Straddling the Line of Acceptability: A Question of Odd Behavior

The capacity to understand what is acceptable behavior and what is inappropriate can be relatively straightforward in some cases yet satisfyingly complex in others. It can be difficult to draw a distinct, black-and-white line between what is accepted as normal, and what society collectively agrees is too far over the mark.

In this particular situation, a person is faced with a tricky social dilemma. On the surface, there may seem to be no wrong answer, however it must be digested with careful consideration. This person is surrounded by a social circle that frequently sets up privileged, exclusive clubs for their members. To join the club, one must accept a certain criteria, along with its associated behaviors. The individual in question was invited to join such a group, but was then subsequently rejected based on the disliking of their personality.

It would be understandable if the individual in question felt hurt or designated as 'not one of us' due to the rejection. It's even possible they felt abandoned when the club membership invitations were withdrawn. These feelings of hurt might be especially difficult if their peers labeled the individual unacceptable or perhaps even inappropriate.

At this point, the advice-seeker needs to ask themselves two important questions… First, do I accept other humans as inherently valuable, and secondly does my opinion matter? In this case, it's important to separate personal judgments of friends from core values. To find the answers, it is necessary to examine if the person's feelings of not belonging are genuine or perceived.

On the one hand, the individual may feel legitimately wronged. There is no doubt that the cutting of the exclusive club ties hurt, and that it left a feeling of being undesired or less-than. It could indicate a lack of respect from the peers present. On the other hand, the individual might simply regret not being included, bringing feelings of exclusion into play that may not be deserved. It's possible the invitation was only withdrawn as a kindness.

There is also the question of whether the individual in question should pursue a place within the group or consider it a closed chapter and move on. This is an important juncture, as it can greatly dictate how the individual perceives themselves in the future. Although it can be difficult to force oneself into an already established group, by doing so the individual may gain recognition, validation and even a sense of belonging.

Yet, the individual should also consider if they are merely trying to 'fit in', or they instead wish to be accepted despite their differences. If the individual genuinely values their uniqueness, it may be best to not compromise their individuality in order to belong. In this case, it may be beneficial for the individual to proudly stand out from the crowd, since trying to fit in could potentially cause them to repress their own personality. Additionally, the individual should ask themselves why they need approval from the group in the first place.

There is a powerful message in standing up for who you truly are, finally learning to accept yourself. As long as the individual receives the validation of those closest to them, such as family and friends, the approval of certain groups might not be as important. While it may not always be easy, finding comfort in being asked to leave the clique is a bold expression of self-confidence and is something to be respected in itself. It can be a way of looking at the glass as half full.

This position of straddling between acceptance and exclusion can offer an intense and enriching learning experience. It presents the perfect platform to question and evaluate the parameters of what is socially accepted, and to ponder the importance of approval versus approval. It is a moment to remember how powerful it is to be true to ones self, within the often confusing context of clinical approval.

So, at the end of it all, it is an internal journey which must be taken in order to reach a conclusion. To look within and make sure that the individual is treating themselves with respect, and to ensure that the negative feelings brought forth by rejection do not get the better of them. Nowhere is it written that we must please everybody or find a place in every club, or that people must judge us solely based on conventional standards of acceptability. it is our own values that will determine how we feel.