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BrokenheartUK

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  1. BrokenheartUK
    Day 60 for me. It's her birthday on Friday which will be my biggest test yet, but I will not break.
  2. BrokenheartUK
    Thanks Jay. That's the hardest thing I have found about this; not being able to speak to, see or have any contact with the one person in the world you want to the most. The other thing I find hardest to deal with is the knowledge that she is completely happy and getting on with her life, while I still feel this pain everyday. I know I'm the only one who has the power to make myself happy, but each day brings fresh reminders and hurdles to overcome.
  3. BrokenheartUK
    Day 57 I miss her so much. I have accepted it's over forever but just can't imagine anyone else in my future like her. All I imagine in my future is her still and it's completely futile as she is never coming back. I know she was my soul mate and what did I do? I threw her away. She deserves to be as happy as I know she is and she deserves her new boyfriend's love and commitment, the one thing I couldn't fully give her. It still doesn't change my feelings of love for her. Most of all, I miss my friend.
  4. BrokenheartUK
    Seconded. Hang in there.
  5. BrokenheartUK
    Yep I do, I just PM'd you if you'd like to talk anytime. Thanks x
  6. BrokenheartUK
    I saw my ex and her new boyfriend for the first time tonight. Thankfully I was going by in a car but it was definitely them. I haven't seen or had any contact from her for 3 months now. She looked really happy, and he was pretty much the stud I imagined he would be. My heart is broken all over again, just when I was feeling like I was turning a corner. It's been 7 months since the split and I can't let her go, it's really starting to scare me now. I feel helpless and it's not through lack of trying. I'm in counselling, I keep a journal, I see friends, I'm keeping active - I'm busy pretty much every night of the week. I'm going on holiday on Sunday and even that doesn't excite me. I'm starting to believe I can't live without her, which terrifies me. By the way, for anyone who wants to throw me the 'it will get easier with time' bone, let me tell you: it DOESN'T. It gets harder every day and I don't know how much longer I can take it.
  7. BrokenheartUK
    Congratulations, John. I am genuinely so pleased for you, you've come through so much. All the best of luck in the future!
  8. BrokenheartUK
    It's Friday night AGAIN, I can't wait until the time comes when I don't dread the weekend. I just know I will be thinking about my ex and her boyfriend having sex tonight
  9. BrokenheartUK
    Hey Brazilgirl, no of course I don't mind you quoting me on your thread! I hope you found what I wrote useful, it's good to know you're not alone in your thoughts isn't it? I suppose I'm sure that 'that day' will never come because of the simple fact that she has moved on and is happy and just not interested in me anymore. She loves this new guy and I have to accept it and try to move on myself. Otherwise what choice do I have? To wallow and lay down and willingly relinquish control of my life to her? Not on my watch. I do still take comfort in the old phrase of 'what will be, will be' though, I guess it still allows me to cling onto some hope that there is someone or something watching over me. I find solace in the fact that if she never comes back, then it means there must be something better out there planned for me. I still believe in the concept of 'The One' as foolish as it is, and like to hope 'she' is still out there for me, if she isn't my ex. I think that answers your last question too. I'm with you at the moment and can never imagine meeting or being with anyone again, or feeling about anyone the way I did for my ex. I just can't see the opportunity presenting itself. I hope with all my heart that I meet a girl someday, wherever it is, that I can love with all my heart and I can spend the rest of my life with. I have faith, just not a hell of a lot right now. You can always message me if you need help, seeing as we're in the same boat x
  10. BrokenheartUK
    This is what I am struggling with most of all. I didn't know what I had until it had gone and I miss it more and more each day. To anyone reading this who is contemplating breaking up with their partner, my advice is think VERY carefully about what you are about to give up. However, despite having said this, the past few months have taught me that the break-up was inevitable as I am just not ready to commit to someone for the rest of my life. I need time on my own and this is the only way it can happen. Counselling sessions, journalling, self-help books and reading many, many websites have all helped me face what I need to do and to accept responsibility for the break-up. It still doesn't stop me loving her though, or from feeling the intense pain that goes with knowing she has moved on. Just because I let her go, doesn't mean I don't love her. It just means that I can't love her in the way she wants or deserves to be, right now so that is why I thought the best thing to do was end it. And you know what? I was RIGHT. And I'm proud of myself for having the guts to do it, to let the best thing that ever happened to me go free to find someone else, which she has. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm not ready to wish her happiness just yet though, I'm not quite there. In a way, the sad inevitability of the situation is what hurts the most: knowing it could never have been avoided and that ultimately we were doomed to break up from the start. I don't wish for one second that we had never happened though, and I do still hope that we can find each other again one day. In my heart of hearts, I know that day will never come. So I suppose it's time to take this lesson, learn from it and finally live just for ME for the first time in 7 years!
