Batya33

That's not a healthy way for two humans to interact and seems abusive too so I would suggest figuring out how you can treat someone you are dating with basic respect and until then do not date. Even as a parent -which I am - yes he has to do what I say in certain instances but the consequences of not listening doesn't mean he gets cursed at etc.

That's funny -really - having one foot out the door "causes issues" for the couple? No - choosing to believe grass is greener and not being that into the person means you shouldn't be dating the person in any serious way -casual is fine because by definition that means you're ready to explore other options too. And if she had no chemistry why did she keep dating you and agree to go on an overnight trip? I don't think it's pushy to ask "what was your intention in texting me other than apologizing or was that it?" She doesn't seem to be "figuring things out" - it's already figured out -she lacked chemistry and was keeping options open and now she's musing as to whether she'd feel a spark if she tried again - maybe she's not doing well with her other dates. I think it would be pushy to insist she see you but it's fine to ask her why she texted you.

If a couple has to "work on issues" three months in and the issues are as you described with rare exceptions (no exceptions here!) the response is -bye bye.

I can't do that or I'll be awakened to use the restroom -but I'm 57! I have many sleep hygiene routines, rituals, cognitive stuff I work on, sleep environment, what I eat and drink at night, screen time, etc. I did take sleep meds -like the pain relievers with "PM" when I was in my 30s but once I became a mom I felt I had to be alert enough in case my child needed me/emergency. (those sleep meds affect me stronger I think than average).Never took melatonin because of all I read about side effects/varying reactions etc. I average 6-7 hours a night -closer to 6 unfortunately. When I've had insomnia and/or had a newborn etc and had any kind of regular little sleep stretch -yes what Itsallgrand wrote. I've had sleep issues for many years on and off including because of intensely stressful work environments. I'm glad you're working on the issue!

It's not really because I'm type A -only partly. My jobs - professional job and parenting responsibilities - require that I be very aware of time and date and day basically at all times. To get my son to school, me to work and sometimes I follow up with my husband on his schedule. For example last Friday my husband was away and my son had to be at school 11 miles away by 7:50am for an extremely important final exam. And I had to send him in an uber This was before I started my work day. This kind of thing is more or less typical in my daily life and if I messed up in any way that would have affected his taking the exam/grades in high school. For example. Obviously I could have chosen had I been reallllly laid back and not into this routine and schedule- to home school, or have him miss the exam etc so sure part of my choices are consistent with type A (and with my values about school/work ethic/grades/etc) - but mostly it's typical of a parent who has a spouse who travels plus works outside the home and/or has other volunteer work or time sensitive responsibilities. I would have been very worried about you too if I were your coworker - but my sense is this was so unlike you and that is why.

Thanks so much! I did relate to her a lot! And I did approach Mikhail B- recognized him on the flight and couldn't resist. He was displeased that I did. I kept it short. I did not want a man who wanted to be "dominant" - I did want a man with reasonable confidence and assertiveness -and because I was a professional who dated men who mostly were professionals- those traits to me are really important to advance in most workplaces -they were in my career. I agree with Cherylyn that dominant is not the right way to describe it.

Oh! So it’s NOT true at ALL but many times I was told I looked like her. I do not think so. And not anymore. I guess I’m most like Charlotte as opposing to Miranda. My ex’s sister was college classmates with her and she didn’t feel comfortable getting back in touch when the show was on. You know too - groupie. So we didn’t meet. But I did meet Chris Noth once. I am not like him and don’t look like him. And Mikhail Baryshnikov who I sort of ambushed on a flight. No sparks with either lol

Also depends on how clock/date/day driven you are. Mine is to the hilt with all the multiple schedules and reminders in my phone. And my alarm is set one hour later on weekends. It is different when we travel especially internationally but then it typically doesn’t matter what day it is. No I wouldn’t worry about one time.

I used to be able to function on less than 5 hours over periods of time in my teens-30s but yes I think it took a toll on you. I was in your situation especially when I was mom to a baby and it was extremely hard on my physical and mental health in my early 40s. I didn't have a phone till I was 42 and no smartphone until I was 48. Those devices flash the date basically and I look at my phone pretty much first thing. Also my routine is to work out where there is a TV and often I'm watching news so again -the date. Yes momentarily I can forget for sure - and definitely days of the work week but given my routines and life -definitely not with weekdays vs. weekend. Especially with my son's school schedule which I am significantly involved in. It's been many years since I had no alarm set especially on a weekday but for sure -temporary confusion yes. I think it's just one of those random things - and a sign that you really do need more sleep IMHO.

To me personally it was total reality - I almost settled a couple of times- one of several reasons I know I didn't is because we had that spark and still have it -it can morph/change/even fade at times but what Carrie said is what I genuinely felt and trying to justify settling without it did me no good -nothing to do with society or pressure- just from the heart. There are many shoulds or trends I don't agree with like you have to be like "when you know you know" or that marriage should be blissful or that a man should sweep the woman off her feet or "chase". But this is just me -I know and know of a number of women especially who settled with eyes wide open -their expectations and goals were consistent with finding a good enough husband who ticked all the boxes including opportunity for a baby. I also know of women who mostly enjoyed the thrill of the chase/unavailable men so their insistence on a spark was really a spark fueled by unavailability -not the actual person.

As Carrie referred to it in Sex and The City I think the za za za zoom is essential. Or at least the memory of it that can be conjured up. It’s a bit of the glue that helps keep couples together when needed.

Good. I'd respond only if you're interested in setting up another time to have sex.

No need to be confused. Confused is too much work for a sex partner. And confused might lead to practical issues -like if it's confusing to share basic information imagine if your period is late. People are individuals. Watch Pretty Woman - old movie to you I guess. Julia Roberts plays an escort/prostitute and explains her particular rules and boundaries. When you meet up for sex you want to have sex. You are not concerned about your health to the extent of asking about potential STD exposure and you are not concerned about what woulld happen if you get pregnant -those are risks you have chosen to take. Other people are concerned. Other people get more out of a sexual act with conversation included and others don't want to kiss their sex partner. The only rules to me are- no forcing someone else to have sex, sharing if there is an STD and both people being honest that they are single.

Yes either way unavailable

Many things are easier to say than do. It's -adulting. Life. You don't need to do all those things. Make it real simple. Live your daily life. Nothing new needed. Daily routine, daily work, daily workout or whenever you move your body or however you move your body. No need for new hobbies. Yes you have to discipline yourself not to check up on her. Many people each day including me have to restrain ourselves from doing X or make sure we do Y even if we really don't want to. Even if there is instant gratification (followed by huge downside) from doing X when we shouldn't. Keep it simple -overthinking and doing all of this -wow I have to Move On and Work at it and what new hobby am I going to try today -let's see. Nope. Live your life and use the common sense basic adult tools you use every day for stuff that requires restraint/discipline.