Belts

Day 2 I was going to send her a final letter, but I decided not to. So that officially makes this Day 2 of NC. Heard from a friend that she went out to the bar last night with a decent couple who is looking out for her. She is apparently doing better, and has not found a rebound yet. It's hard not to think about how the whole lie about me taking pills from her dad is going to ruin this, though. If she convinced her dad that I was doing that, which I was not, chances are he will not want to see me come around ever again. I don't know if she has, though. Maybe it will blow over and she will realize that I didn't do that. I battle the urge to try calling her, or contacting more of her friends to find out details, but I have been winning so far.

Day -5 My ex broke up with me one week and four days ago. She wanted to stay friends, and I told her it would be too hard, but then I realized I couldn't keep myself away. I begged and pleaded with her, and we came to the agreement four days ago that we would be friends and save ourselves for each other until we can each get our lives back on track. I ruined this agreement by asking her about someone she slept with and why she never told me, when we told each other about all our past experiences. She went irate and deflected the question by bringing up all the reasons she broke up with me again, and telling me to never talk to her. I called her, and messaged her, begging and pleading to let us go back to being friends and working on it, but she is ignoring me. I haven't contacted her in two days, but on Tuesday I am going to send her one last hand written letter saying, "I've been acting a little crazy trying to contact you. I want you to know that I agree with the break up now, and see that it's the best thing for both of us. In fact, I could see it coming for a while." I'm sending it on Tuesday so it will arrive at her house on Wednesday, because that is the closest business day from now that I know she will be home for. I figure if I write her that, she will take it as that is the true last thing I wanted to tell her. Hopefully she will wonder why I could see it coming, and start to see that she has done the exact things that she broke up with me for. After I send out the letter, I am going NC, and will keep it posted here. Wednesday will be the true Day 1. Even though all I am doing between now and then is writing her one letter, I'm not going to allow myself to cheat.