What have I done?!

[SadOldMan]

Just been talking to my sister. She's of the opinion that my ex had thought about leaving for quite a long time and only chose to tell me after xmas. I think she might be right. 2 days of NC. Jeez

[SadOldMan]

I think I'm starting to 'get real' about everything now.

Sat here tonight, thinking about the past year, me distancing myself etc.

I had started to feel resentment towards her. I teach adults. She hated it that there were women on the course. She assumed I fancied them all. I used to just laugh.

Then there's my music. I've always enjoyed listening to music. She would come into the room and say "would you turn that * * * * off/down!?" I ended up hardly listening to anything, and when I did, it was with the headphones on.

Weird how I'd 'forgotten' about some of this stuff in the raw beginnings. blog over

[SadOldMan]

Today, I have a day off work. Will be able to get some jobs done. Tidying up, a spot of paint stripping (oh joy! I hear someone trying the front door. Then a knock. I answer and she's stood there. I felt quite annoyed. "You knew I had today off". "I forgot" she said. Heart's beating so fast now

[Pisces_Princess]

Hi Sad,

 

No need to apologise to me. The one thing many of us here have in common is that we are all going through or have been through what you are facing now.

 

How are you today?

[SadOldMan]

Pisces_Princess: Kept myself busy. Cleaned the bathroom and all the cupboards in the kitchen. Bagged up all her shoes and coats. She won't be here to do it so I thought I'd help her out ;-)

I'm feeling a little angry I guess. Not steaming or anything, just a little annoyed with her for turning up this morning. She only stayed 5 minutes. We didn't speak. I'm extremely confused with how my mind, heart and body is handling it. These forums sure are great to read. They've helped me immensely. I thank everyone of you

[SadOldMan]

And she's just done it again! Turned up at 6pm. Goes in the small living room, has a couple of ciggies. I ask her what's she doing and she shouts "It's my house too!". So, being annoyed, I say "thanks for thinking about my feelings". She gets some stuff and slams the front door.

[SadOldMan]

Having a really bad day. After Wednesday, there has been no contact between us. I have been to see my dad, and on the way back, I see her car. She'd been to the house to pick up some more of her stuff. My heart was pounding that fast, I was scared to look at her as she drove by. Feel so childish.

Having had time to think about the past year and also talking it over with family and friends, I have backed off on the idea it was 90% my fault.

Last year, my son from a previous got kicked out of the house by his mum and step-dad. He longer wanted to follow their faith. I took him in as he had nowhere else to go. My ex hated him being in the house. She took holidays away so she wouldn't have to be in the house with him during school breaks (she works term time only). I was piggy in the middle. I couldn't win. Now, other issues , that I had put to one side have been spoken about. I have been told there was nothing I could have done to avert what is happening now.

Doesn't take the pain away. We're like strangers now. I find that really hard to come to terms with.

I'll continue to get the house ready for sale and see what life brings after that.

[SadOldMan]

Just received a text from her. "I know you're having a hard time at the minute but I can't believe you're making me stay here!". That's in reference to her staying at her parents. I don't get it.