Hello,
I have been with someone for about three months. At the beginning of our relationship, everything was going so well. In fact, I was concerned that maybe my boyfriend was more into the relationship than I was at first. We introduced each other to our parents (he introduced me to his first, without my asking by the way) and he talked about the future. He mentioned things like vacations, my birthday (which was a year away) and so on.
He started to pull away from me unexpectedly about two weeks ago and I made what i now realize might have been a mistake when I asked him if anything was wrong. He told me that nothing was wrong but things still felt strained.
He told me that he loved me and I told him that I loved him. He would say that he couldn't wait to see me and that he wanted to spend more time with me. Every indication was that he wanted to be with me as much as or more than I wanted to be with me. Looking back, I probably should have let him pull away for awhile and not made a huge deal of it, but I was concerned that things were going south.
I asked him if point blank if he loved me and he said he wasn't entirely sure. Yet, he had still been telling me that he did. He said that he was starting to feel scared. We broke up (I broke up with him because I felt that he had not been honest with me) but we got back together a few days later. He said that he didn't want to lose me, that he didn't want to break up, that he was still amazed by me, that he felt we still had a future in our relationship (for something more), etc.... He also said that the feelings that made him back off weren't that serious, and that he still loved being with me, he wanted to tell me things before anyone else, he loved talking with me. He said that these feelings didn't mean he wasn't in love with me. But a couple of days later, he became very cold and distant. He wouldn't touch me or even hold my hand. I knew something was up. I asked him what was going on and he said that he didn't think that he could have a serious relationship with anyone. But that if he was going to have a serious relationship with anyone it should be with me. He said that he just doesn't know if he can ever have those things. He didn't even want to work it out, and I told him that i felt he was playing a game with me.
I left that night about a week ago and haven't spoken to him since. My family seems to think that I may have scared him away and that things got scary for him and he freaked. My dad in particular thinks that this is not the end and that he will call if I just don't have any contact with him. I've been told by a couple of people that I didn't let him pursue me enough and that I made things too easy for him. My BF said that I was too involved in the relationship, even though on many occasions I told him that he should go out with his friends, etc.... I think that there was a lack of communication about this kind of stuff and he misinterpreted my attentiveness as being clingy.....A couple of weeks earlier he told me how he loved that I wasn't clingy.....??????
Does any of this make any sense whatsoever? I feel like I'm in limbo here.....even though we broke up everyone seems to think he'll come back. But I don't want to obsess about his coming back only to be disappointed. We are in our late 20's so it's not like we haven't had relationships before. He told me that he's dealing with new stuff here....new territory that he's never had to deal with before. He was engaged once before a few years ago but she left him. Could this be:
1. He just got sick of me and wanted to breakup and move on.
2. He's afraid I'll leave him so he's leaving me first.
3. He's afraid of committing to someone in general.
4. He's afraid of committing to me specifically.
5. He's afraid of his feelings for me and I scared him off by being a little too into the relationship.
6. He's scared because this might be the one.
I'll admit, I've been scared too....things have been different in this relationship as compared to other ones and we both have commented on it. I just don't know what to realistically expect....
Any advice would be appreciated.....
love_lost
