Cuts and Bleeding...relieving the pain

[Smokeycat]

I've gone through my share of pain within the past month. I have dealt with depression off and on since I was about 13 years old. I know many teenagers go through this. Well, I've dealt with a huge emotional rollercoaster for the past few years and I thought the ride was over but it wasn't...has to do with a relationship. I won't get into it. But school has started and many things are just soooo messed up already ...ON THE FIRST DAY!!! It's my Senior year and I want to graduate already. I used to resort to taking medications most of the time. Now I have gone back to my old way...cutting myself. I cut on my thigh so no one can see it and I don't cut deep or on a vein etc...but just to see the blood and feel the pain b/c I can no longer cry. Crying is a stress relief and I'm dried up. I began cutting myself again tonight. It truly helps me and I feel better. The only one who understands this sort of thing is my ex and he's part of the reason I'm doing it.

I've always felt like I live two different lives. One optimistic and one negative/miserable. There's a side of me who wants to be happy and one that wants to be miserable and make everyone around me miserable. I have really high highs and really low lows. I can control them to an extent though. It's strange...but I don't believe I'm bipolar.

 

I just would like to know if anyone had any comments or suggestions on how I could possibly relieve stress other than this. If I don't do anything at all...I get sick...literally. Also, do I have a mental problem?

[nexhial]

smokey,

 

ditch the blade and sniff some jade.

[S4il]

Eeek!!! Ouch! i heard about this, and even saw a movie, (forgot the name) i don't understand this way of re leaving stress, or emotional problems. cause i don't do it...Simply b/c i hate seeing blood, on me or on anyone else. you said crying is nothing you can do, i think that is not possible, you CRY to heal, it's a healing process..and these stages of cutting yourself are making you feel good short time only, Right? have you gotten better since you started...? i presume NO..! so the time has come to stop the cutting, but you can't, its your way of letting yourself deal with pain, depression, and that roller coaster ride of UP's and Downs...SmokeyCat i don't want to hear this about you, it makes me feel upset, and i wish i could do something, besides offer encouraging words. (ok I'm internet Hugging you now) feel better? I thought so..lol just a little humor, to Cheer you up...hey I'm trying any ways, H.S. can be so tough i know b/c i went threw alot of bad times, but now that I'm 22 and out, those people who were so MEAN/HARSH are not any better than they were in H.S. and haven't grown up, & probably wont..But your better than they are. I can tell in your post, you have helped me out so many times, on things i have delt with..and i don't want you too Cut anymore. Cause then i will need to call the band-aid truck, (more humor) Hey...Someone is always here to talk too, and that someone is me, If you need ME just P.M. me, I'm always around

[Smokeycat]

Depression seems to be a tough problem to solve...I don't think it ever completely goes away. I believe we all have an amount of depression in us...just a slight sadness that is always there. I am VERY emotional and my emotions are very extreme. When I'm happy..you sure as hell can see it. Same goes for being depressed but i can hide that. Cutting is not something I'm proud of but it's the only vent I have. I just can't cry anymore...I've cried every night this week and many nights this month. I know that things will get better but as for now...this is all I have. I love and respect myself but sometimes my emotions just overcome that...I follow my heart and not my mind which brings me into pits of misery. It's strange to say but sometimes I find joy in being in pain. It is one hell of a rollercoaster ride.

[segagirl]

Hi smokey,

 

I know that right now you are using this to deal with what you feel. Its the only coping skill that seems to work. And I know that it actually releases the pain for you.

because stopping this issue really takes your willingness, and then learning new coping skills...I want you to read through this web site. Its at least a first step.

From there you can maybe reach out to a support system, and find healthy ways do deal with stress and anxiety. Usually the arts and physcial movement is a good start.

And lastly, this can be associated with depression, or other mental illnessess....but can also just be a developed coping mechinism. Its important that once you feel safe, you talk to someone about the possiblity of bipolor (or other).

 

link removed in there is information, self-help ideas, first aid, support groups, forums and the help to get you started.

(ok same web site, direct link to forum page for those who want it)

link removed

 

sending hugs to you