buba
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Posts
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buba's Achievements
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Thank you lady D. It was a long and painful journey and I thought it was going to kill me... I thought that I'll never love again. trust me...it's not the end of the world...you will love again!
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Here I am...five months later... Doing much better,dating someone special... He is pretty much history. believe me, It does get better with time!
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Clubs,and as a result of it all,I went back to school and got my masters...now working on my PH.D...I would of never done it with him around. He hated my desire to go back to school...
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Thanks Clabs. I seriously thought that my ex will be the end of me...was so depressed, even suicidal. All of a sudden I find myself thinking about this new guy and looking forward to seing him... For those of you who are hurting...it took me 2.5 years. Things do get better.
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Just a little update... I am finally doing much better. Geez, it took me forever... I am seing someone and he is a really nice guy. He treats me with respect and shares many of my interests. No, I am not crazy about him, but I am enjoying his company. I still have flashbacks, but not nearly as painful. I am a bit scared cause I tend to have relapses of pain every 3-4 months. I feel stronger though. I've been seing this guy for 2.5 months now...he kinda grew on me...I am starting to really like him... I thought I'll never make it. Time heals. NC helps a great deal. Just wanted to share my feelings.
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bebee, I felt it at times... His inferiority... Yes, I am working on my Ph.D and he is a pothead going nowhere...I loved him anyway... It does bother me that I haven't been able to move on.In such a long time...I dated others, it's not working for me. Is it better to be alone? concentrate on work/school? Sounds sad....I used to be happy...I remember how it felt... As i said earlier, the last 2.5 years were really hard, I was trying to survive. And here I am...still trying...
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I am sure, it wasn't easy for him to leave me...we were married after all. It's like recovering from addiction...you get better and then you relapse. In my case, it's every four months or so... God, It's really annoying...wonder if I will be able to raise above all this for good and never look back...so hard to let go...
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It just shows me that I had never really moved on... Yesterday was thinking that living like this makes no sense...it's not really living...it's hurting and trying to survive. I am a mess.
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I had a few coctails too many and called him....well, I left two mesages stating that I still love him... It was pathetic. Today I feel like s**t. Depressed and full of regrets....I just seem to relapse after doing well for three or four months... Seems like it's never going to change. Hate myself... Please, help...
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I am dating someone really nice. He cooks me dinners and brings flowers... He is sucessful and intelligent. But the chemistry I used to have with my ex is not there. I think it will never be there with anyone... It's really nice to have him around, but that's about it. after 2.5 years...memories are still fresh, just like yesterday...and the more I date, the more I miss my ex. Stuck. stuck.stuck. Pathetic.
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I don't think I let people get close to me...sort of hoping that I need to be alone in case he desides to come back ... How stupid of me! But it's so hard to close that door completely... I set my boundaries with him...,but was it really worth all the suffering? Years of despair? Was it really worth it?
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"Do you feel better now that you are home? Did it bring any sort of closure for you?" Yes. it was unbearable down there. I felt his presense everywhere.
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Is it normal to still grieve after 2.5 years of separation?I am dating others...hmmm, feeling empty, they are nice guys.I just feel like it's not the same...I guess, despite all the craziness, I really loved my ex-husband. I never felt the same way with anyone... I wish I could just forget him...I used to pray for him to come back...now I pray for a peace of mind and ask God to help me forget him. I wonder if he was the love of my life and I will never feel the same way again. It saddens me deeply. Really deeply...
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Soooo, I went to P. S.and had a miserable time!!!!!! Well, first of all, I felt this powerful urge to drive by his house...I also went out to the bar he used to work in... I Wanted to drive back home instead of spending a night in a beautiful resort I already payed for...called my girlfriend and cried out loud over the phone how much I missed him/us there....it was just awfull. I managed to spend the night...drove home the next morning and felt such a relief once I walked into my house....I left all my pain out there...I was glad to be back.... I know, It sounds strange...at least now I know...not ready yet. Can anyone relate?
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It's been 2.5 years since he left me and 1.5 years since our divorce was final. Yes, my therapist thinks that I should face my fear and make this place mine again cause I used to travel there twice a month, even before I met my ex...It was my fav. getaway... I doubt that I will meet him, but fearing my emotional state...memories might trigger some old wounds. God, I am afraid to fall apart...