should we just end it now?

[kristen719]

my boyfriend and i have been together for about 2 years now. it's been long distance between austin and houston the entire time because i'm in school, but i drive there just about every weekend to see him. i found out just before new years eve that he had been having doubts about us for the previous 6 months and was considering breaking up with me. he had shut himself out emotionally for that period of time, and it was like dating a robot. i, of course, left him first when i found all of this out and was very hurt by some of the things he had said to other people about me. then, days later, he told me he DIDN'T want to break up; that he was just afraid of committing to the wrong person and wasting both our time. he said that on paper i was the perfect woman for him but that his gut was telling him otherwise. he was confused about what he wanted and was overanalyzing everything.

 

hearing all of this hurt because i was so certain from day one that he was the one. this was, by far, the greatest relationship i had ever been in. he is such a great guy. well, we ended up staying together, and then about a month later it seemed like he was finding insignificant reasons to bring doubt into our relationship again; things most people wouldn't even see as a problem. he said some not-so-nice things that were totally ridiculous and i left him again.

 

it's been a roller coaster ride. now he's been blowing up my cell phone and flooding my inbox with love notes the past couple of weeks asking for forgiveness, saying that he now realizes what he had and doesn't think he can live without me. he suddenly wanted to talk about marriage and kids and the future as an US instead of just from his selfish views/expectations. i became virtually numb to his words because i was almost being protective of myself and wondering if he really would be a changed person if i gave him/us another chance.

 

the thing is, i rebounded with a friend of mine this past weekend and told my ex about it because i don't hide things from him. although we were broken up and i've obviously had a hard time with all of these random surges of emotions, he is devastated. he is treating me like i cheated on him when all i wanted was to feel that connection with a human being that i hadn't felt with him in a long time. although i regret it, i think it took that rebound for me to realize that i'm not ready to move on yet; that i still want to be with my ex. if it never happened i might still be unsure if i could ever be with him again. i just don't want to get hurt or emotionally shut out again. he says he doesn't know if he can get past the idea of me trying to move on so soon, but to me it felt like he left me 6 months ago. i love him to death though, and i know that i am willing to give him another shot. problem is, he doesn't think he can get past me sleeping with someone else so soon after breaking up.

 

any advice for BOTH of us? he's confused now too and doesn't know if he can take me back. should i even want to go back? this is so frustrating!!!!! ](*,)

[lovesickkk]

honestly, its hard to forget and forgive something like that, things will never be the same, its better to just walk away.....seems like too much damage has been done...

[melrich]

To me it seems that the honeymoon is over. I have a feeling reading your post that the relationship is over but each of you is scared to totally let go.

 

From what you have posted, I'd be surprised if you could get this back on track, particularly with the associated distance. I'd let it go.

[kristen719]

it's so much easier said than done though. i was planning on moving back to austin this summer anyway to finish up school there (i used to live there and hate the new staff at my current school). is this really just an impossible situation? i can't even imagine not having him in my life ever.

[melrich]

It's not impossible but I just get the sense that the relationship has sort of come to a natural finale. I mean he was questioning the whole thing before you broke up. Then you have since been with someone else etc etc.

 

If you BOTH want to make it work, no doubt you can do it but you have to really ask if that is what you both want.