What's my issue?

[soni]

Hey guys and girls,

 

This is the first time I am doing this, so bear with me!

 

I was introduced to this site on a friday night...while drunk and babbling on to someone I had just met. I have to say after having a look around I'm quite glad I am here...and THANKYOU to the STAR who listened to me..I hope you do pick this up...sorry if i got annoying!

 

Im abit puzzled about where to start...so i'll keep this short!

 

Ok...here goes....I dont think I have enough confidence in myself...and it holds me back..I need this extra push to get me out there.....so how do I go about it?

 

And I suppose sometimes I spend alot of my time thinking about what I am doing than actually living my life. Which in turn..leads to me constantly questioning/analysing myself...

 

Tell me i'm not the only one and I dont sound like a complete weirdo! Please!

[doyathink]

Hello, welcome

 

So what is it about yourself that you don't feel confident with?

[terk2021]

Confidence is an interseting subject. Some people can be the most confident in work, or school, or sport, or whatever it is they do on their own. Others are confident at the challenge or opportunity to go up to someone of the opposite sex and introduce themselves. Some have it in both, some have it in none.

 

I would see the key to confidence is not being afraid to fail. If someone or something rejects you for being yourself and going after what you wanted, then failure should not lead to a lack of confidence.

 

Now, sometimes, when you get what you want, and lose it, and that leads to a lack of confidence, that's a different story. That's the boat I am in, and trying to get out of. That's self esteem and a totally different story.

 

Just live your life and go after the things you want with confidence and just have a plan in place to get what you want. But remember, there is a difference between confidence and arrogance...

[soni]

Thank you!

 

thats a good question actually....and I find it very difficult to pin point....i suppose....in the way I communicate with people and what opinion they form of me. Im very conscious of myself...and often watch how people react to what I say and how i behave...and probably become more introverted because of it.

 

I think part of the way I feel is contributed to by the fact that I had a major break up awhile ago(2 yrs, shouldnt let it effect me, I know)...I was with that person for about 5 yrs and felt so let down by him. Tho im over it, i think I probably do let it affect how I feel about myself.

 

I dont understand how you couldnt be afraid to fail, admittedly that would be the advice I would give someone else, but on the other hand....

 

I sound very confused dont i?

[doyathink]

Maybe you worry too much of what others think of you rather than just being yourself. You have to be comfortable in your own skin.

[terk2021]

Thank you!

 

I think part of the way I feel is contributed to by the fact that I had a major break up awhile ago(2 yrs, shouldnt let it effect me, I know)...I was with that person for about 5 yrs and felt so let down by him. Tho im over it, i think I probably do let it affect how I feel about myself.

 

 

I know how you feel from that side of it. My confidence was shattered after my last 2 relationships. It takes time to get it back. Even the way my last relationship ended was 10 times worse then the one before it, I remembered that after 6 months of shutting myself off from the world, I got over it, and met the one that has me in this state now...

 

You sound like an intelligent person. Spend some time and write down the things that you are good at, the thngs you want to be good at. Confidence comes from not only feeling good about what you are doing, but being happy about it too.

 

Remember back in your life before the relationship started. Think back to what kind of person you were then. Cheers.

[madcar52]

Hi soni,

 

I do the exact same thing...over anaylze everything trying to understand...recently it has really begun to bother me because it holds me back from what I really want to do or say. I spend so much time trying to get it just right in my head...which of course never comes!

 

Here's some thoughts I have had...maybe you will find they hit a chord with you...I tend to have a need to control a situation..outcome. I can not consciously tell you it's because I am afraid of failing...but maybe. What I have figured out that all this thinking leaves me feelings drained...and frustrated with myself. After much thought I don't really think it's a confidence thing for me so much as need to know how things are going to work out....will I get hurt or not. And always questioning people's intentions..ya know. I read in to everything!!!!

 

Just this past week, I have decided to really try and change my thought patterns. Everyday I actually say out load to myself STOP when my mind goes into hight gear...I focus more on other people then thinking about myself and my own thoughts. It's only been about a week...but I find it's helping.

Being aware of what your feeling and writing it here is for sure a good first step to figuring it out and changing things up so you feel better about yourself. I've found that finding this site has helped, and I don't feel so silly...there is a lot of comfort in knowing that others out there feel/think the exact same way.

 

Keep posting and reading...it's like free therapy in the comfort of your own home