The Narcissist's 6-Month Cycles

The Enigmatic Nature of Narcissism

It's no surprise that narcissists, with their perplexing behaviors and captivating charm, often leave individuals dumbfounded and at a loss. But what's truly baffling is the cyclic nature of their behaviors. Why does it seem as though every six months, like clockwork, there's a shift? An about-face? A drastic change? This article dives deep into these rhythmic patterns, dissecting the mystifying 6-month cycles of the narcissist and how they play out in relationships.

While the term 'narcissism' might be casually thrown around in everyday conversations, referring to anyone who seems a tad too self-involved, true narcissism is more intricate and perplexing. Rooted in a mix of genetic predisposition, upbringing, and environmental factors, narcissistic behaviors aren't merely a façade; they're an intricate dance of defense mechanisms, desires, and fears.

By understanding these behaviors and their cycles, we stand a better chance of navigating relationships with narcissists, be they familial, romantic, or platonic. This isn't about demonizing them but rather gaining insight into a complex psychological pattern.

The Science Behind the 6-Month Cycles

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a diagnosable condition. It's a complex spectrum disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a craving for admiration, and a lack of empathy. But the six-month cycle is a pattern observed, though not yet fully understood by experts.

Several research studies have attempted to decipher the rhythmic patterns in narcissistic behaviors. One theory posits that this cycle is linked to the typical duration of infatuation in relationships. As per Psychological Science, the initial passionate phase of love, marked by an intense longing and passion, lasts about six months. For narcissists, once the infatuation subsides, their behavior changes dramatically.

Another theory suggests that this cycle could be tied to external events and pressures, especially if they happen biannually. For instance, someone who experiences regular job evaluations or project deadlines every six months might manifest heightened narcissistic tendencies during these periods.

Regardless of the reason, the key is to recognize and anticipate these patterns to deal with them effectively.

1. The Idealization Phase: Lovebombing and Adoration

This phase is marked by excessive attention, praise, and adoration. It's almost as if the narcissist can't get enough of their partner or friend. Lovebombing is a common tactic where the narcissist showers their potential partner with affection, gifts, and compliments to win them over. It's intoxicating, making the person feel unique and cherished.

The reason behind this might be two-fold. First, the narcissist is genuinely infatuated. They're drawn to the novelty and excitement of a new relationship. Secondly, it's also a strategy. By making the other person reliant on their affection and validation, the narcissist ensures that they're in control.

This phase is not just limited to romantic relationships. Even in friendships or work environments, a narcissist may go above and beyond to win someone's trust and admiration.

2. The Devaluation Phase: The Tides Begin to Turn

Once the initial euphoria wears off, cracks begin to show. The narcissist starts to find faults, nitpick, and criticize. These criticisms can range from mild jabs to full-blown character assassinations. It's as if the very traits they adored now irk them.

This phase is incredibly confusing for the recipient. What changed? Wasn't everything perfect just a while ago? The devaluation isn't about the partner's flaws; it's about the narcissist's internal struggles. They fear abandonment and, paradoxically, start creating circumstances where abandonment is likely.

The intent isn't always conscious. Many narcissists might not even realize they're doing it. It's a deeply ingrained behavioral pattern that stems from past traumas and fears.

3. The Discard Phase: Cold and Distant

Arguably the most painful phase, the discard phase sees the narcissist pulling away. They become cold, distant, and unavailable. It's a sharp contrast to the lovebombing phase. The person on the receiving end often feels rejected, confused, and heartbroken.

This phase doesn't necessarily mean a breakup. It could be emotional withdrawal, where the narcissist becomes emotionally unavailable and distant. The reasons for this phase are myriad. Perhaps the narcissist has found a new source of narcissistic supply, or perhaps they're retreating due to fear of genuine intimacy.

Understanding this phase is crucial. Recognizing it for what it is — a manifestation of the narcissist's internal struggles rather than a reflection of one's inadequacy — can be healing.

4. The Hoovering Phase: Drawing You Back In

The term 'hoovering' is derived from the famous brand of vacuum cleaners, aptly describing the narcissist's attempts to suck the person back into their web. After a period of coldness and distance, the narcissist might suddenly return with apologies, gifts, and affection, reminiscent of the idealization phase.

This can be incredibly confusing for the individual on the receiving end. The sudden warmth after a cold spell can reignite hope. The narcissist might make promises of change, speak of their realization, and draw upon shared memories to rekindle the relationship.

However, the underlying motives aren't always pure. Hoovering can sometimes be about regaining control, especially if they sense their partner pulling away. It's also about securing their narcissistic supply – the admiration, attention, and validation they derive from their relationships.

While it's tempting to believe in their promises and return to the euphoria of the idealization phase, it's crucial to approach such situations with caution. Recognizing the pattern is the first step towards breaking it.

5. The Period of Reflection (or Stasis): The Calm Before the Next Storm?

This is the phase that often goes unnoticed but is as crucial as the others. After the intense cycles of idealization, devaluation, discard, and hoovering, there's a lull. This period of reflection or stasis is marked by a seeming 'normalcy'. Things seem stable, but under the surface, the narcissist might be processing, reflecting, and even strategizing their next move.

For those involved with the narcissist, this phase offers a breather. It's a time of relative peace and can be misleadingly comforting. However, it's essential to remember that unless the narcissist seeks therapy and genuinely works on their behavioral patterns, the cycle is likely to repeat itself.

Understanding this phase is vital for self-preservation. It offers a chance to reassess the relationship, seek therapy, or gather the strength and resources needed for potential future cycles.

Conclusion: Navigating the Narcissistic Whirlwind

Narcissism is not just about a bloated ego or an inflated sense of self-worth. It's a complex, multifaceted behavioral pattern that can leave a trail of confusion, hurt, and chaos in its wake. Recognizing the 6-month cycles can be an eye-opener, offering a map to navigate the perplexing maze of a relationship with a narcissist.

However, it's essential to approach this with empathy and understanding. Many narcissists have endured traumas and wounds that have shaped their behavior. This doesn't excuse their actions but offers a perspective. For those involved with narcissists, self-care, therapy, and establishing boundaries are crucial. Knowledge is power, and understanding the 6-month cycle is a step towards empowerment.

Resources:

• Narcissism: Behind the Mask by David Thomas
• Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad — and Surprising Good — About Feeling Special by Dr. Craig Malkin
• Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T. Behary LCSW