How Can I Overcome My Feelings of Loneliness and Shyness?

Dear eNotAlone: I'm feeling really lonely and shy, I feel like I have no friends and no one to talk to; I am even afraid to start conversations because I don't know what to say. I feel like my self-esteem is too low and no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to shake these feelings. What should I do?

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If you're feeling lonely and shy, you're definitely not alone. Many people feel the same way due to various reasons such as living in a new place, having difficulty building new friendships, or struggling with low self esteem. Thankfully, there are many steps you can take to overcome these kinds of feelings.

The first step to overcoming loneliness and shyness is to recognize the potential causes of these feelings. If it's due to a change in settings, like moving to a new city, it can be helpful to think about how you can meet new people or make new connections. If you're feeling isolated because of a lack of existing friendships in your life, it's important to spend time reflecting on why that might be the case and what you can do to make more meaningful connections. On the other hand, if you are facing low self-esteem, it's essential to recognize that this can be a strong contributor to feelings of loneliness and shyness.

Once you understand the root of your feelings, there are many ways to start building new relationships. A great first step is to look for activities or events within your community where you can meet like minded individuals with similar interests. Whether signing up for a yoga class, joining a book club, or attending an art opening, you can use these opportunities as an effective way to introduce yourself to others without relying heavily on conversation.

If you feel like you need extra practice starting conversations, social media can be a great tool. While it can be tempting to hide behind your screen, try to use it as a way to warm up to conversations with new people. Start with simple messages like "Hi - how are you?" and gradually build on them over time. It can also be helpful to start with people that you know in real life by messaging them and asking how they're doing when you don't see each other often. From there, you can start to reach out to other acquaintances so that you're more comfortable conversing with someone new in person.

It may also be beneficial to practice mindfulness activities, like mediation and journaling, as a way to ease your feelings of loneliness and shyness. Journaling can act as an outlet to express certain feelings and reflecting on them can help you gain more clarity and insight into your emotions. In addition, research has shown that participating in regular physical activities like exercise or walking can help lift your mood and build self-confidence.

Seek professional help as needed. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by loneliness or feeling constantly anxious or sad, it can be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor. Doing so can provide you with the necessary resources to begin challenging your fears head-on.

Remember that loneliness and shyness are common and normal emotions that many people feel. Taking the time to recognize them, build your confidence, and explore helpful ways to make meaningful connections can help you start to manage your feelings.