Batya33

Yes you're very lucky then!

You're extremely fortunate if her behavior is the worst you've encountered professionally and that you typically don't even encounter unpleasant behavior. And you're leaving so -even better! I wouldn't burn bridges though - it's a small world and I know you're not planning to!

But it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t want to be with you. If he’s been stolen he is apparently comfortable with being stolen. Or uncomfortable but - he doesn’t want to be with you. Nothing else is relevant

Again it’s irrelevant. All you need to know is he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

Glad you have therapy . I’d avoid friendship since you can’t be her true friend given your feelings.

I’d respond no more. Have a friend or family member contact her for business reasons - the deposit.

I’m sorry you’re upset and I’m glad she ended things in a polite way.

You don’t have to accept it emotionally. You feel what you feel. But you do have to on a practical level. So yes go through the motions of ending contact. Analyzing the why is a waste of time. You can make up all the excuses you like and the reality is he wants to be with this person and doesn’t want a relationship with you. Even if he decides in the future to contact you and say he made a big mistake I’d proceed with extreme caution. If at all.

Why do you need to respond at all?

I agree with Bolt and Catfeeder. And my own separate take -she's - ridiculous. Especially for a newbie. I mean we all know of those long term employees who keep the supply closet or the mailroom organized in their specific way and heaven help if you dare venture in their and swipe the coveted (fill in size/color) postits without permission from them. I do their bidding -follow the rules - they deserve to be whatever you call it -quirky, micromanaging -they've proven their worth by keeping us in office supplies (that's not snarky -I mean it). Steer clear of Ms. Firecracker and keep your Starbucks run -if you still go- to impersonal pleasantries.

I'm glad you're feeling better.

I'm 57. Highly ambitious -so is my husband. We've both had successful careers and after 5 years in an insanely high paying career - very similar to your high paying industry - he switched to a lower paying field that is also very prestigious - but not lower paying in any dramatic way meaning if needed he can be the primary provider with no issues. I am thrilled he switched -he followed his passion and he's highly ambitious. I switched after 15 years to a career as a full time mom -meaning - zero pay -and I was very ambitious at it in the 7 years I did it and never returned to the intense, competitive, crazy hours high paying career -I was 50 when I returned to my former career but in a part time capacity. My point is I'd look more at his values and his drive to determine ambition. It sounds like what you mean by ambition is a desire to advance in order to make the big $$$. That is not him -not now and assume -not ever- I know of one couple where she told him -I'm not marrying a classroom teacher (this was in the 1960s) so he became a doctor despite his love of teaching. Made a lot of $$. For them it worked -they've been married oh 60 years or so - but I think it's rare that a person will change their whole career trajectory as an adult especially in order to conform to your notion of "ambition" meaning -mostly the salary. He might -but he'll be miserable don't you think? Now is the time to decide your musts -and it's ok if others might find it "shallow" etc - my take on you is you like your high flying $$$$ career but at some point want to be able to be a full time mom with a husband who makes enough so even if you don't sock away $ now it's ok, I socked away $$ for 11 years while I was single (after I paid off my grad school loans) in case I married someone who couldn't be the sole provider - because I knew I wanted to be home much longer than maternity leave. So it wasn't needed but I enjoyed contributing to the household income from my nest egg and obviously it's good as a woman to have that nest egg just in case. Those are my thoughts. IMHO!!

Go to activities or do volunteer work where mingling with people is part of the activity or work. Like volunteering backstage at community theater. Your friends are not required to help you find a romantic partner and if they don't know anyone that's the reality but if you do an activity that involves other single people you might meet men and women who are interested in introducing you to their friends, and so on. You have to be out there to meet people. Then no cold approach is needed.

Good point about the sponge -yes she might be more on the rude side than I thought.

Why do you think he's not ambitious? Because of his salary (educational administration typically pays less than private finance) or because he doesn't want to move up within his organization? Is he passionate about stuff outside of work -activities or volunteer work? I'd assume that yes you would be the primary breadwinner and if that is not ok with you in a dealbreaker sense I'd end it now. Also why is it bothering you now but didn't bother you a year ago or even 6 months ago?