Not sure how I feel

[avey_girl]

I've been dating this guy for about a month now... and things are going well. He treats me well and we get along great. However... when he asked me out, the first thought that went through my head was... fear... but I still said yes because I was attracted to him. I think what scared me the most was getting into another relationship again... since my ex dumped me just half a year ago.... and we were together for 4 years (we are not on talking terms)... and I really did not want to get hurt again.

I do notice that I am a lot more hesitant in opening up this time around... and I don't discuss my feelings/problems quite readily with my new boyfriend. However, I don't think he realizes that... since we are still in the process of getting to know one another. I'm really, really scared to get hurt again... and I feel that is not being fair... so should I just end things right now.. and sort my own problems first?

[dnozzle]

If you have not let go of the pain of the past relationship, then yes, you should not be in a new relatinship yet. You just are not ready. I would tell this guy the situation, and tell him that because you are not over your pain, you are not emotionally available to him right now. Best to get that done as soon as possible too.

 

I have heard it said that it takes half the time you spent with someone to get over them. I am not sure that I agree with that completely, but it does take time to move on. Once you have let go of that past pain, you will be ready to try again, and will not have the apprehension you have now about it. But if you jump into something when you are not ready, you run the risk of having a rebound relationship that only puts a bandaid on your bruised heart, but never allows it to really heal.

 

I just got out of a relationship exactly like that, and it lasted a whole year. We were planning a future together, and had just met each other's parents when she started to freak out and realized she wasn't really ready for an emotional commitment. It would have been a LOT easier for me to deal with this after the first month rather than an entire year later.