second_opinion Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 Hi all you enotaloners, Ive been trying to study for my collage exams but Im finding if a little hard to focus. Im motivated but my ex keeps coming into my head. I realised Im jealous of him and his accomplishments. He is a few years older than me and has achieved so much. Why cant I be like that!? His a jerk! He is so confident, really smart, he has his own house (which is awesome for a person his age), he has a great job, studying some medical degree, great friends, a beautiful expensive car and the list goes on. Why cant I be like him?? I feel so stupid and dumb compared to him! This is the first time Ive been jealous this bad!! How on earth do I deal with it? Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 Some of the language your using is confusing me. Could you maybe give a little more info about what went wrong with your relationship or somethin. Link to comment
second_opinion Posted November 6, 2006 Author Share Posted November 6, 2006 LoL sorry, Well we broke up a long time ago but we still had some contact, we would try and make it work out occasionally but it never worked. I thought I still had feelings for him because I kept thinking about him, but I realised I dont like him, Im just jealous of his accomplishments. I know its really stupid, but I cant help it, he is such a jerk and yet he has everything! Its annoying me because I know I shouldnt be comparing myself with him. Link to comment
kuhaaica Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 OMG why are ppl so hung up on THINGS, sorry but i find it sickening, of course having goals is good, but to me when you are on your death bed the last thing you are dreading leaving is a job where noone really knew your real name, a 400K house, you will be dreading leaving the friends you made with your winning personality, the children you raised to be happy loving individuals, the husband who loved and cherished you and the parents who shone with pride over your graces.... all accomplished through your inner self, NOT your "gorgeous car" house or other unimportant things,.... think about it Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 I'm just totally thrown off by why a girl would "want to be like" a guy she used to be with. That's not the typical pattern you see. Usually a girl will either convince herself that he was evil and break that way, or feel like he was something so great she could never achieve a partner like him again. Am I correct in assuming your a girl? Link to comment
second_opinion Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 I guess so, but still, theres nothing wrong with having all those things in your life. We are living right? might as well live the way we want. Link to comment
second_opinion Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 I'm just totally thrown off by why a girl would "want to be like" a guy she used to be with. That's not the typical pattern you see. Usually a girl will either convince herself that he was evil and break that way, or feel like he was something so great she could never achieve a partner like him again. Am I correct in assuming your a girl? Im a girl, LOL, I know what your talking about, but this guy is nothing near evil! We couldnt get back together (even after many months of trying) because we didnt really have the same values and believed in different things which is aokay with me. He was a great guy, I havent met anyone like him since, but why should I have to wait for a guy who is motivated etc like him...why cant I be like him... do you know what Im trying to say? Its kinda confusing, but I hope you understand where Im coming from. Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude. Its just that girls usually tend to look for the guy to be the one to take action and accomplish things, whether or not this really is the case, it just very different to hear a girl wanting to achieve the same goals her ex has. Is it possible that by wanting to be like him that you are in some way trying to relive your relationship with him? Its just that, you being female, him being your ex, and what you are saying, do not match up. Maybe a questions to ask yourself is "why" you want to achieve the same things? Link to comment
Hope75 Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 You know jealousy like this can actually be a good thing- it can be a powerful motivator to push yourself to succeed like your ex has. There's nothing wrong with having nice things- my bf had his own home at 27 and a fancy car and was making quite alot of money for himself, but he also worked hard to get where he is and to have what he has. I was so impressed with that, that I went back to school myself and will be graduating in 4 weeks, and will be making a great salary and have money to invest into our home and our future. Instead of standing around and grumbling over what he has that you don't, why not ask yourself, "how can I work to get those things?" and then set a plan into action? Trust me, it's very satisfying! Link to comment
second_opinion Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 You know jealousy like this can actually be a good thing- it can be a powerful motivator to push yourself to succeed like your ex has. There's nothing wrong with having nice things- my bf had his own home at 27 and a fancy car and was making quite alot of money for himself, but he also worked hard to get where he is and to have what he has. I was so impressed with that, that I went back to school myself and will be graduating in 4 weeks, and will be making a great salary and have money to invest into our home and our future. Instead of standing around and grumbling over what he has that you don't, why not ask yourself, "how can I work to get those things?" and then set a plan into action? Trust me, it's very satisfying! EXACTLY!!!!! Thats excatly how I feel!! My ex was amazing, I look up to him allot (he doesnt know that, and will NEVER know)... He is a really hard worker and its exactly how I want to be!! He always gets the best marks at uni and it makes me jealous, Im scared of trying sometimes because I dont want to fail and then think to myself Im hopeless and cant do what he can do. Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Wow. Its almost like there was some kind of feminist movement ages ago that suddenly enabled woman to go and do stuff like this. Link to comment
second_opinion Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude. Its just that girls usually tend to look for the guy to be the one to take action and accomplish things, whether or not this really is the case, it just very different to hear a girl wanting to achieve the same goals her ex has. Is it possible that by wanting to be like him that you are in some way trying to relive your relationship with him? Its just that, you being female, him being your ex, and what you are saying, do not match up. Maybe a questions to ask yourself is "why" you want to achieve the same things? Dont worry, I dont take you as being rude. I know what your trying to say but I would love it if I could achieve and accomplish things. I want to achieve great things. I want to achieve SIMILAR things becuase thats what I want to have. Why cant I have the same achievements as him? Link to comment
Hope75 Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 EXACTLY!!!!! Thats excatly how I feel!! My ex was amazing, I look up to him allot (he doesnt know that, and will NEVER know)... He is a really hard worker and its exactly how I want to be!! He always gets the best marks at uni and it makes me jealous, Im scared of trying sometimes because I dont want to fail and then think to myself Im hopeless and cant do what he can do. Try not to let fear get in the way of your success. I've found that hard work and perserverance can get me the same grades that came easily to my bf, and I might not get things quite as quickly as he does, but with time and effort I've gotten good grades too! I'm sure that if you want this badly enough, you can do it too! Link to comment
need2bme Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Not why can't I; but HOW CAN I? I hear what you are saying. It can even boil down to other things. Why can't I be as calm as she is? How does she do that? How does she always have money and I don't? Man, how come she can speak 2 languages and the list goes on. Somehow, we (and I include myself in this) need to believe that we are WORTH what we want...not just that we want what we want. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Wow. Its almost like there was some kind of feminist movement ages ago that suddenly enabled woman to go and do stuff like this. LOL, you are fresh! Link to comment
second_opinion Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 thanks for the replys guys! I appricate it alot. Link to comment
MessedUpInHead Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 wow, kinda weird, but be happy with what you have accomplished & set your own goals. if you have that stuff in future, fine, if not as long as you're happy & you realize things in life isn't always about materialistic things. Link to comment
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