My Situation

[number5]

This was a post I made a week ago on another forum...

 

 

 

Since that time, I've been giving myself space from her and I'm trying to hold to NC after talking to her about her mixed signals, which she claims "I was just having fun, or I was NOT flirting with you." Yeah, grabbing me on my gluteus maximus in a bar is not flirting and then proceeding to dance with me and make out? The problem is: her friends have all left, and the only people she's really hung out with the past year have been my friends, so suffice to say, we have mutual friends. She also doesn't like her job and she feels like she is wasting her time at her current place. She put off a lot of confusing signals, I'm just afraid of getting used, ya know?

 

She stills plans little get togethers and events with my friends, and so I'm at a loss to how to give us space to get over this? I don't want to stop hanging out with my friends, and I do want to eventually be normal around her.

[friscodj]

Hey #5-

 

It sounds to me like she does not give one dam about how her actions are affecting you. She is just "having fun" and in my experience, this often equates to being irresponsible on one or more levels...and it is happening here with you and your feelings. This fits perfectly with her mixed signals, display of possessiveness and feelings of jealousy you describe above in your quote. Don't be afraid of being used because you already are...

 

In short..she has you by the balls and she knows it. The thing is, if you take your sack back, she won't like it very much and there will be repercussions first felt on your vulnerable heart with same tactics of control that she has shown you and then heard miles away when she gets angry that she isn't getting exactly what she wants when and how she wants it. Expect it...

 

So it is very clear to me that you should take your balls back and stay away from her and her tactics of manipulation. The question is, how do you do that given the common circle of friends here?

 

That's a little tougher, especially given your vulnerable emotional state right now and the imbalance of control between you two. I think you're going to figure the nuances of this one out on your own. You'll figure out how to be around her and your friends, but block her out. You'll figure out how to keep your interactions with her necessary and as short as possible without telling her anything. Then you'll figure out how to deal with the backlash when she doesn't get what she wants from you anymore.

 

I've been in situation like the one you describe and I followed up on and "being normal" around each other is going to take a lot of time. Expect that too and remember there is no need to rush back into the vice here...