  11. BrokenheartUK
    This gives me comfort, but ultimately I know it's not true in my case. I have already been forgotten by my ex and the pain of knowing she has moved onto a new guy while I can't let her go is what gets to me the most. It just seems so unfair, why does she get to fall in love and meet her soulmate and future husband while I languish here in pain, unable to let go of her? She was the one who was supposed to be head-over-heels, wanting-to-get-married-in-love with me, and now she is feeling that with someone else. It's funny how we've switched roles...
  12. BrokenheartUK
    I went through this a couple of weeks back - my ex sent me NOTHING on my birthday, not even a simple text saying 'Happy Birthday' and it really hurt me. It took a few days to get over it. Her birthday is coming up on April 19th and I thought of being the 'bigger person' and marking the occasion for her by making her a card like I used to and I even bought her a little silly gift already. But then I realised that giving them to her will achieve nothing but make me feel worse than I already do, she won't care about the gestures and I would only really be doing them for ME to try and make her think about me. After talking it over with my therapist, I have decided she is getting NOTHING. I'm not making her the card now, and the gift is in a box under my bed and will remain unsent, forever. Go me! Day 51 Had ANOTHER dream about her last night, but this one was positive unlike the previous night's. In it we were in the dining room of my house and were tickling each other, laughing, cuddling and generally messing about in that loved-up way you do. When I woke up and realised I was alone, I was heartbroken all over again. Something positive happened yesterday though, a friend randomly emailed me and asked if I wanted to take a FREE last-minute holiday to Spain with her in a week and a half to stay with her Mum, who lives out there. So I said yes! I cannot WAIT to get away from this b*stard country and all the memories this city holds for me. I'm also off to the cinema tonight on my own for the first time in years, I'm treating myself
  13. BrokenheartUK
    DAY 50 Wow, fifty days! I can't believe I've made it this far. I had a dream about her last night for the first time in ages. In it we were both in a field, I saw her walk towards me and she looked really good but instead of stopping to speak to me she just walked on by with a little smile on her face. Who knew dreams could mirror reality and break your heart so much? I woke up feeling like utter sh*t and thoughts of her and her boyfriend popped into my head, that hasn't happened for ages either. I'm planning on buying some new clothes come payday, and getting myself looking great for the summer. I've already started working out again and am feeling good about the results, my body has been neglected for far too long and it's like the stronger I see myself getting, the stronger I feel inside. One thing I have realised the past week is that even though I love her with all my heart and will always love her, if I never see her again I'm okay with that. I guess it's because it will only bring me pain and even seeing photos of her STILL makes me upset. But at the same time, never being her friend again terrifies the hell out of me and I miss her so much. Anyone else have that weird contradictory feeling, it makes no sense?!
  14. BrokenheartUK
    Day: I Don't F*cking Care I just met up with someone who accidentally let slip that all of my ex's friends now address her with the first pet name I ever gave her, because it is still her username on Myspace. This was enought to ruin my day, and it wasn't going great to start with. Feel the worse I have for some time today. Add in the fact that my ex and her boyfriend are going to my clubnight tonight (see previous page) and it's getting a bit on top of me. I can't even call my parents and cry at them as they are out of the country, and counselling today just made me more upset. I ranted in my journal just now to no avail. How much more sh*t can God throw at me? I get the message, please stop for a while!
  15. BrokenheartUK
    Don't feel bad, I watch a lot of porn and find myself fantasising that it's the kind of sex my ex is having with her boyfriend. Sometimes I insert her into the movie as I'm watching and if the male actor is 'well-equipped' then I usually wind up imagining it's my ex's boyfriend giving her the drilling of her life, it's completely f*cked up! My brain is crazy sometimes. Why do I get off on torturing myself so much? I think the fact that I know she is getting it while I am not, makes it 1000 times worse.
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