How a Stepdad Can Help His Addicted Stepson

When a 30-year-old son's life spirals out of control due to addiction, the single father may feel helpless and overwhelmed. If he's also a stepfather, navigating this situation becomes even more challenging, especially since stepchildren can often be more emotionally connected to their natural fathers than stepdads. Despite this difficult and emotionally taxing situation, there are some supportive actions stepdads can take to help the addicted stepson.

First and foremost, it's important for stepdads to remember they are not to blame when their stepson struggles with addiction. Even if he's grown into adulthood and no longer lives in the home, the stepfather probably didn't cause the addiction; it's likely been steeping in the family dynamics for many years. To that end, he should have compassion for the stepson and understand that the feelings of anger and disappointment that arise when learning about an adult child's struggles with addiction are typical and perfectly healthy. After allowing himself adequate time to process his emotions, the stepfather should use those feelings as an impetus to provide a supporting role in helping his veteran-son get clean.

It's important for the stepdad to become educated on addiction, understand it as a disease (not a sign of weak moral character or an insult to him personally), and then communicate that greater understanding to his spouse — particularly if the child's mother is in denial or enabling. Equipped with knowledge, the stepdad will be better prepared to guide his partner in the right direction during this trying time.

The next step is to contact medical professionals who specialize in addiction and other mental illness — psychiatrists, addiction specialists, social workers and rehab facilities. Once armed with the resources necessary for successful treatment and recovery, the stepfather can offer practical assistance in finding and scheduling the best addiction clinic available for his son. He can also offer financial or logistic assistance if needed, such as driving the son to their appointments or finding a job.

By doing these things, the stepfather isn't enabling; he's helping his veteran-son restore balance in his life through comprehensive treatment. An added bonus is that in providing support, the man may start to view his addicted stepson in a more positive light and experience better results with their relationship. Perhaps more importantly, by understanding and learning more about addiction, the stepdad might be able to reach out in understanding should other issues arise in his own family down the line.

Of course, that doesn't mean supporting an addicted adult child is easy; it takes patience — something very few of us have in bountiful amounts. It also takes commitment, ingenuity, smart decision-making and courage. Any father would be hard-pressed to make these choices without immense love and strength for both himself and his son — inner qualities an excellent stepdad never fails to possess.