy and traveling myself and we sort-of lost touch but agreed it was only temporary and that we wouldn't let go of what we had found. but then on return he had changed his mind. our contracts are for another 2 years and then we will be needing to move on to follow our careers... and where we go is a lottery of sorts. he told me that over the summer he realized that he couldn't be with me because if he was and then lost me in two years he would never recover from that. he loved me too much to be with me. that makes no sense... and i know it is something for him to figure out not me, but it still bothers me. i suppose i feel i would like to approach him and ask him straight out for an answer... even if it was something as trivial as i had bad breath. at least i would know. but i have asked in the past and never received a straight answer and now with him dating again... i don't want to interfere with that and become the crazed obsessed ex. so i guess my question is how does one resolve a matter when there is no resolution to be had? do i need answers? because if i do i won't get them from him... so then where do i go from here?
