Is it all about trust?

[pale]

I've been seeing this wonderful guy for 3 months now. After ending a hell awful and mistrusting 11 year relationship 8 months ago and a few in between, this relationship and him are the best thing thats happened to me. I've fallen in love with him and he cares deeply for me. I know its too soon for him to know if he's in love with me but I think i'm not helping by having insecurties about trust. I do trust in him and believe when he says he'd never cheat on me or hurt me but I can't help but get upset that he is still good friends with some of his ex's. How do I get over this???I don't want my last relationship to ruin this. I know its going to ruin things if I can't show him I trust him. What do i do??????? And how can i tell if he's falling for me?? What signs do i look for??

[baby_innocence]

It's normal. After a long relationship it's normal for you to be hesitant, and worried about him being friends with his ex, but in order for you to fix this problem with yourself, you'll need to talk to him about it. You'll need to tell him how you feel, explain to him what makes you feel this way, and maybe ask him yourself what he thinks should be done.

 

I cant tell you hints on ways he maybe falling in love with you because people fall in love differently. If you want a forward answer if he is falling in love with you, and how, ask him yourself. remember words just arent enough sometimes.

 

You should trust him, but dont trust him that much. Dont pour yourself out to him, and dont expose yourself to him until you know you're ready to go through the process again. Talk to him about your relationship, and get things out in the open. Relationships also include communication, not just trust, so keep that in mind. Good luck!

[sabena]

Hello...and I can understand fully with how you are feeling right now. Like yourself I too had a relationship that involved a guy cheating on me and I brought the insecurities of that relationship into the one that I am in now. My present bf of 11 months is on very good terms with a couple of his ex's and has many many female friends (as my previous posts will show). Because of this I just could not understand that he could be friends with them and not be sleeping with them. This lead to extreme insecurities, me asking him if he liked me, wanted me, loved me etc....and I became jealous and then we parted for a few weeks.

 

What the break showed me that the thing that I had been worrying about for 10 months (breaking up) didn't kill me, yes it made me very sad but it didn't kill me and in fact made me stronger...we are now back and much better than before. He still speaks with his ex's but now that I know I can survive without him the relationship is hugely less anxious and tense and we just enjoy it.

 

I think you need to learn that you are worthwhile and can be loved and that you love and like yourself. You need to learn, like me, that not every is the same or acts the same. You need to face these worries and thereforeeeee the next time he talks about or to his ex's ask him to invite them round for dinner and face the fears that you are worried about...this is exactly what I have done and still am doing and although I was terrified of it at first, the more I am exposed to these girls or worries the less scary they are and the more confident I am.

 

But it is hard, you have been in a long long relationship that hurt you and I do think you need to explain this to your present bf in order that he understands what you are going through. But, remember for 8 months you lived and survived without your present bf and you can do it again if you needed to. His love and companionship are a bonus not a need and as soon as you realise that love is a bonus and that you are not dependent upon it to live the more confident and self assured you will be.

 

tc

[Amberfire]

Dearest Pale,

It is ALL about trust, honesty and communication.Your last relationship won't ruin a thing if you don't let it. Thank that relationship for what it's taught you and move on to this new one and things will be different.

Hmmm in with the ex's eh, well all I can say is openly communicate to him in confidence that you are okay with it. But always be on guard. I mean he does have the right to be friends with ex's. Don't associate your insecurities with this guy because you'll just bring in your last relationship and have a neuro-association. Just be in the moment, you can just learn from the past, to never make the same mistakes and get into a pattern. Life is all about taking risks, because if we didn't we'd never get any where. Again don't let the past get in the way, it won't ruin it if YOU won't let it. You have the power to control how things go. Be the person you'd want to be with. Trust in yourself first before you gain trust in him.

 

Be Well,

Amberfire